I looked for a thread about this, and I couldn't find one. Sorry if this has already been made!

Anyways, lately I've been seeing a really large amount of bullying on the internet. Nothing very new, right? But in all that, which is still really upsetting to me, I forgot that there's still a problem with bullying and negative comments in the REAL world. I hadn't seen anything stomach churning in real life in a very, very long time, but I was at a hockey game last night and went to the bathroom in tears after a reality check.

It's safe to say I have a fangirl obsession with the goalie of my hometown's team. He happens to be half-black, making him look more middle eastern, but you can definitely see he's not white. He's also gigantic and holds a lot of records for being, well, a really good goalie.

When the other team scored a goal, a man behind me starts screaming "NIGGER!" really clearly, really loudly, repeatedly. This goes on for another 10-15 minutes. As someone who has been inside an ice arena before, I know there's very little chance the goalie will hear a single word of what anyone is screaming at him, and this behaviour is normal for an athletic event, but this still sent me into a bit of an emotional meltdown, especially after he felt the need to add "Man, I knew they were all good fer nothin'. Should kill 'em all, or better yet, they should kill themselves." and laughed heartily.

I don't think it gets any more despicable than wishing death/suicide/torture/misery on another human being, online or not. If there's one thing I never ever find appropriate, it's telling someone to kill themselves. I don't care if you're joking or how much you think they deserve it, it just... Never seems okay to me. And the person you say that to might be the one who does it, rather than the one who gets their feelings hurt, which is usually the REAL intention. I hope it is, anyways. There have been times in the past where I've wished karma would come around to seriously get someone, but that's never been something I've shoved in their face or talked about openly to hurt their feelings. These are people like Casey Anthony, not a stranger on the internet who disagrees with you, and I still wouldn't spit in Casey Anthony's face and tell her to kill herself.

I know this bounces around between real world and internet opinions a lot, and I'm kind of flustered about all this still. I wanted to get this off my chest! But I also wanted to see some discussion about it, so here are some prompts that hopefully make more sense:

Do you think there are things that should never be said, or is there really a time and place for everything?

What is your 'line' that you do not cross?

Have you ever bullied someone or been bullied?

Have you ever wished death/pain upon someone, to their face or not?

Should bullying be against the law and strongly enforced, or is it a school/website issue that should be handled there?

Do you confront people who you witness being out of line and hurtful to others, or do you stay out of it?

Do you think this is a problem that could be solved one day, or is it inevitable?

I'm going to discuss this only within the realms of the physical world, or as we now know it, "real life".

Do you think there are things that should never be said, or is there really a time and place for everything?

Eh... I'm kind of on the fence on this one. I think I might be too young to answer.

What is your 'line' that you do not cross?

Whatever the line is with the person. If it's out of line to call them ugly, then I won't. If it's out of line to call them irish, then I won't. Whatever, basically.

Have you ever bullied someone or been bullied?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. I'm too fabulous for that.

Have you ever wished death/pain upon someone, to their face or not?

In my mind, yes. Because I'm angry, sad or hurt, not because I actually mean it to happen. It's just a way to let frustration out.

Should bullying be against the law and strongly enforced, or is it a school/website issue that should be handled there?

Bullying is against human rights. I believe that should settle the question nicely. However, let's not forget usually the bullies are at school, bullying little kids who don't know how to defend themselves. Obviously parents and teachers should bitchslap the fuckers protect those who need protection and punish those who bully.

Do you confront people who you witness being out of line and hurtful to others, or do you stay out of it?

Depends. If the person this is happening to is capable of dealing with it, I let them deal with it. For example, a couple of old ladies were pissing on a girl my age and calling her a whore, but the girl was handling herself so nicely that I just laughed at her remarks. I honestly felt she didn't need nor wanted any help. On the other hand, when my brother was being bullied and I found out, I told him that if the kids touched him ever again I'd go to his school and put them in the hospital.

Do you think this is a problem that could be solved one day, or is it inevitable?

Inevitable. Sad, but that's what I think. As much as we try to teach tolerance, there will always be those who discriminate, hate or fear a certain group of people, whether because they're homosexual or twihards. Silly or serious, this problem will always persist, mainly because it's a schoolyard thing; kids are evil.

I am curious, however, Lenora. May I ask why did you cry to the bathroom instead of turning around and punching the guy in the mouth? I'm not saying this just for the sake of it; I'm asking because if you want to change the world, you must change it yourself. No one around you had the balls to tell him off? You should have done it. You should have said something along the lines of "Well fucker, nigger or not I'm pretty sure if you saw him in a dark alley you'd be pissing your pants" but maybe with less cussing. Or more. Change is good, but if no one around you has the balls to take that first step, either you take it yourself or the world will be stuck. You know what I'm saying?

