!!WARNING!! Content may be sensitive to younger viewers. !!WARNING!!

Hello, dear Menewsha members. I have a subject in question, and I would like to hear your opinions on it. As my warning states, this may be a sensitive subject. (This post might even be removed, in which case I will have learned that some things are best asked away from forum posts.) But it is one that I am most curious about, and I'm sure I'm not alone on that.

When I was an elementary school aged child, my parents would give my sisters and I spankings as punishment when we did wrong. Sometimes they would use their hand because it was there at the moment, but more often it was a belt. We would have to lean over the side of the bed- or chair if they were impatient- and have however many slaps to the bottom and thighs. Now afterwords- almost immediately- Mom and Dad would pick us up and hug us, telling us that they punished us because they loved us. What did this translate to in a child's brain? The people that love me hurt me. In my opinion, this also causes Stockholm syndrome. Now I'm no doctorate holder, and neither is my friend who informed me I show many symptoms of that syndrome. But the internet holds a lot of information and he's like me; takes up random research topics here and there. So he has a good chance of being right.
My question to you Menewshians: Does physical, mental, and or emotional punishment on children cause worse problems down the road?

Hi Amy. :D I'm going to shuffle this on off to General Discussion, however, it may evolve into a topic that might be best-suited for Debates. :yes: Menewsha Nation is more for general hangout threads than threads with specific topics for discussion. :D

I got spanked a lot when I was a kid, but I didn't know any better. I was a real knucklehead! (I think) I turned out alright!

But I think spanking is okay. A couple slaps to the tooshie for doing something bad/wrong seems like fair game. Now, downright beating your child is not! That means no punching, kicking, baseball bats, blood, broken bones, etc etc.

Belts can be used in an abusive way. I hope it wasn't your case! But I've received one or two whips. Hurts like a mother, but I knew not to do anything severely wrong again.

But to really answer your question, does physical, mental, and/or emotional punishment cause problems down the road? Oh, definitely! Getting spanked shouldn't cause physimentional distress, but beatdowns will.

Originally Posted by Izzy Stizzlebonk

I got spanked a lot when I was a kid, but I didn't know any better. I was a real knucklehead! (I think) I turned out alright!

But I think spanking is okay. A couple slaps to the tooshie for doing something bad/wrong seems like fair game. Now, downright beating your child is not! That means no punching, kicking, baseball bats, blood, broken bones, etc etc.

Belts can be used in an abusive way. I hope it wasn't your case! But I've received one or two whips. Hurts like a mother, but I knew not to do anything severely wrong again.

But to really answer your question, does physical, mental, and/or emotional punishment cause problems down the road? Oh, definitely! Getting spanked shouldn't cause physimentional distress, but beatdowns will.

You have quite the point. I think it was a combination of a few other extremes my parents went to that made the spankings an interesting factor in how I've become. Whips I'd say are never a good thing because they can case severe lashes and such. Thanks for your input!

----------

Originally Posted by Sizzla

Hi Amy. :D I'm going to shuffle this on off to General Discussion, however, it may evolve into a topic that might be best-suited for Debates. :yes: Menewsha Nation is more for general hangout threads than threads with specific topics for discussion. :D

Alright, thanks! I'm new to forums, so I wasn't quite sure where this would go. ^_^;

Gosh, your parents hit you with a belt? That's horrible!
Hitting a child with an implement is illegal in my country. I find it really horrifying when people online talk about it happening to them. :(

Anyway, personally I feel that hitting your child in any way, shape or form is uncivilised and entirely inappropriate.
One of the hardest (but most important) things to teach a young child is not to hit. Even if you don't hit them with an implement, what kind of example are you setting your child? That it's okay to hit another human being. How irresponsible! Good parents lead by example, not hypocrisy.

There are many more effective punishments out there, they often do take more time and effort, but good parenting is not about quick fixes and taking the easiest option.

When I was little, I used to get belted occasionally. Honestly I don't remember what I ever did wrong. I was a generally nice kid. But I did have a severe problem with being picky with food. Anyway, after a certain point in time, I honestly didn't mind the belt at all. And I told my mom that. So she realized I was too old for that any more.

The excuse that many parents make is that when they were younger, they had it much worse off. Generally in the "olden" days, parents were extremely strict and made their kids find a switch (vine-type branch) so they could whip them with that. Plus, schools themselves had paddles to whip kids with. These days, things like that are looked down on. I can imagine that if people from the past could see us now, they'd gasp at how some people let their kids go spoiled.

