Hello and thank you for your time.

Trying to describe my situation isn't easy for me since it is only a theory that I have, but I will try to present it to you so you can understand--if I miss something I will just have to fill in the gaps.

I haven't ever really been popular. I don't like attention, but I love having friends. I usually like having one or two (if I am lucky) that I feel comfortable enough to tell anything to.

• In high school, I had one best friend, but when I went to college we drifted apart and now she won't even talk to me after multiple attempts to try to talk to her.
• In college, since I had lost my best friend from high school, I found that I could confide with my ex-boyfriend from high school. But eventually, he started dating (and eventually married) someone else from high school, who I don't particularly get a long with. So I lost him to her, which I accepted for his happiness.
• Eventually, I met Kate. And it seemed like we had known each other forever. I still can't describe the rush from meeting her. I just knew that I wanted to be her friend. We hung out a lot over a year. I temporarily lived with her and her husband, and everything seemed great. Then I started dating Flux, and things still seemed ok. But she moved away (~1 hour away) and she just became distant until she stopped responding to my every attempt at communication. I still haven't gotten over the feeling of her loss. Flux has tried calling her without telling me, but she won't talk to me.
• After losing Kate, I met Tum. She was different and interesting, but she also was losing her best friend. I listened to her and became her close friend until we both graduated and she moved away. Whenever her best friend would show an interest in Tum, Tum would forget about me. This was the same thing that her friend was doing to her, forgetting about her until she felt like it. Eventually, something with Flux (Tum also seemed to accept him as a friend as well) made her start feeling uncomfortable around him so she only would talk to me. Now she lives far away and has new friends and adventures but she doesn't call.
• While I still was friends with Tum, I met Leah, who was a friend of Flux's. He introduced us as we had a lot in common. We became friends, not the best of friends, but I felt that I could talk to her. Her boyfriend (now fiance) didn't like Flux because Flux openly admitted that he thought Leah was cute. I didn't take this poorly as I understood that even though he thought that she was cute, didn't mean that he was going to dump me for her. Well, Leah's boyfriend thought that it meant that Flux was going to take her away. And he made her choose, us or him. She chose him as she loved him and thought he was the one. She didn't tell us this, of course, until more recently. But during this time, I was really hurt. Tum had forgotten me, Kate was gone, and now I had lost Leah. So not knowing, I vented my frustration in my live journal, which she read as did her boyfriend. Now he hated me. So she couldn't even explain her situation. Even after she found a way to communicate to us, I was hesitant to believe her sincerity since she had hurt me before. Now we can only visit her when he isn't around.
  I feel as though I lost a friendship that could have been great all because of my unwillingness to forgive and her boyfriend's insecurity.

I am trying to figure out if there is something I am doing that is pushing my friends away or if it is simply the distance. Is it the fact that I am with Flux? Have a I changed drastically? I know it is difficult to describe the type of person that I am on a forum such as this, but I try to be a pleasant person to be around. I used to be a much more bubbly person, but I went through an ordeal with my family and suffered an intolerable job that has left me a little worse for wear. I keep a lot of what's bothering me to myself since I don't want to bring anyone else down or hurt someone's feelings. But maybe I should just be honest with them all and say what is one my mind regardless of if I am wrong.

I love Flux and we have been together for so long. Even though we aren't married (we can't afford to right now), we know that we can't walk away from each other easily. He isn't the easiest person for anyone to get a long with, but he is the person who knows me best (good and bad) and loves me regardless. He is my best friend, but I would like someone else to talk to.

Well, I don't see how Flux could be the problem, but I don't know him or how he treats people, so that's not saying much, I guess.
As for Leah and her boyfriend, he seems to be showing early signs of an abusive (verbally/physically) mate. [He might not go that way, though. But I've seen enough of that in cousins' and friends' relationship choices to not be concerned). I would try to keep an eye on her if you can. Since she seems to be hypnotized by him (a man has no right to determine who his gf or wife can hang out with. He can make suggestions if he feels someone is not "safe" to be around, but he shouldn't demand or manipulate, in my opinion). I say this because I don't think there was anything you did wrong in regards to Leah - she's letting this guy influence her social life and that was the problem.

As for everyone else, it seems like unfortunate coincidences. I've been in similar situations. Your story about Kate especially rings a bell. What I'm trying to do now is pump up my social life. Are there any groups around you? Do you go to church or anything - because some have small groups of adults that meet weekly for socializing and study and a surprising amount are just curious about your beliefs and not demanding in regards to them. Try going to your library and ask the librarian if there are any clubs around. A lot of librarians are really in "the know." A group is less likely to fall apart on you.

In regards to your behavior - I don't know if you're doing anything wrong. It doesn't seem like it to me. :/ Perhaps you could try, like you said, to just be honest (in a nice way). See how that goes and go from there. I know what it's like to be bubbly and happy and have that just go away. Rough times tend to "inspire" people to build up walls and seem very different. Try to focus on what you used to be like (if you were happy with that) and occasionally try to act like that happy person. I think one day it will stick and you'll be back to your old self. I'd also suggest trying to forgive anyone who's hurt you, as it only causes more pain for you.

Hope that helped at least a little.

Thank you! Flux and I are concerned for Leah and her relationship with this guy. But excuse me for saying, but he is your stereotypical mama's boy and used to getting his way. She has insisted that he has gotten better, but on more than occasion she's had to bail on us when we offered to go out with the both of them.

