The Tea Shop
A play

Setting: A very odd tea shop that even odder people seem to gather at...

Characters:
Claire Newton - The new waitress. A regular girl who just moved into town.

Frank(ie) Baxter - The tea shop's owner who somehow manages to not notice his/her patrons many shenanigans.

Dee Dee - Very clumsy and tends to knock things over a lot. Very talkative. A bit of a trouble maker.

V - Dee Dee's best friend. No one knows what his/her real name is and is obsessed with V for Vendetta. If someone other than Dee Dee talks directly to him/her, him/her goes nuts and starts quoting V for Vendetta.

George - A teen who's convinced he's "93 or so". Has an obsession with numbers.

Lira - A girl who is apparently from the future. Regular everyday things fascinate her(i.e. chairs and cups ect.). Is constantly taking notes for her "research".

Story:
Scene 1

(Lights come up on Claire wiping one of the three tables and straightening chairs.)(A bell chimes and DD and V enter)
(DD is babbling to V until she catches sight of Claire and freezes)

Claire: Hi there!

(DD eyes her and makes a strange face as she whispers to V and sits down at a table)

Claire: So, uh, can I get you anything?

DD: Our usual! OBVIOUSLY. I mean, what ELSE would we have?! It's just ridiculous that you would even ask! Silly! Preposterous! Do you need to be told to use the washroom?! I bet you don't! Or maybe you do! You know, i bet it's all scheduled for you on a calendar somewhere. How incompetent can you--(claire cuts in)

Claire: W-wait, sorry, um but what is your usual? I'm new here.

DD: (huffs) fine. My usual is ENGLISH BREAKFAST TEA WITH FIVE SUGAR CUBES AND A QUATRE CUP OF MILK. But just because you've put my mood off I will have a piece of toast. cold. like the English. They eat their toast cold, you know. Isn't that weird? I think it's hilarious. They even have little racks to cool their toast on! (glances at V who is absentmindedly picking lint off his/her clothes) V will have the same. But V likes raspberry jam. No butter. Just jam. Got that?!

Claire: (blinks a moment) I, uh, think so. Two cold toasts, one plain and one with only raspberry jam? Though I'm not sure we serve toast here, but I can see what I can do...

DD: Yes! My goodness! You're really smart! I like you. Isn't she great V? (V nods without looking up) She's great. WHAT IS YOUR NAME NEW GIRL?

Claire: ...It's Claire, Claire Newton. (Claire looks suspicious)

DD: That's a nice name. How about I call you Margaret instead?

Claire: ...Uh, I don't know about that. I would prefer if you just called me Claire...

DD: You're no fun! No fun at all! Margaret's a wonderful name! Where's my toast?!

Claire: (jumps a bit) Er, coming right up! (Claire exits)

(George enters counting his fingers. He sits down and pulls off his shoes and socks and starts counting on his toes as well.)

DD: Good morning George!!!! (waves frantically)

Geo: (jerks his head up and squints his eyes in DD's direction as if he need glasses) I say by the number of hairs on my arm, which is exactly 342, is that you Dee Dee? And would that be V beside her? Good morning!

DD: What are you counting today, George? (leans forward intensely interested)

George: Well you know, I don't remember now. Alzheimer's you know. (DD nods knowingly) But anyways, what have you two been up to lately? When was the last time We saw each other? Lets see..1, 2, 3...4, 5...(continues to mumble numbers while counting his fingers)

(Meanwhile Lira wanders in looking bewildered and amazed)

Lira: (staring dumbfoundedly at the door knob.) Have you ever noticed these things on the doors that allow you to enter and exit a building manually? It's so interesting! (scribbles down a few notes)

DD: Doorknobs ARE very magical, aren't they? Some are round and some are square, and some are a rectangle shape and sometimes there are ones that are a triangle . (Lira is scribbling notes furiously, completely enraptured by DD) George! How many triangle doorknobs do suppose there are in world? (Both DD and Lira stare interested at Geo)

Lira: Oh, do you by chance know? It would be wondrously wonderful information for my research!

Geo: (Strokes his non-existent beard) Why, what an interesting notion. I can't be sure, seeing as I have not been to all the 189 to 196 independent countries.(DD and Lira stare disapointedly at Geo) I'm very sorry, though I suppose you might be able to look that up on that newfangled gadget...What's it called, Guggle? Gawggle? Bah! Whatever it is, I never had it in MY DAY and we got along just fine!

(Claire enters balancing two plates with toast)

Claire: Here you are. The raspberry jam was for you, uh, I'm sorry I don't remember your name...?

(Everyone freezes except for Claire who is getting impatient waiting for a reply)

V: (stands up suddenly knocking the chair down) "Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask. (looks pointedly at Claire)

Claire: But you're not wearing a mask...Listen, just nevermind, I can see that I--(V cuts her off)

V: "Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. "

Claire: ...Right then, do you--

V: "But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona.
Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. (giggles) Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." (bows towards Claire)

Claire: ...Ooooookay then. Well I'll just leave the toast here...(places the two plates on DD and V's table. V munches happily on the toast)(Turns towards Geo and Lira who are still frozen with somewhat panic-stricken faces) Welcome! Can I get you two anything?

Geo: Ah! I will have a single cup of Chamomile tea, if you please, Claire is it?

Claire: Sure! And yes, My name is Claire. I moved here last month.

Geo: What date would you say you moved?

Claire: (A bit wary) The 16th...

Geo: Why that's...23 days ago! Which is 552 hours, and 552 hours is 33120 minutes! Shall I calculate the seconds as well? (Geo looks eager)

Claire: (weirded out now) Um, that's all right...(Turns to Lira) And what can I get for you?

Lira: (studying a small paper) I will have...This substance called "Chai tea"...Please.

Claire: Sure, sure. Coming right up. (goes to leave but stops when she realizes Lira is holding on to the hem of her shirt studying it intently) Uhhh...What are you doing?

Lira: (begins scribbling more notes) Making note of the chemical make-up of your "T-shirt". It is for my research, you know. I need to take many notes to bring back to the future about your era.

Claire: (stares blankly at Lira) Right. Well I'll just be right back with your order...(exits glancing back at the small group nervously)

End of Scene 1

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Well that's all I have so far...I'd love some advice on improving it, and maybe some ideas on where to take the story from here? It feels a bit off to me but I'm not sure what to do about it...
Well I hope you liked it anyways :)