Hello there fellow menewshans. I am typing here today because I am sooo stressed! It recently started when I said to myself "You are not going to cut anymore if you get in this play." I'm heavily involved in theatre and it's really hard for girls to get good roles because there are a lot. Well, turned out I did get in. Things were going great and I was so proud of myself for not feeling the need to cut. But then... my so-called best friend starts to make absolutely everything about her. I try to tell her an important story and she interrupts me entirely, leaving me to keep quiet and she's still doing this as if her one problem (which she won't seem to let go) is much worse than what anyone else is going through. I believe I may be suffering with depression, but I refuse to be put on meds for my mental health. I just don't think it'd work for me. Anyway, I had lots of rehearsal and I finally had a Saturday off, so my mom (who works her butt off to feed me and my sister) gave me money and she told me to go buy an outfit. I thanked her and walked to the mall. I was there for three hours and bought only one shirt. I then made my way to Claire's. That's when the small voice in the back of my head grew louder and louder told me to (deep breath) steal. I am in full control of my body at all times, but I still did it. I got caught. I felt awful about myself. I was beating myself up inside. Then, my dad suggested I come live with him(in a different state). After careful consideration and asking of many people, I agreed. Yeah, it'll be hard, but I really think I need a change. I told my best friend about me moving (I don't dare tell her about my thievary) and she keeps saying "No. I don't want you to move. I want you to stay. Don't leave me!." I really just want to scream in her face, "IS IT REALLY ALWAYS ABOUT YOU? DOES IT HAVE TO BE? I CAN NEVER SEEM TO PLEASE YOU! YOU WON'T LET ME!" We have fought before, but we always made up. This time, I can't seem to stay in the same room with her for more than 2 minutes without freaking out. The only time I can seem to stay sane around her is when I'm with my other best friend. He ties us together so well. I still haven't cut since I got cast in this play and I really want that sharp steel on my wrist again...

I have never been a cutter, so I don't know what you're going through exactly, but hear me out. There are ways to deal with stress that aren't self harm. Personally I write, and when it's all on paper, or a screen then it's out of my head and I don't have to deal with it any more. Not as much. But some people exercise, some play music or just listen to it.
As I said, I'm not 100% sure what you're going through, but think before you do anything drastic.
((BTW: I love your siggie, it's a very cool quote.))

I used to cut and can relate to your stress level. Have you ever tried putting rubber bands on your wrists and snapping them when you get the urge to cut? It doesn't work for everyone...but it can help calm you down.

If I did that whenever I had the urge I'd have the pinkest wrists ever! I quit about a month ago, and I've had the urge quite often since I did. My advice is to remember the people you love and the people who love you and how injuring yourself hurts not only you, but them as well. Even if they don't know about it. As far as your friend goes, if she really is that hard to around for you, just wait awhile and come back to her. If you're meant to be friends, you'll stay friends, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I don't know how long you've been feeling depressed, if it hasn't been very long go, it might be a lot easier to overcome than a clinical depression.

I honestly.. can't bring myself to imagine how cutting yourself would help anything. I am aware of the medical results cutting gives (it in fact releases endorphins into your body for a short period of time; but the 'happy' or 'relieved' feeling dies out soon), but mentally, I wouldn't ever be able to do something like this.

People have various ways of coping with stress. Self-harm being one of them. The urge to cut yourself can be an addiction, even when the 'original' cause has already passed. I think PhantomLolita has a very strong suggestion with the rubber bands. I've talked with a few people with diagnosed depressions (including auto-mutilation) and the use of rubber bands is an actual advice we sometimes give. It might help you. (: (I tried them myself and holy hell it hurts)

But.. as you said, you have a lot of stress. Your friend isn't helping much by making things all about herself, and it seems you're quite upset about this as well. Perhaps you could involve your other best friend in a conversation about the feelings you're currently having as well as hers. We all have our problems, after all.

You're in the age group that's often subject to severe sadness (not depression) due to hormones. Stress on top of that can easily break someone down. Puberty is a confusing time, not only mentally but also physically (don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming it on the hormones here).

Perhaps, if you really want to know whether you're depressed or not, visit a doctor. Medication is an option that's on a free basis. There are plenty of other ways out there to help you (in your case, I think having someone to talk to might be quite a relief as well).

As of now, how would you like your life to be? What would need to change? And how could you make an active contribution in that change?