I think smacking a child is okay if it's not severe and too often. I would rather ground the child by saying like no T.V. or something like that. Or the old fashion way how my parent did was kneel on both legs facing the wall for like 20 minutes. It hurts a bit but not too much but I wouldn't want to do it again so I wouldn't want to do that again.

Regardless, everyone who comes in here is most likely going to do base their opinion off of what their parents did. If you were spanked and "turned out alright," you're more likely to be feel that spanking your child is proper parenting. Forcing your child to eat something they don't like certainly won't make them more open to trying new things. There are plenty of other ways to support a child's growth and helping them be more open to trying things than forcing them into them. It's absolutely sickening to see parents out at restaurants forcing their children to eat things. If you'd like for your child to be open to trying new things, how about encouraging them to take a taste?

The way my parents had done it was encouraging me to take a bite. After encouraging me, if I tried it and liked it, I was dished more. If not, then that was simply the end of that and I would not have to try any more. Forcing me to eat the food would have only made me resent my parents for not being able to deal with an issue properly.

While pain does help establish a fear of authority in the child, since when has fear of authority been a good thing? What that does is cause the child to feel as though they are unable to speak out against their superiors, fearing that in speaking their mind they will be punished in some way. Even as adults, I've seen many who are unable to speak out against someone who is viewed as the authority figure. Parents who need to use pain rather than parenting are lazy, and should take a few classes before they send their child into the adult world with major psychological issues.

It can also be argued that if a child grows up knowing that hitting people is alright if they are acting in a way that they dislike, the child will grow into a person who hits to get what they want. More hitting isn't going to solve this issue. It will just make the child angrier and be forced to take that anger out upon other children. Do we really need more people who use physical violence to get the things that they want? The answer is clearly no.

@Nautilus: We agree in that spanking is okay as long as it's done as a punishment for something bad [like stealing, hitting other people, destroying objects, etc], but NOT as the "solution" for every single error the kid does. Hitting too hard and too often makes the kid a rebel. The point in spanking is not only to teach the kid that doing such things can result in him receiving pain , but embarrasment too.

Example: My mother spanked me, but not because I refused to take soup. She spanked me for hitting my aunties, for climbing the closet even though she clearly told me no, for destroying a telescope, etc. But when it came to food, yes, they started convincing me with that they don't want food that everyone else wants to get wasted. It made me feel guilty and ate :sweat: I was so skinny they just had to make me eat lol. Today I have some conscience and only take what I know I'll eat.

It does instill some fear, but doesn't it instill respect too? I mean, these parents are teaching you something, and try not to hit too hard, so that next time you think about doing something, you'll stop and think twice about the consequences.

Apart from that, every kid is different. There are the ones who understand with an explanation, the others who need a time out, and finally, the ones who for some reason will only get the message after a spank. As long as it you try the first techniques and fail, spanking as a last resort seems okay.


I also want to make clear the difference between spanking your kid and hitting your kid: Spanking is swatting your kid on his rear as a punishment for something bad the kid did. Hitting is hurting your child just because. Totally different!

I think that it's a case-by-case issue. I'm not a mom yet, my boyfriend and I aren't QUITE ready to go off the pills yet and try for babies. That's waiting until after we're married. But I already know more or less how I'm going to raise my children.

First of all, I will spank them, but only as an ultimate punishment, and only when their little, because let's face it. After a certain age, spanking is less of a punishment and more of an insult. I was spanked as a child, but I was spanked past an appropriate age, I feel. And a little hard. She actually broke the paddle on me once. My stepmother and I had issues. I don't think she knew what she was doing, which is understandable because I was the first child she'd ever had to raise.
Second of all, I won't force them to eat anything, but I will force them to try it. I can't tell you how many times I was forced to eat something as I child that I hated, and I came to resent my stepmom for it. My dad would stick up for me, and after a time, they came to that agreement. As long as I was willing to give it a chance, I didn't have to eat it if I didn't like it. But I did have to take at least one bite. And I think that's fair, because I came to discover a lot of new things that way. Nowadays I am still a picky eater, but I'll try anything.
Another unrelated topic, I'm not going to smother my children. When they're little, I'll do everything I can to instill the values I beleive they need to haveto be successful adults, and continue that as they grow. But when they get older, if they start to have different opinions than me, or if they start to think on their own, I'm not going to panic and force them to conform to my opinions. Another case with my stepmom. She's a very conservative Christian woman, and used to drag me kicking and screaming to church every Sunday. When I got older, and started thinking for myself, I started developing a new way of seeing things that went against her philosophy. I was pro-gay rights, pro-gay marriage, anti-bible, I even wanted to become an atheist. She actually punished me for that. And I think that's wrong.
Also, if you're going to punish your child by means other than spankings, BE REASONABLE. I used to have an over active bladder in elementary school, and I couldn't help it. She got so fed up, she actually made me wear the dirty panties on my head with my nose in the corner. To this day, the single most embarrassing thing in my life, and one I haven't ever shared with a single person. Only the anonymity of the internet makes me feel comfortable. Even if you never ever hit them, you can still overdo it.