Originally Posted by NeuzaKC

I am curious, however, Lenora. May I ask why did you cry to the bathroom instead of turning around and punching the guy in the mouth? I'm not saying this just for the sake of it; I'm asking because if you want to change the world, you must change it yourself. No one around you had the balls to tell him off? You should have done it.

I would have turned around and decked the guy. I'm petite. I'm 5'2" on a GOOD day, and I'm a woman, which in a setting with as much aggression as a hockey arena has (and I played hockey for seven years and am still a huge fan, I know all about this), is typically thought of as another "weakness". You'll find that the security guards around the arena don't have much of a sense of humor about this sort of thing... and especially if the comment is geared towards someone on the home team. So while I, personally, would have started one hell of a fight, if that's not your style, you could just as easily have gotten him thrown out. That's disgusting, and people like him make me sick to my stomach.

Can I ask what arena it was?

Originally Posted by NeuzaKC

I am curious, however, Lenora. May I ask why did you cry to the bathroom instead of turning around and punching the guy in the mouth? I'm not saying this just for the sake of it; I'm asking because if you want to change the world, you must change it yourself. No one around you had the balls to tell him off? You should have done it. You should have said something along the lines of "Well fucker, nigger or not I'm pretty sure if you saw him in a dark alley you'd be pissing your pants" but maybe with less cussing. Or more. Change is good, but if no one around you has the balls to take that first step, either you take it yourself or the world will be stuck. You know what I'm saying?

I'm not much of a fighter unless I'm physically defending someone, as a last resort. I'm shy, and I'm also small with no real fighting ability. This man was huge and drunk and obviously had a huge potential to be very violent. Telling someone off doesn't really work when you're scared, and I probably would've burst into tears, making me look more like an emotional child than a more mature individual trying to talk sense into this hatred. Nothing good would've come from confronting him. I probably would've been kicked out, and the game wasn't even half way over yet. Not to mention the fact that this man probably wouldn't be pissing himself, he'd be getting his redneck gun out.

I did talk to security, but Sullivan security is... Well, they leave something to be desired. By the time I had found one and they took their time getting down there, the man had spotted what was going on and stopped. When she left about 2 seconds later, there was no more screaming, just racist peanut gallery comments.

If I can't have a mature conversation with someone, I'm pretty useless as far as confrontation goes, because I really don't have it in me to hurt someone who has done nothing but be completely ignorant and out of line.

So, no, violence was never an option, it wasn't that simple.

Do you think there are things that should never be said, or is there really a time and place for everything?

I think that there are things that should be said, just NOT IN PUBLIC! personally, i usually keep nasty thoughts to myself. but if it's really bothering me and feel like i absolutely HAVE to say something, i'll talk to a friend of mine because he's a good listener and i know he'd never repeat anything i say to anyone if i tell him not to. the way i see it, there are two worlds: the spoken world and the unspoken world. the unspoken world should remain unspoken.

What is your 'line' that you do not cross?

come to think of it, i have quite a lot of 'lines' that i refuse to cross but here are a few:

1. I hate using the word 'hate' because i consider it to be an extremely strong word, while other people say it without a second thought.
2. I do not punch people. i find words to be just as, if not more, effective. and even then, i dont say anything particularly mean (usually just a few sarcastic comments) unless someone somehow manages to seriously piss me off, which very rarely happens.

Have you ever bullied someone or been bullied?

Yes... but not anymore. lol unless they want to get told and/or humiliated, they leave me alone. if they don't then theyre the ones that end up looking weak and stupid. and since people pick on other people to feel better about themselves, they find messing with me to be extremely counter-productive. and all without swinging a punch.

Have you ever wished death/pain upon someone, to their face or not?

I have wished that certain people will get what is coming to them, but no more than that. if i do, then i would be no better than they are.

Should bullying be against the law and strongly enforced, or is it a school/website issue that should be handled there?

The way i see it, it is fairly naive to think that a law would single-handedly solve the problem. i believe that a law against the problem would have little, if any, effect. there always going to be bullies out there. i think that bullying should be discouraged and everyone should be taught to feel good about themselves. strong character in everyone seems to be the best solution to me. if everyone felt good about themselves, the bullies would have no desire to pick on anyone because their reason for doing so no longer exists. and if the people that get picked on had high self-esteem, then they wouldnt let this person's words hurt them - if the bully isn't getting a scared or intimidated/submissive reaction from the person they are trying to bully, then they will leave the person alone. so this solution really benefits both sides. hey, it worked for me. unfortunately, this an extremely idealistic concept, seeing as we are all human and acknowledging the fact that there will always be mean people out there.

Do you confront people who you witness being out of line and hurtful to others, or do you stay out of it?