We are trying to be fair to him even though he hasn't really shown himself to be fair to her.

I am sorry that you have been going through the same thing. I wouldn't wish this for anyone.

As I am back in college for another degree, I do hang out with my fellow students, but most of them are guys and most have no interest in "girl problems" and would prefer to play their XBox 360. So I am not close even though we hang out. The few girls that are also in my classes are self-absorbed--not a description that I use lightly. They are more concerned about impressing/using the guys in our classes. Somehow, I am competition. I don't see why since I am not particularly cute or pretty--and I am not trying to be self-degrading but honest (I am short and overweight by a lot!).

Unless Flaux has any abusive qualities then no he's not the problem. I think it's just life. Work on getting a new job and your relationship right now. 99.9% of friends will come and go. You only meet two people in your life that will be lifetime friends and your husband may or may not be one. Start Volunteering. It's a great way to find friends and it's a better way to find friends than going to the bar. Go to young adult dances. Some Churches still hold regularly.

With Leah, I'm going through a similar situation with my best friend. I tried everything even asking her the hard questions and I told I'm not removing my dislike for boyfriend. He's emotionally abusive, a liar, and very manipulative. I understand what you are going through. Ask Leah the hard questions. Give her something to think about. then if you believe in a God or Goddess get that divine intervention going.

Hard questions to ask:
When did you know you loved him?
Are you positive it's not physical attraction you are confusing with love?

Those will getting her thinking. They are seed questions they'll scream at her after he does something to her.

Sometimes life just gives you limes and not lemons.
The first couple friends you lost just sound like life growing you two apart, as for the other I couldnt be able to say it was you or not, it could just be a series events that resulted in a reoccurring friend lost.


I say dont over-analyze it as much. I tend to do this a great deal, but I found things will smooth themselves out and come out loverly in the end. I cannot tell you how many friends I have lost, just because of stupid drama, I find when I didnt worry about where the drama was created and putting out the fire, I was kept pretty safe. Just do your part in being the best friend you can possibly be, love and support and respect, and trust...etc. At some point you will have a best friend that will be your sugar for you limes, which will make a sweet and sour limeade.

I honestly don't think it has to do with you or Flux. Quite honestly, I think it's them or just circumstances you know? People come and go, I know what it's like to lose friend after friend after friend. I mean, I had a best friend who was like a sister to me for years and then suddenly we parted and reunited later in highschool and she snubbed me. When I finally got her to talk to me, she flat out told me that she was tired of me. That hurt, you know? Losing the many friends I had over the years taught me to expect alittle less out of people. In other words, be able to adapt to change and expect that they're not going to last forever. Nothing lasts forever, not even friendship. I know I sound alittle bitter, but atleast with this realization, I don't get hurt like I used to. If they want to leave you behind like that, then let them and move on. You sound like you have a great relationship with Flux and I'm happy for you. I understand your need for friends, that's completely normal. Keep looking for them and mingle with people, but know and accept that there's that chance they'll leave again. Plus, you know, it is really hard to keep in touch with people when you move. There's so many factors and you can forget easily, so I mean..you have to give them alittle slack.

@Runes: Thank you ^^ Leah and I have talked about those questions before. And I think that she does sincerely love him. In the end, I think he isn't aware of how to treat a girlfriend, so the things that he does wrong (like the jealousy issue) seems worse than it is. I also think that her sacrifice to give us up as friends to be with him, might have also showed him that his insecurities were unfounded--or at least, I would think so. Flux and I saw him last weekend and he said "hi" to us. So I don't know if all is well or not, but he didn't ignore us. *shrug*

@nightlydeity: I do over-analyze everything! ^^; I am so horrible at it, and sometimes I find out that it wasn't at all what I thought. I am working on not doing it as much--but it is difficult to go against what I feel like I just naturally do. d:

@PrincessBane: Thank you! I know that I have changed and I am trying to change to become a better person. Perhaps the person I am changing into isn't the person they like but I think it is a better person for me to become. And with all the modern technology, I wouldn't think distance would keep us from staying friends. I know people make new friends when they move, but in the case of Tum, she complained to me when her best friend didn't call or email or anything while Tum lived 14hrs away! I believed, wrongly, that because she had that expectation of someone else that she would hold herself to that standard as well. But it wasn't so. I think that is what bothers me about her attitude towards me is the same attitude that disgusts her when someone else does it to her. (I hope that isn't too confusing!)

I should just be honest with her and all of these people. But do I send them a letter or an email or call them on the phone? I can't exactly see them to tell them how I feel, but I think an email or a letter may be the coward's way out. But I can't usually contact them on the phone because they are too busy. So what should I do? Do I be honest and tell them or would that ruin whatever shred of friendship I have left?

I've experienced a situation like this. My best friend in high school didn't support me when my ex and I broke up, and she even laughed at me behind my back. Because of this, I decided to avoid her and not talk to her anymore. Right now, I have an amazing best friend who I wouldn't trade for the world. I like to have a day with her and a day with my boyfriend at least once a week. You and your boyfriend aren't doing anything wrong. Have you tried being more open with people? You sound really nice and deserving of a wonderful friend. Some people don't find their best friend until later in life, so maybe you just have to wait a little longer. [I know that it sounds really unfair.]