This thread contains some mature content and viewer discretion is advised. CWC will not exceed Mene's PG13 rating.
Collars, Whips & Chains - Oh My!
Welcome to CWC! We're glad to have you. c:
CWC is a hangout for BDSM enthusiasts - whether you participate, research or just happen to find it interesting! We're here to bring together like minded people and share in the woes of BDSM in the vanilla world, discuss various topics relating to BDSM or to just chat and make new, lasting friendships. Keep your prejudices at the door! CWC is a drama free zone.
We welcome questions from open minded and curious individuals!
There will be zero discussion of underage participation of any kind; sexual or otherwise! In order to legally participate in BDSM (whether in the safety of your own home or elsewhere) you must be the age of majority. Depending on your area, this could be between the ages of eighteen and twenty-one. Please be aware of the laws in your country/region!
Individuals who participate in BDSM have varying titles or roles. What may be considered the three primary roles are dominant, submissive and switch. The terms d-type and s-type are used to refer to any dominant or submissive role, whereas switches will be referred to as their current "mindset" (if they wish).
BDSM is a consensual act. It is not abuse.
Last edited by D A R L I N G; 02-19-2012 at 04:19 AM..
01.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Oh~ You know what I mean? We're all human, and we all deserve a little respect every now and again. Here in CWC, respect is mandatory. If you don't feel that you are capable of addressing everyone with that mandatory respect, then don't post. It's that simple.
02.) Role playing will not be tolerated! In order to keep this thread alive and not deleted for being inappropriate I am banning role playing entirely. If you'd like to role play, then feel free to head over the role playing forum.
03.) Remember not to be explicit in your details! Mene is a PG13 site, and I would really, really like to keep this thread. > _ O; It's really not that difficult, I promise!
04.) Mene's TOS states that you shall not link to sexually explicit material, but there will be some leniency shown toward sexually oriented material that is posted with tact. My advice? Don't post it if it's NSFW. We know how to find boobies if we want them.
05.) Be happy! : D This is a place for friendly discussion, making friends and just having a gay ole time. So, put a smile on that face and be happy! Seriously, or I'll cut you. >8|
Last edited by D A R L I N G; 02-19-2012 at 12:20 AM..
Q. Is BDSM legal? A. In most places, yes. However, there are still some areas in the world that outlaw any form of BDSM. Be aware of your local and national laws! Just because the law may not say that BDSM is illegal, there still may be some laws that make practicing BDSM in a public forum risky. For example, some USA states have a law in place where if a law enforcement officer witness man on man violence he must make an arrest whether the act was consensual or not.
Q. Is BDSM all about sex? A. No. I know it must seem like that to a lot of people who are not familiar with BDSM, but there really are quite a few practitioners who are not interested in the sexual side of it. Even when the practitioners are, there still may be things they do in the scene that has nothing to do with sex.
Q. Were all the people who practice BDSM abused or otherwise damaged in their life? A. All? No. It would be ridiculous to say that no one in the scene has been abused or hurt in some way, but it's also ridiculous to say that the people who enjoy these things are damaged goods.
Questions and answers are coming as I think of them... It would be super awesome if you had some questions of your own! : D
Last edited by D A R L I N G; 02-19-2012 at 03:44 AM..
There are various titles associated with BDSM, but they can ultimately be broken down into two primary groups: dominant or submissive.
A dominant takes the controlling role in a BDSM relationship and/or scene. Other dominant titles are top, master/mistress or owner.
A submissive takes the obedient/receiving role in a BDSM relationship and/or scene. Other submissive titles are bottom, slave, pet.
Definitions and other roles.X
NOTE: Not everyone's definition is the same. If you have a different definition than what is listed, then feel free to ping me and let me know. If I feel it's an accepted definition then I'll add it as an alternative interpretation.
Bottom - A receiving role.
Dominant - The individual who maintains control in a BDSM relationship and/or scene.
Master - The dominant role in a Master/slave relationship.
Pet - A submissive role; an individual who is cherished by their dominant. Pet may also refer to individuals who participate in pet play - such as pony play, puppy play or kitten play.
Slave - The submissive role in a Master/slave relationship.
Submissive - The individual who receives and or obeys in a BDSM relationship and/or scene.
Switch - An individual who fluidly switches between dominant and submissive roles.
Top - A dominant role.
Terms and their definitions are coming as fast as Dar can type! Upcoming definitions are types of play, toys and misc. BDSM terms! If you have suggestions, then ping me!
Last edited by D A R L I N G; 02-19-2012 at 03:51 AM..
1. Can a submissive be a top without being a switch?
Can a dominant be a bottom without being a switch?
2. Many will argue that while submissives, slaves and pets are all s-types they are not all equal. Opinions?
Every role is defined differently in every relationship. Do submissives, slaves and pets have an overarching similarity in their relationships that would make them want to separate themselves from other s-types?