Yes, i confront people because i figure that if i dont say something there and then, no one will. ignoring such a terrible thing makes me no better than all the other people in the room that see it but say nothing. for example, at lunch in the cafeteria, i sit at a table next to the table that a friend of mine sits at (our other friends do not tend to get along very well...) and she came over during the start of lunch before her other friends got there to say hey. while we were talking, a supposed guy 'friend' came up behind her and reached down and touched her thigh. she quietly said stop it. (she's had problems with people like him all year but this is the first time i'd been with her when someone's done something. she has some confidence problems which is probably why people pick on her like that) he said 'ok'. we kept talking. guess what? a few minutes later, he did the same thing again. ok, by now, ive had it. she's my friend and i dont like this one bit.

Me: DUDE! stop it.
Him: what? she doesnt mind.
Me: yeah she does. and so do i.
Him:*looks at me like i've popped a gasket*
Me: *gives him the 'you-leave-her-alone-and-never-touch-her-again-or-i'll-make-your-life-miserable' look*
Him: alright, alright!
Me: good. *fake happy smile*
(after he leaves)
Me: if someone ever does anything like that to you again, you tell me. got it?
Her: ok :)

Do you think this is a problem that could be solved one day, or is it inevitable?

Like i said before, there will ALWAYS be mean people out there. The best thing we can do is attempt to treat the problem while simultaneously treating the symptoms.

Originally Posted by fade_to_grey

Do you think there are things that should never be said, or is there really a time and place for everything?

I think that there are things that should be said, just NOT IN PUBLIC! personally, i usually keep nasty thoughts to myself. but if it's really bothering me and feel like i absolutely HAVE to say something, i'll talk to a friend of mine because he's a good listener and i know he'd never repeat anything i say to anyone if i tell him not to. the way i see it, there are two worlds: the spoken world and the unspoken world. the unspoken world should remain unspoken.

What is your 'line' that you do not cross?

come to think of it, i have quite a lot of 'lines' that i refuse to cross but here are a few:

1. I hate using the word 'hate' because i consider it to be an extremely strong word, while other people say it without a second thought.
2. I do not punch people. i find words to be just as, if not more, effective. and even then, i dont say anything particularly mean (usually just a few sarcastic comments) unless someone somehow manages to seriously piss me off, which very rarely happens.

Have you ever bullied someone or been bullied?

Yes... but not anymore. lol unless they want to get told and/or humiliated, they leave me alone. if they don't then theyre the ones that end up looking weak and stupid. and since people pick on other people to feel better about themselves, they find messing with me to be extremely counter-productive. and all without swinging a punch.

Have you ever wished death/pain upon someone, to their face or not?

I have wished that certain people will get what is coming to them, but no more than that. if i do, then i would be no better than they are.

Should bullying be against the law and strongly enforced, or is it a school/website issue that should be handled there?

The way i see it, it is fairly naive to think that a law would single-handedly solve the problem. i believe that a law against the problem would have little, if any, effect. there always going to be bullies out there. i think that bullying should be discouraged and everyone should be taught to feel good about themselves. strong character in everyone seems to be the best solution to me. if everyone felt good about themselves, the bullies would have no desire to pick on anyone because their reason for doing so no longer exists. and if the people that get picked on had high self-esteem, then they wouldnt let this person's words hurt them - if the bully isn't getting a scared or intimidated/submissive reaction from the person they are trying to bully, then they will leave the person alone. so this solution really benefits both sides. hey, it worked for me. unfortunately, this an extremely idealistic concept, seeing as we are all human and acknowledging the fact that there will always be mean people out there.

Do you confront people who you witness being out of line and hurtful to others, or do you stay out of it?

Yes, i confront people because i figure that if i dont say something there and then, no one will. ignoring such a terrible thing makes me no better than all the other people in the room that see it but say nothing. for example, at lunch in the cafeteria, i sit at a table next to the table that a friend of mine sits at (our other friends do not tend to get along very well...) and she came over during the start of lunch before her other friends got there to say hey. while we were talking, a supposed guy 'friend' came up behind her and reached down and touched her thigh. she quietly said stop it. (she's had problems with people like him all year but this is the first time i'd been with her when someone's done something. she has some confidence problems which is probably why people pick on her like that) he said 'ok'. we kept talking. guess what? a few minutes later, he did the same thing again. ok, by now, ive had it. she's my friend and i dont like this one bit.

Me: DUDE! stop it.
Him: what? she doesnt mind.
Me: yeah she does. and so do i.
Him:*looks at me like i've popped a gasket*
Me: *gives him the 'you-leave-her-alone-and-never-touch-her-again-or-i'll-make-your-life-miserable' look*
Him: alright, alright!
Me: good. *fake happy smile*
(after he leaves)
Me: if someone ever does anything like that to you again, you tell me. got it?
Her: ok :)

Do you think this is a problem that could be solved one day, or is it inevitable?

Like i said before, there will ALWAYS be mean people out there. The best thing we can do is attempt to treat the problem while simultaneously treating the symptoms.