However, I agree that hitting really isn't the best. You can discipline your child with methods like the "time-out corner", rewards for good behavior, sit-down talks, and so on.

Personally, although I was belted, spanked, and scolded, I don't think it affected me too badly... most likely because it wasn't as severe as some kids got. So for the most part, I think "beatings" are somewhat okay in moderation (okay meaning it doesn't do too much emotional damage). But go overboard with that, and yes, it could cause problems.
As I grew older, my parents scolded me more with words than spankings. Once again, I was a fairly good kid... my problems were/are that I am extremely lazy, and I tend to be a little too addicted to the internet. I had been and still am scolded a lot for that. Honestly it just drives me into my shell further. But I guess I can't expect to be babied through everything, so it just makes sense.

Tl;dr:
A little bit isn't that bad, but too much spanking and scolding can leave the child very embittered and resentful. Calm talks and time-outs and such are a better way to discipline kids.

The thing is, children don't listen to you. The reason you get 'too old' for beatings is because at a certain age (in my opinion anyway, im no mother) you mature, and start to listen more, therefore not needing to be hit. But in a children's eyes, a hit is a lecture, and a treat is a praise. It's straight forward, and as a lot of people have said here, beating, as long as it doesn't go overboard, is fine. I was hit and smacked, and at some point, I stopped caring.

...well. I'm not exactly sure how to answer, but I can put in my own two cents, if you're willing to sit through what I have to say.

My dad left before I was born, and my mom was never a good mother. My first memory is being dropped down the stairs of my apartment building in a baby carrier. My next memory is being near-drowned when she was rinsing the soap out of my hair from a bath. Then, there's a big shift until I was six. She thought I had taken her pills (because I was groggy after having woken up to the sound of her coming home at 3am), and called a "cop" on me. Who proceeded to rape me with her watching to make sure he did it right. A few years later, she came home and waxed my thigh with hot candle wax for no real reason other than to try and do something with me. When she would spank me, she would wait until I both stopped crying and stopped bleeding, and we would often get into screaming fits. I learned curse words before I knew normal ones.

I'm a dissociative paranoid schizophrenic with suggestions to bipolar disorder and severe anxiety and depression.

However, my mother also had a few of these disorders, so I don't know if it's mostly genetic or if it was how I was treated as a child. I do know that my sex addiction, however, was probably her fault (rape has two paths; obscenely sexual and prudishly not). I'm sorry if any of this was too much for people, but...It's something that I wonder about sometimes, too, and figured maybe someone out there could let me know, too.

Originally Posted by Cherish

Gosh, your parents hit you with a belt? That's horrible!
Hitting a child with an implement is illegal in my country. I find it really horrifying when people online talk about it happening to them. :(

Anyway, personally I feel that hitting your child in any way, shape or form is uncivilised and entirely inappropriate.
One of the hardest (but most important) things to teach a young child is not to hit. Even if you don't hit them with an implement, what kind of example are you setting your child? That it's okay to hit another human being. How irresponsible! Good parents lead by example, not hypocrisy.

There are many more effective punishments out there, they often do take more time and effort, but good parenting is not about quick fixes and taking the easiest option.

Our country is turning to illegalizing hitting a child in any form as well. Shows like Super Nanny are teaching parents different ways of discipline that seem to be much more effective: the time out chair, corner or rug for example. How do children get disciplined in your country?

----------

Originally Posted by Exiled

When I was little, I used to get belted occasionally. Honestly I don't remember what I ever did wrong. I was a generally nice kid. But I did have a severe problem with being picky with food. Anyway, after a certain point in time, I honestly didn't mind the belt at all. And I told my mom that. So she realized I was too old for that any more.

The excuse that many parents make is that when they were younger, they had it much worse off. Generally in the "olden" days, parents were extremely strict and made their kids find a switch (vine-type branch) so they could whip them with that. Plus, schools themselves had paddles to whip kids with. These days, things like that are looked down on. I can imagine that if people from the past could see us now, they'd gasp at how some people let their kids go spoiled.

However, I agree that hitting really isn't the best. You can discipline your child with methods like the "time-out corner", rewards for good behavior, sit-down talks, and so on.

