This is another story that I didn't finish. It was originally for a story writing contest on Gaia but I had to drop it due to school.
“You are my sunshine; my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.” Mango’s voice silenced my contradictions as I sat cross legged on the nursery floor. It had taken her longer then expected to put Skylar to sleep. Smiling as she placed a sleeping Skylar in his crib Mango turned to face me.
“Are you okay?” The sincerity in her tone stung, she was being so kind and I knew I didn’t deserve it.
“Yea,” I lied, “the baby is kicking,” I smiled faintly and motioned for her to feel. Smiling she sat down next to me on the cool wooden floor and attempted to find where I was telling her to feel. Taking her hand in mine I found the spot were the baby’s tiny feet ‘bomp, bomp bomped’ against my abdomen. She smiled, a genuine smile, and I smiled back.
“Are you hungry?” She asked abruptly.
“Starving,” I stated, stumbling as I stood. Catching me Mango smiled, “Me too.”
Leaving the nursery the two of us walked, well Mango walked and I shuffled, down the hall and into the store. Being the co-owner of the town’s occult book store had its perks such as: living in the building, discounts on merchandise, and access to the main kitchen, which was were we were headed. My brother Angel, the owner of the store allowed me and Mango to live in his home as long as we were well behaved. Since Mango had Sky and I was with child, neither of us was up to our usual selves; let alone up to getting into trouble.
Once inside the store we stopped and surveyed the area. Floor to ceiling bookshelves held numerous books on the craft: the history, herbal magick, protection magick; you name it we sold it. A jewelry case in the corner was stocked with pentacles and anthems, as well as the crystals and various protection charms. The store, though worn down with age, was my home. It was packed with knowledge and history that I hungered for. A wide variety of books including some very ancient Book of Shadows lay within these four walls, and all I had to do was go out there and grab it.
As Mango walked into the kitchen I surveyed the shelves of books, skimmed through titles until I found the one I was looking for. The title was printed in an ancient alphabet as a precaution. Many witches translated their entire B.O.S into alphabets similar to the one I held in my hand to disguise their books and protect them in case they were stolen or lost. A person’s B.O.S was similar to a normal diary or journal the only difference was that a witch’s B.O.S was used to hold all the knowledge they knew, all the spells they have written and preformed. The normal tradition was that every initiated witch was to write in their very own B.O.S so when they got older and had children they could pass down the knowledge.
I remember reading somewhere that some covens required their members to contribute to a group B.O.S so that the coven's history could be recorded together. Either way the knowledge these books contained was unimaginable. Years of magick lingered in these pages; magick I wish I knew how to control.
"Tay?" I jumping at the sudden noise I gripped the book tight in my hand
“Y-yes?"
"Chocolate chip cookies okay?" Mango asked appearing besides me.
"Yes that sounds wonderful," I smiled faintly and clutched the leather bound book to my chest.
Mango nodded," Chocolate milk or plain?"
"Chocolate," I replied with out hesitation,” And can the cookies be double chocolate?" I inquired.
“I don't know..." she teased, a slight gleam in her eyes.
"Please?" I couldn't not believe I begged.
"Sure." Mango smiled and tugged at my hand "You're helping me though."
I sighed as Mango dragged me into the master kitchen; it had been a while since I was up to cooking so the pure beauty of the kitchen took me by surprise. The counter and walls were made of red brick that did not seem to age much through out the years. The appliances on the other hand were all stainless steel and high quality. Mango had to beg and grovel for months to be able to get these upgrades to the kitchen. The only thing that sealed the deal was Mango's ability to cook an edible meal.
"What do we need?" I asked, opening the freezer and surrendering myself to the cool air that seeped out.
“Two cups flour, one cup sugar. . . “As she listed off the ingredients a thought hit me. All of those ingredients added up and made something; in the end everything added up, everything but me.
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Incomplete; to not be whole, that is what I am; who I was before and after Andrew came into my life. The only time I felt whole was when I was with him; when the bases of happiness meant waking up each day to see him right there next to me. The thought of finding him lying next to me when I awoke each and every morning was nothing but fantasy and desire now that he was gone. My conscious played cruel and unusual jokes, twisted my reality, and left me to question if I made the right choice. It didn’t matter anyway Andrew was never coming back, he promised to never hurt me again, and Andrew, never broke a promise.