@Nambs: Your dirty panties...?! What a jerk! D'8 Seriously, some mothers can overdo punishments without involving spankings >.< I remember watching on TV that some woman made her daughter burn her little hands with boiling water just because the kid did something wrong.

Wow, boiling water? That can still be compared to spanking though, because it's inflicting pain. I personally think that humilation is MUCH more damaging. Especially when you're making them feel that way for something they can't control.

Of course. If you had an overactive bladder, your mom should have sent you to the doctor inmediatly [my mom did that with my sis >o>']

I don't think it's comparable to spanking though. When you spank you're making sure it's not too hard, but hard enough the kid feels humilliated by his/her actions. The kids on TV had her hands horribly burned, covered in blisters. Now that's traumatizing!

:shock: I think that Hitting does not solve anything....if you sit down and have a discussion on what a child has done they will listen to you if you make them feel guilty and they will also be grateful that they did not get hit or anything.....plus if you hit them a great amount then they get sed to it and start to just ignore the fact that yoou hit them and take it. :shock:

First off, omi is my sister...so to clear up any confusion.
@Omiruku
Negativity feeds negativity. I was the most punished child of the family, and in my opinion, it didn't do much to keep me from rebelling a bit. You come from a family where it's the norm, but not all children are stopped from misbehavior by spanking. Lots turn that negativity around and use it on others.
In my opinion, I think spanking was a horrible childhood experience that was used as a threat up to the time I became an adult. (yes, until I left at 18)
I think discipline could have been handled better in our house, but on the other hand, none of us turned out to be rotten eggs (if you leave me out). So I think they did a good ob of teaching us.
I don't think you received any harsh or physical discipline compared to me.

Children need rules and discipline for them to be mannerly I think.

As I child, I was smacked if I misbehaved. Nothing too serious, but I never liked it.
I don't believe that negativity feeds negativity, unless the child is a bit older, around 8.

When they're young, a child is still learning about the world, and they need to be taught what is good and what is bad.
If they misbehave and get spanked for it, they'll realise it was wrong. So long as they aren't encouraged by anyone they'l most likely learn not to do it again.

At around 7 or 8 though, I think the child is old enough to know not to do certain things, a punishment for that age should be grounding.

I don't ever think that parents should shout at their kids a lot, or aggressively.
It shows lack of respect, and kids will grow up not respecting their parents much then.

When my mom was angry with me, she would slap or spank me. I was not disobeying on purpose, I had a lot of issues and was terrified of many things.

I had a specific problem with showering (disgusting, I know -sigh-)
I could not be naked. I can not explain it, it just made me feel vulnerable, like I was in a position to be taken advantage of. I had been a little bit when I was younger with another kid in my naiiivity, but when I mentioned it to my mom later, she thought nothing of it because the kid and I were not doing anything more than exposing ourselves to eachother. Well, I had been too innocent at the time and felt tricked and violated later. Anyway, I just need to give you background so that you understand where I was coming from. I was very emotionally unstable.

When my mom spanked me, I took it as a form of violent molestation, it was the equivalent to me.

One time I locked myself in the bathroom, because I was so scared, my mom threatened to call the police if I did not open the door. When I opened it, she took me by the hair and drug me into the shower, with me crying and begging and everything.

And all this to a quiet and painfull shy child who never acted out. Why was any of that crap necessary? I felt so dirty that I nearly killed myself over it as several points because it was too much for me to bare. I needed help, I know, and violence wasn't substituting for kind understanding.


So what I'm saying is this: all kids are NOT the same, put more pressure on some and they will crumble. Do not assume that a child who is not hit is spoiled or that hitting a child solves anything.
My mom is not a bad person, she was just foolish enough to take generic parenting advice.

@Sanctuary: Honestly, at that point I think it goes beyond just spanking and becomes child abuse. o__o; That's part of why I don't have strong approval for spanking as punishment since it tends to be so overused and can escalate to stronger violence (not saying it always does or anything, again it depends on the parents, the child, and the situation).

:offtopic:
@Anna_Crackers: Are all your sisters on Mene now? XD And you're certainly not a rotten egg.

I think this should really depend on the parents, and it's their decision to whether or not they want to discipline their children, afterall, discipline IS a good thing for kids to have. Just don't beat them to death is all you gotta do!

I think a kid should be spanked if they were doing something (or not) they were(n't) repeatedly. But only occasionally. Otherwise, they'll just get used to it.

I wasn't spanked that I can remember, but I'm sure I was at least once.

I think the best thing to do is to teach them to not do bad stuff in the first place, and there you go, no crime OR punishment.

But I think a good punishment would be taking away something you kid practicallt can't live without. (But again, occasionally.)