Personally, although I was belted, spanked, and scolded, I don't think it affected me too badly... most likely because it wasn't as severe as some kids got. So for the most part, I think "beatings" are somewhat okay in moderation (okay meaning it doesn't do too much emotional damage). But go overboard with that, and yes, it could cause problems.
As I grew older, my parents scolded me more with words than spankings. Once again, I was a fairly good kid... my problems were/are that I am extremely lazy, and I tend to be a little too addicted to the internet. I had been and still am scolded a lot for that. Honestly it just drives me into my shell further. But I guess I can't expect to be babied through everything, so it just makes sense.

Tl;dr:
A little bit isn't that bad, but too much spanking and scolding can leave the child very embittered and resentful. Calm talks and time-outs and such are a better way to discipline kids.

It does seem that the consensus is that a little bit isn't bad. And, yeah, I was pretty much the same way; not much discipline problems. A few of the times I got spanked were because of a mistake, also. Like the time I bumped into my sister in the tub and she hit her head on the faucet pretty badly. And, yeah, "I had it worse" does seem to be most parents' excuses. Which, in my opinion, is a pretty ridiculous excuse.

----------

Originally Posted by iinsanely Sane

The thing is, children don't listen to you. The reason you get 'too old' for beatings is because at a certain age (in my opinion anyway, im no mother) you mature, and start to listen more, therefore not needing to be hit. But in a children's eyes, a hit is a lecture, and a treat is a praise. It's straight forward, and as a lot of people have said here, beating, as long as it doesn't go overboard, is fine. I was hit and smacked, and at some point, I stopped caring.

Perhaps it's that explaining things to a child is harder than just getting them to not want to get hit. Seems like the easy way out. And then, at one point, they get stronger than your hand, and you realize you HAVE to explain things. Which is when the breakdown in communication between parents' and children starts. When you've actually got to TELL them about the world. When I got too old for spankings, Mom and Dad stopped spanking my little sisters as well. Because of that, I think they're a lot less obediant.

----------

Originally Posted by Dissociative_Dreamer

...well. I'm not exactly sure how to answer, but I can put in my own two cents, if you're willing to sit through what I have to say.

My dad left before I was born, and my mom was never a good mother. My first memory is being dropped down the stairs of my apartment building in a baby carrier. My next memory is being near-drowned when she was rinsing the soap out of my hair from a bath. Then, there's a big shift until I was six. She thought I had taken her pills (because I was groggy after having woken up to the sound of her coming home at 3am), and called a "cop" on me. Who proceeded to rape me with her watching to make sure he did it right. A few years later, she came home and waxed my thigh with hot candle wax for no real reason other than to try and do something with me. When she would spank me, she would wait until I both stopped crying and stopped bleeding, and we would often get into screaming fits. I learned curse words before I knew normal ones.

I'm a dissociative paranoid schizophrenic with suggestions to bipolar disorder and severe anxiety and depression.

However, my mother also had a few of these disorders, so I don't know if it's mostly genetic or if it was how I was treated as a child. I do know that my sex addiction, however, was probably her fault (rape has two paths; obscenely sexual and prudishly not). I'm sorry if any of this was too much for people, but...It's something that I wonder about sometimes, too, and figured maybe someone out there could let me know, too.

This kind of answer is actually one of the ones I was looking for- personal. It's obvious your mother took discipline way out of context. And, even though some of those disorders were genetic, the fact that you got treated in such a way brought them to the surface full force. And, I agree, the rape most likely did get your sex addiction going. If you like rape play or bdsm, your childhood would also be the reasons for it.

To answer your question shortly; Yes it does.

I would go into more detail but I have classes soon. I'll come back and edit in the rest =)

edit: Yeah it does, I've been mentally and emotionally abused as a child. I may be stupid for saying this but I prefer physical abuse over mental. My stepfather physically abused me for alittle bit, but I soon got over it because the pain healed and eventually I realized how to fake the crying so he'd hit less. After he stopped, it was full on emotional abuse, and believe me when I say that it's worse than physical. Emotional stays with you for years.

Originally Posted by Leenalia

To answer your question shortly; Yes it does.

I would go into more detail but I have classes soon. I'll come back and edit in the rest =)

...Are you coming back to edit your post??