If he never broke a promise why did my heart ache so? Every breath I take brings me closer to tears; every tick of the clock makes my fragile heart jump; routinely counting down the minutes and hours till he should have come home from work. My mind, cruel and twisted, denied the fact that he was never coming home again. My heart; though it knew, was not able to process the loss. My mind struggled to piece together what exactly went down so naturally it did the only thing it could; shut down. A defense I wouldn’t normally condone I am stronger then that, but the pain was just too much for me. Maybe I should have listened to Jon and Mango; they knew him longer, but I thought I knew him better then that.
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"Oww!" My sudden outburst broke the silence in the kitchen. I glanced at Mango who looked at me with concern.
"Just a cramp," I said through gritted teeth, teetering slightly.
“Just a cramp my a..." I glanced at Mango again wondering why she stopped” Tay?!"
"Yea?" I cringed and stepped back
" I think it's time," she said matter-o-factly.
"How can you tell?" I cried clutching the fridge for support,"Instinct" she retorted, grabbing my hand and steering me to a seat. "Just relax; I am going to get Angel."
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Most people say the relationship Andrew and I had went against nature. If I wasn’t into astrology I would have thought nothing of such a trivial fact. What it all came down to was: our personalities clashed. Stubborn and loud the two of us conjured up enough drama to put
Sex in The City off air. Even though we argued constantly it was always resolved by the time night fell, and those few rare fights where we were too emotional to speak, dissolved quickly. We couldn’t stand being apart or being angry at each other for that matter. I was all that he had to fall back on; the only constant in his life, and I could never bring myself to hurt him; even when I had clearly won.
From an outsiders perspective our relationship was strictly friendship. There was no in-between, no gray area, just two inseparable friends. To our friends and family it was no shock that something had conspired between us. There was always a spark there, and Mango called me out on it first thing.
"I don't like you spending so much time with him."
"Andrew, his name is Andrew," was my annoyed reply.
"Stop before he hurts you."
At the time I worshiped the ground that Andrew walked on. I didn't see him as the type of guy that would hurt me intentionally. Looking back on it now, I could see her point of view a lot clearer. My family, though I love them dearly, never approved of my involvement with Andrew. My brothers Angel and Jon never agreed on anything but the fact that Andrew was no good.
“You deserve better,” Angel had said “I don’t want him to hurt you.”
“He will be the death of you,” Jon had warned. Though both were sincere in their concern I couldn’t bring myself to believe what they were saying. I thought they were playing with me, all the things they told me were only ploys to steer me away from him. In reality they only brought us closer; which infuriated my family even more.
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I don't know how long it took Angel to understand that I was going into labor. It must have been hard for him to imagine his little sister, not yet nineteen ready to experience the most memorable day of her young life. I watched helplessly as Angel fluttered around the kitchen.
"Did her water break yet?" He asked his tone low.
"No, but Angel would you rather be safe and take her to get checked out or would you rather her have the baby here?"
That sure got Angel's attention. Straightening up Angel glanced at me and then at Mango "Should I call him?" The way he said 'him' made me cringe, the baby kicked again and I yelped.
"No...” I said softly, "he doesn't have to know." My plan was to never tell Andrew about the baby. He made his choice and I made mine and I planned on keeping it that way. Angel looked at me as if measuring how well my judgment was and I sighed.
As the two of them made arraignments and argued about who would drive and who we should contact I sat there and contemplated what my options were. Maybe I made a mistake, maybe he should know. I couldn't tell any more, my world seemed to be falling apart right in front of me.
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I once proposed that we were soul mates, even if we couldn’t be together we would always have that connection. Reluctantly Andrew came around to my theory and added that we will always be friends; the best of. Andrew never broke a promise, so where was he now? The first few weeks I had tried to call him, to get in touch with him, but he was gone. Angel and Mango tried there best to find him, to let him know about the baby, but they too had no luck.