That's what my parents did with me (my brother's a different story) and I am just fine. Only dentention was for being late to P.E. eventhough I had to run across campus, but that's not important.

And I hate it when parents hit or scream at their kids in public. (What kind of impression are you going for?) It just bothers me.

Once, I saw a man with a young child in a stroller, and the kid was crying. The guy kept jerking the stroller back and yelling at the kid to stop crying. I wanted to scream at him!!!! "DUDE, stop it, that is what's making him cry!!!!!!!!!!!!" Grrrrrrrrrr!

Whatever, in the end, I guess you have to find the balance. Not too soft, but not to strict either.

Sometimes I thing phsycial pain should only been used in extreme situation only. I know sometimes it can be taken to the extreme, but sometimes it needs to be extreme for kids to get in their head. I mean when I was a kid it was okay to spank your child and I know kids my age who are better people cause they got discipline properly. Now I'm not saying beat the tar out of your kids till the cows come home, but kids nowadays run all over their parents and its annoying to watch in stores. I want to tell them "Smack your kid, I won't tell them" I see kids hit their parents and sometimes hit them with objects. I don't believe it letting the kids do what they want. Thats the parents job to determine whether its okay or not to allow for certian behaivor to be acceptable. So what I'm basically saying spank if you need too, but don't go over board on it

I think the whole mess about spanking a child hurt his/her potential/ self asteem ect. is bullshit.
When I was naughty, I got spankings, and I'm perfectly ok.
My parents raised me correctly; to be respectful of my elders, to be polite, and all, so I rarely got spankings, but when they were needed I got them.
I feel like the whole "spare the rod(well hand), spoil the child" saying is true.
If there are no consequences for ones blatently bad actions, or small incentives for good ones, you tend to grow up being a spoiled, little horror to deal with.
That's why I have to shake my head every time a child throws an ugly temper tantrum in the store.
I would never think of embarrassing myself or my parents like that.

Also, you as a parent have to think about yourself. Are you playing your part?
Does your kid get enough attention, not only when they're bad, but especially when they've done something good. Kids like to be rewarded.
I'm not saying give the kid a freaking cookie, or money, just a small smile, or hug from their good old mom, and dad, or some sort of positive attention or interaction.

I was spanked as a child.
I also once had soap shoved in my mouth.
I've been dragged around by the arms until my shoulder damn near dislocated when I was little too.

It's child abuse. I understand punishment, but is teaching kids that violence is the answer (and that's what you should do to people who are wrong/have done wrong), really a good message?

If you want to discipline your child for running around, being loud and making a mess, set up a "bad chair". Make them sit, and be quiet in it for a specific amount of time. If they get out of the chair, add on minutes to the punishment. But make a little bit of a game out of it, or they'll resent you.
If they don't eat their dinner, don't let them have snacks or dessert.

But you know, I wouldn't focus on the punishments, I'd focus on how to prevent the behaviors in the first place.
For a kid that's loud and runs around a lot and makes a mess. Have them go outside more. Teach them to play tag. Let them make snowmen. Let them tire themselves out.

Spanking is NOT abuse.
Some things DO push the line, but now-a-days, people act like everything is child abuse.
Teaching a child, that they shouldn't misbehave is not a crime.
And to let a child know that there are consequences for their actions, is a good thing.
Reward the good, punish the bad.
Do try and get to the heart of the problem, but still let the child know that there ARE and WILL be consequences, for if they do something that they KNOW is wrong.

@ monstahh ::

If the child is only going to get up from the chair, it defeats the purpose of said chair. It's only human nature to push boundaries. And if a child feels that there are no real consequences for when they misbehave, well then they'll continue to misbehave.

When I have a child, I'll try not to spank or hit, but knowing my bad temper, I'll probably smack my kids around a bit xD
Not on the face or anything like that, but I'd give 'em a big smack on the ass.

I mean, if you look at some kids.
..oi.
Some kids just need to be hit xD

If you don't beat your children then they are gonna think that they are the boss when your supposed to be .

That's the problem with children now. If you just take away your child's games and toys and television they are just gonna be mad and when they come off of their punishment they are gonna do it again. But if you imprint it in their ass (excuse my language) their not gonna try any more foolishness.

The saying "Spare the rod and spoil the child" means that when you don't beat your child means they will become spoiled and then later on in life you won't be able to control them. But the thing with that is that most parents who beat are more likely to abuse their children which is probably why those laws were passed.

You definitely shouldn't beat your child, yeah, but there's nothing wrong with spanking them if they get in trouble. It's either this or sending them to a time out.

In my opinion, you're not supposed to spank a kid with your hands, for they are used in comfort after the discipline. If I was a parent, I'd use a flat stick to spank (or slap on the wrists).

I myself have never been spanked, but after getting "disciplined" by my boyfriend, I understood why parents spanked their kids...

I was never spanked my my mom's hand... she used a leather belt instead :x But yeah, for some reason now I can not even lie to her! >o>!