Please put the spoons in quotes, as per the Mene rules. :yes:

i have never bullied anyone about anything.
i am too shy to do that, thank God!
i have witnessed bullying and went to find the sister in charge.
i really think people have no morals these days and say what ever they want,
especially in a sports arena while partaking in an adult beverage or twenty.
calling the goalie a racial slur was white trashie trailer park behavior.
it's a shame some other men did not stand up and make him feel small for doing so.
i sure would have said something, but then it infuriates me when people are picked on.
i am glad you went to security, such that it was.
funny how people like to belittle others to feel superior when it just makes them look small.

There's a time and a place for all comments, should you really feel the dire need to make them. When I was younger, I wasn't verbal or confrontational about those sorts of situations. If someone said something horribly offensive or aggressive, I wouldn't make a comment in return. Now I have no qualms with landing them a violent aggression right into the ground. I had a class with this older man who openly announced his hate for women, democrats, liberals, hippies, middle-eastern culture, etc. It was like this perfect storm of racism and "im frum america hurr hurr". But I never spoke up about it in class because everyone who spoke agreed with him. Even when he said "Democrats should all die." Particularly, because he carried a gun to school.

I'll just tell someone outright that I don't like their comments. Whether it's rude to other women (i.e. friends calling other girls 'sluts') or someone picking on another person. I was bullied as a kid, so I can't stand that kind of garbage behavior. Online or off.

It's even worse online, because people think they can say whatever pathetically cowardly thing they want and have no consequence. Even more so when it happens to them they start whining about how unfairly they've been victimized.

Freedom of Speech.

I find it hilarious that it takes people killing themselves for people to realize that bullying is serious buisness. What about those of us who have suffered in silence? The fact that the Anti-Bullying morons only care about the bullying that happens now is pathetic. No one should be bullied. They should have raised awareness about this bullshit in the 1950's when it was REALLY bad. But now that kids are killing themselves they all of a sudden care?
Fuck them. Fuck them to hell.

It's not like "they" weren't aware of it before.
And who is "they"?
And what does freedom of speech have to do with it?

Originally Posted by jupiter

It's not like "they" weren't aware of it before.
And who is "they"?
And what does freedom of speech have to do with it?

By saying that you can't say mean things to people, they're infringing on your right to free speech.

And "they" are the teachers and staff who let people get away with bullying instead of listening.

I think that their is a time and place for everything.
At the same time i am known to snap at people. Lets face it people today are horrible. ( I know its not everyone)
Yes I have been bullied. Its sucks.

What is your 'line' that you do not cross?
I like to think that people should think about what they say before they say it... If it could hurt someone, or be taken the wrong way, then I won't say it. I believe everyone should do this... It can definitely prevent a lot of bad things happening now. If only people would think before they speak.
I'll usually accept a slip-up here and there, but anything that offends, and/or triggers us, I don't accept, and I'll usually stop associating with the person who hurt us.

Have you ever bullied someone or been bullied?
Can't say I've bullied anyone, (at least, not on purpose) but we've definitely been bullied before. Even our own parents have bullied us in the past.

Have you ever wished death/pain upon someone, to their face or not?
No. No, that's just awful. Sure, we've wanted karma to come back and bite them in the ass sometimes, but I've never wished death, or pain on someone.

Should bullying be against the law and strongly enforced, or is it a school/website issue that should be handled there?
I don't think it should be against the law. I think bullies are scared, that's why they feel the need to scare others. If it were against the law, that'd fuck up both the lives of the bully, and the victim. I think it should be strongly enforced, but not illegal. Bullies need help too!

Do you confront people who you witness being out of line and hurtful to others, or do you stay out of it?
We're selectively mute. We can't speak to anyone but the parents, our SO, and people whom we have some mutual contact with. If we witness someone being hurtful towards someone else, we try to contact someone we can speak to, and try to get them to contact someone in authority. A teacher, the child's parents, the police, etc.

Do you think this is a problem that could be solved one day, or is it inevitable?
Anything is possible. Though, it's unlikely, I think. Bullying has been happening since the beginning of time. I don't think it's likely to stop any time soon.

Originally Posted by Marionetta

By saying that you can't say mean things to people, they're infringing on your right to free speech.

And "they" are the teachers and staff who let people get away with bullying instead of listening.

That's not what "free speech" means.
Which notes that some didn't pay attention in civics class, if they still teach them.

Originally Posted by jupiter

That's not what "free speech" means.
Which notes that some didn't pay attention in civics class, if they still teach them.

LOL I don't think you know what free speech is. At all.

Originally Posted by Marionetta

LOL I don't think you know what free speech is. At all.

No, she's right. Freedom of speech and verbal abuse/harassment are two different beasts. Look up harm principle on wiki.;)