Last edited by D A R L I N G; 02-19-2012 at 03:51 AM..
Hi. c: I'm Dar. I thought that it would be polite of me to introduce myself to those who don't know me, and maybe help anyone who is curious figure out why I created this thread.
I'm your average twenty-two year old wife and mother. I live with six other adults in a very small and cramped house. In this house, there are three dogs, three cats and one seven month old baby. It is likely the craziest, rowdiest house on the east cost.
I was raised to respect my elders, to mind my Ps and Qs, to study first and play later. I was discouraged to stay out late, or to spend time around questionable individuals. There was never a time that I lied to my parents, or that I did not heed their warnings. I was a B student, and I spent a majority of my time playing sports.
I was a social butterfly that fluttered around the wall flowers.
There is no real transition from then to now. I still hold onto the same respect, patience and humility that my parents raised me to have. I do not delight in the company of ne'er-do-wells, and I strive to be the very best human being that I can be.
My husband is my dominant. He introduced me to this world over a year and a half ago, and I took to it like a moth to the flame. Originally, it was merely an interest in the why, and then it became more about the who. I read, I studied... I discovered. It was fascinating.
I experimented. I liked it. I kept doing it, and here I am today.
Just as sweet and as good as I have ever been.
BDSM isn't just a hobby for me, it's a lifestyle. I go through every single day as a submissive. I address my husband as my dominant. I surround myself by people who are also participants in the BDSM lifestyle because they understand my lifestyle choices better than anyone, and they won't accuse my husband of misogyny. They see me as the strong woman that I am in spite of my role.
ElysiumFate: The thread is up but not quite finished... c: I figured it would take me forever and a day to open this place if I waited until I had all the information that I wanted, so... Voila! XD LOL.
Uhhhh, hmmm. I'm kind of drained as far as academic discussions go for today--I was touring a university all morning--but I guess I can ask about everyone else's days for now. ^^
It did, but I'm kind of sprouting gray hairs because of how large the campus is, and only then because it's going to be really hard to schedule classes when it takes half an hour to walk to one. >.>
Yay pizza. I love that stuff so much--I'd eat it for every meal if I could.
Hai also means yes in Japanese! This reminds me of a comedian who made a joke about how one word can mean several different things in different languages. X3
- - -
So, I was on Fetlife - a kinky, Facebook-esque website - and I read a journal entry by a man who feels that because several people do not practice "The Lifestyle" like him it makes everyone else posers. If they don't act the way he feels they should act, then they are not actually what they "pretend" to be. Here is an exert from the entry about how submissives should act:
Quote:
1. Submissives do not talk negatively about anyone at any time.
2. Submissives do not make demands.
3. Submissives are kind, gentle, soft, loving, accepting and patient.
In my opinion, this kind of talk is what inspires the thought that submissives cannot and should not stand up for themselves, speak out against those who wrong them or seek out dominants who fit them.
There is nothing that I detest more than a dominant who feels that a submissive (a female submissive at that) has no right to make demands, to voice a negative opinion or have any fight in them. Essentially, these kind of dominants do not want their submissives to have a sense of self.
I find these dominants often have severe self-esteem issues. They're usually stuck in dead-end jobs or have no respect from their co-workers, and may have terrible social skills outside of the BDSM scene. They hold no real power in their day-to-day life.
You can't reason with these people either, and they often confess that they learned everything they know about being a "dom" from the internet (in this particular case - yahoo). They have very little real-life experience in spite of saying they've been in "The Lifestyle" for 5, 10, 15 years. Typically, that time was spent in BDSM chatrooms - probably starting from the late teens - early twenties.
While I have nothing against those who prefer the online experience, I am not fond of people who think that being a dominant only takes reading some articles online. It's a hands-on process that can take years. You have to be emotionally available (or at least be knowledgeable enough to provide another person who is), you have to be aware that - in the end - you're not calling the shots; the submissive is. You have to be capable of knowing what is too much and when can you safely push the submissive's limits.
There is nothing that says a submissive can't be arrogant or bratty. There aren't any guidelines on how to be "the perfect submissive" or as it is often said "a twue swabe". The same can be said about dominants.
However, there is a right and a wrong way to do things.
This person - specifically - hasn't a clue about what they're doing. He says one thing, and does another. He wants to live this fantasy, but doesn't understand that you can live a perfectly normal life and still indulge in something that is quite popular in BDSM - role play.
I haven't figured out if this man is simply obsessed with the idea or is actually trying to implement it, but there is one thing I know for sure...
He is not going to last in this scene. Too many people are offended by this kind of behavior, and there is rarely any room for someone so willing to disregard an individual's rights as a human being.
- - -
:U The man deleted his journal entry before I had a change to make my own comment, so I had to vent here about it.
