My boyfriend broke up with me today. We had known each other since we were 10. He went into the Army for 4 years, then moved back to our town. That's when we got together. He just broke up with me and his reason was because he was in love with the girl I was before he left, not who I am now :( I don't understand. He broke my heart. I had another ex who broke up with me because he was in love with who I used to be, not who I am. I just want to know why a guy can't love me for who I am now?! Am I really that unlovable? It hurts. It makes me feel like crap. The whole time I thought he loved me, he was clinging to some other version of me! I really loved him/was in love with him. He told me he was going to marry me?? I feel so hurt that he would say that now that I know what has been going on. I don't mean to sound pathetic. I just never saw it coming. I've never been in this much pain. I feel like there is something wrong with me now, like I have a defect or some other thing that makes me unlovable. I know it sounds silly, but it's true...

Not the person you used to be? Well it's true a lot of men do not like change.

I guess the question is are you happy with who you are and who you became?

Well, I was fine with who I am, but the fact that two of my ex's were in love with who I was and not who I am now makes me feel like there's something wrong with me now.

Ahem ... if i may make a common statement ...

"If they can't love you for who you are then fuck them."

Being a man I don't like change either but ... people change, they either move on or they get over it.

I think you're old enough to decide what you want.
If they can't accept you for who you are, sure as hell, they won't be there for you through the bad times you may experience.
Don't worry, one day you'll find someone who'll stay by your side through the good times and the bad.

I would like to quote Shakespeare here in response to your problem:

Love does not alter when there is an alteration

True love doesn't change because the one you love changes, or because there is a change in the relationship itself. He was selfish and didn't think to stay with you just because you may have changed. It hurts so much when people do that and I really hate that that happened to you. You're not unlovable. Don't ever think that. I often think that about myself and I know now, because of certain someone (Hi, Sam!) that everyone can be cared for by someone.

Good luck. Feel free to add me and message me anytime you have a problem. :) I'm always happy to help.

There is nothing wrong with you. If you're happy with who you are then you shouldn't let coments about who you were before get to you. Some people just don't like change. You'll find someone who will love you, even if you change.

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

I'd say it's their issue if you feel that you haven't really changed...sometimes a guy will say anything to cover his tail..

It sounds like another worn-out line.
"It's not you. It's me."
You need to start dating men and not boys.

It doesn't really matter what other people think, what matters is what you think about yourself. If a guy doesn't like the fact that your changing then that's just lame. There are guys out there that will accept who you are now and who you are developing into.

No one can expect someone to stay the same forever. Stop blaming yourself, because its not worth it.

Aww.. Don't feel like that JennaDoll, you're definitely not defective or unlovable. I was in a similar predicament, me and my boyfriend were going to get married, but he walked out on me. :/ It's definitely not fun, and it takes a long time to get past that horrible feeling, but you just have to keep walking with your head up high, and someday you'll find your prince! He'll be a million times better than your ex, and always be there for you. Just don't give up on love!

Your ex was a jerk, and that's all there was to him. It sounds like he's the one who changed, not you, and he changed for the worse. I'm really sorry that happened to you, and I hope you start feeling better! :)

I'm sorry you had to go through that. All I can say is try to live for yourself. don't try to change who you are to make someone else happy. I recently went through a tough brakeup myself where my girlfriend left me for her ex girlfriend. I also got a pretty lame excuse and now I don't know what to do because I'm being dragged along as a third wheel. Don't let that happen to you, a clean brake will be much easier. Good luck and may your heart heal quickly.

Originally Posted by Pipster

I'm sorry you had to go through that. All I can say is try to live for yourself. don't try to change who you are to make someone else happy. I recently went through a tough brakeup myself where my girlfriend left me for her ex girlfriend. I also got a pretty lame excuse and now I don't know what to do because I'm being dragged along as a third wheel. Don't let that happen to you, a clean brake will be much easier. Good luck and may your heart heal quickly.

Uh oh, that doesn't sound good. She left you for her girlfriend? And an ex no less. Don't be a third wheel, break it off completely. Just explain to them that you need to move on with your life. Breakups are hard, but don't let them play around with you like that.

Sorry, you didn't ask for advice.. But I hate to hear things like that.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your support.

It's nothing to do with you. When people are in a relationship they tend to grow. Just like you grow with your friends, or the ones who have taken another path in life leave and say their fair wells. You grow when your with your boyfriend/husband. You experience new things and learn from them. This sounds like these two guys couldn't keep up with you and decided to call it quits before even trying. That's not really love, dear. Not in my opinion. If the Army guy really loved you and was talking about marriage, he would have tried to make it work. Instead of using a cop out line. Hang in there though, you''l find someone who loves you for you and even when you change from experiences in your life.