Okay, so one of my best friends got engaged a few days ago. This happened mostly because she was constantly bitching at her boyfriend (she even admitted that she was bitching) because they'd been together for 5 years and weren't engaged.

I've been engaged for a little over a year and am in the process of planning my wedding, which will take place a full year and a half BEFORE hers. I get that she's excited, but is it wrong for me to be a little irritated that she won't shut up about it? She'll offer to give me input on stuff I need help deciding that impacts her (dresses for bridesmaids--she's one of them--etc.), but then do a 180 and act like I'm a bitch for wanting her help and not letting her go "MEMEMEMEME" about her wedding.

I'm also feeling bad because they're having this huge, expensive, elaborate wedding and my fiance and I are having a much smaller one. I feel like I'm not doing the wedding thing the right way for some stupid reason.

Am I being a bitch for being a little annoyed with her right now? =/ How do I deal with this? I'm going to just ignore it for now, I think, because I know she's excited, but it is secretly making me crazy.

EDIT: I've been having a rough time since she got engaged because my fiance and I are doing a very simple, 50's-inspired courthouse wedding and a small reception, and she's having this enormous wedding "for her fiance's family" and plans on spending roughly $10k on it. =/ I just don't see the point in blowing that much money on one day when a wedding is about the relationship between the couple, not JUST about the bride being the center of attention.

A big wedding stresses me out. I'm just trying to get everything sorted out because my life's sort of in shambles at the moment besides the planning.


Side note: I posted on my FB this morning that I finally bought my dress (I was having a really really hard time finding one I liked, especially since I wanted a vintage one that wasn't white), and her only response was: "Oh. Cool." It just seems like she's completely incapable of being happy for me...when the other three girls were all psyched (and my MOH actually was the one who found my dress for me). =/

Is it a really bad idea to let my bridesmaids and matron of honor pick their own dresses? I told them to kind of keep it in the 40s-50s era (vintage or repro really doesn't matter to me) since that's the theme we're going for, but I don't want to look like a plain Jane next to them, since my dress is so simple...

I just want them to find something that's as unique as they are, that they'll buy because they LIKE it and not because I picked it, and hopefully be able to wear again.

Congrats! I think it's okay for the bridesmaids and matron of honor to pick their own dresses as long as the sort of match(If you only want them too). And your not being Selfish at all.

. Listen to her excitement. She was there for yours. It's not going to take to long. Breathe. It's not selfish but it is her turn and you really just going to have to grin and bear it because thats what she needs from you.

I don't know, I wasn't like this at ALL when I first got engaged (I was maid of honor in my bff's wedding and was helping her plan, and I barely talked about my engagement/wedding at all). =/ I'm trying to deal with it, but really, it's a little much with her attitude right now.

Firstly in relation to this thread, I was somewhat surprised at the responses you had received thus far. I mean no offense to the members who posted them, but I was somewhat expecting more after I read the thread. From the way you have described the situation, there is no way at all your actions are selfish. Indeed that you only feel a "little annoyed" demonstrates that your patience is at a level which far exceeds my own.

As for her, do you believe it would be a fair analysis that she has insecurity issues? I could be completely wrong here, but it does sound like she is trying a little too hard to validate and provide legitimacy to her relationship. This can be observed from both how she initially went about getting engaged, to how she is going to break the bank. It could just be me, but it does seem that she is trying to outdo your planned wedding. Whether this is the case or not, it certainly seems to be that way. As such this perception of competitiveness absolutely makes your feelings reasonable and understandable (granted it is highly likely I would feel quite similar).

While I realize this is not helpful, try to not compare your weddings too much. As not only do you present very valid reasons for having such a wedding (not that you needed to), but it sounds like it will be a really nice and romantic one! To the ends of trying to avoid comparing them too much, could you possibly try focusing more on the reactions you are getting from your other Brides maids? Possibly even talk to them about how this situation is making you feel? Oh and allowing the brides maids to choose their own dresses strikes me as quite a sweet act. Again, like much of your post I can certainly understand your worries here. I would *seriously* hope that none of them outshine your dress, as that would be incredibly insensitive. If this really is an issue, there is the option of talking to them about it?

I am trying so, so hard not to be a Bridezilla, so your response is quite comforting! My one bridesmaid just texted me, "Can you make it 10.10.10 instead? I am excited!" They're all sweethearts, hence why I picked them, but the girl I mentioned (in the OP) has never really been competitive with me, at least, as far as I can tell.

I told them to send me pics before they buy the dress because 1) emerald green can be a touchy color not to clash with and 2) so I get a feel for what they're planning--I want them to be different, but still flow nicely together.

I'm really happy for her, and I want her to enjoy her big day. I just wish she'd tone it down a little bit.

You're being very reasonable and I have to give you props for that. A lot of other people would blow up over this type of thing. It seems to me at this point that you both simply want the attention and praise of the other person however neither of you may be getting it. I would suggest that the next time you are discussing something about your wedding with her and when she turns it into something about her, just gently remind her that you need to finish what you're doing before talking about what she wants. Otherwise you might lose your complete train of thought and it would take even longer to make decisions.

Also, every wedding is different. If you want a little wedding to celebrate your fiancé and you then go for it! This is about your dreams coming true together and it's the very same thing with your friend. Her dream wedding is big and insanely expensive, yours is small and elegant. Each has their merit and each shall be wonderful in their own respects.

I hope that helps and I apologize if any of it is confusing. Sometimes I'm not sure how well my words come across to other people. XD

She sounds really immature. Pestering her boyfriend to get engaged with her? It sounds like she wants to get married just to get married and have a wedding. Is five years some kind of weird cut off for her? If the guy isn't ready, she should have left him alone about it. I've been in a relationship for almost nine years, we're not engaged, and I'm not complaining and would never get bitchy about something like that. Sounds like maybe she was jealous of you, so she bothered him until he said yes, and now she wants to outdo you somehow. To me it spells trouble for their relationship and possibly your friendship as well. So no, I don't think you're being selfish, if anything, she is. She could be supportive of you and excited for you at least. You're getting married first. When your wedding is over, and hers is closer, then everyone would have time to focus on hers. Also, do what you want to do. If you don't want a big wedding, don't let her make you feel bad about it. If you're sure that something small is what you want, go for it. If you decide you want something bigger, there's nothing wrong with that either.

Vickicat your wording is genius and I completely agree.