My ex husband was very traumatized by what his father called "light spankings". Turns out he was really abusing the kids behind their mother's back. Thankfully she left him. My exgirlfriend also was traumatized by belt spankings. Her parents were in no way abusive but she just would black out when violence was going to happen and she would not remember what happened. She's fight back and not even realize it. It was scary stuff to deal with.

However, my siblings and I were spanked with belts and paddles and none of us have anything wrong mentally because of it. I think it all depends on the child and how sensitive they are. I personally do not beleive anyone should ever harm children or pets. It's a big thing with me since I have seen some pretty messed up things in both cases of animals and children being abused.

I just use things as punishment like taking away TV or a video game. It normally works pretty well and it doesn't upset the kid as much. My cousin was such a pistol when he was younger and I always used that on him. When I first started babysitting him he used to bite, throw stuff at me, and hit me trying to get his way. He them realized that does not work with me and stopped but he still did it to my aunt who used the spanking method. I told her about taking things away and he stopped being such a brat and listened after she stopped the spankings. I think that how the kid behaves a lot of the time reflects how the parent raises them. Of course there is always mental and mood disorders but that is a whole other story.

Originally Posted by Mystic

My ex husband was very traumatized by what his father called "light spankings". Turns out he was really abusing the kids behind their mother's back. Thankfully she left him. My exgirlfriend also was traumatized by belt spankings. Her parents were in no way abusive but she just would black out when violence was going to happen and she would not remember what happened. She's fight back and not even realize it. It was scary stuff to deal with.

However, my siblings and I were spanked with belts and paddles and none of us have anything wrong mentally because of it. I think it all depends on the child and how sensitive they are. I personally do not beleive anyone should ever harm children or pets. It's a big thing with me since I have seen some pretty messed up things in both cases of animals and children being abused.

I just use things as punishment like taking away TV or a video game. It normally works pretty well and it doesn't upset the kid as much. My cousin was such a pistol when he was younger and I always used that on him. When I first started babysitting him he used to bite, throw stuff at me, and hit me trying to get his way. He them realized that does not work with me and stopped but he still did it to my aunt who used the spanking method. I told her about taking things away and he stopped being such a brat and listened after she stopped the spankings. I think that how the kid behaves a lot of the time reflects how the parent raises them. Of course there is always mental and mood disorders but that is a whole other story.

Indeed, if you use reasonable methods instead of physical harm, the kids are apt to listen better. This has been proven in shows like Super Nanny over and over again.

I never saw Super Nanny. Heard about it. Wondered why parents don't think of things like that one their own instead of from a TV show.

Originally Posted by Mystic

I never saw Super Nanny. Heard about it. Wondered why parents don't think of things like that one their own instead of from a TV show.

Yeah, really.

Originally Posted by AmyHeartXVIII

Our country is turning to illegalizing hitting a child in any form as well. Shows like Super Nanny are teaching parents different ways of discipline that seem to be much more effective: the time out chair, corner or rug for example. How do children get disciplined in your country?

Well, it's still legal to hit a child with your hand over here, as long as you don't use an implement, but even that's been gradually phasing out over recent years. Some people still do it, but it's much less socially acceptable and very much frowned upon.

Super Nanny originated over here (I'm from the UK) and generally most people nowadays use similar techniques; time-outs, naughty corners/steps/chairs, confiscating a toy for a set amount of time, reward systems, avoiding giving negative attention etc.
Smacking/spanking with a hand is still more common in poorer areas, though.

I took several different parenting classes before I had my daughter (I wanted to research different parenting styles and discipline solutions in advance, so I could be prepared) and they all taught similar non-physical discipline methods.

Originally Posted by Cherish

Well, it's still legal to hit a child with your hand over here, as long as you don't use an implement, but even that's been gradually phasing out over recent years. Some people still do it, but it's much less socially acceptable and very much frowned upon.

Super Nanny originated over here (I'm from the UK) and generally most people nowadays use similar techniques; time-outs, naughty corners/steps/chairs, confiscating a toy for a set amount of time, reward systems, avoiding giving negative attention etc.
Smacking/spanking with a hand is still more common in poorer areas, though.

I took several different parenting classes before I had my daughter (I wanted to research different parenting styles and discipline solutions in advance, so I could be prepared) and they all taught similar non-physical discipline methods.

I'm glad they have classes like that available. At my high school, there was an elective you could take on parenting and raising children but it was only a semester long. Not even close to the time needed to teach parenting to high schoolers.