
03-20-2010, 03:48 AM
I am currently writing (or trying to) a novel. I keep getting stuck and would appriciate feedback. I know it's rough.....very very rough. It still needs to be revised and edited but I tend to do that at the very end of the peice. Parts of it are like word vomit I know. I would like to know if it is worth continueing or should I just stop because it's been done? If anyone could help me i'd be very greatful.
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Fabled
Walking down the long, dark alleyway I only see what I want to see: the street path and the long, dark shadows hidden beneath the bend. I don't know where I'm going but I do know one thing I can't go back to the place of my birth. Ah, Teranoble how I will miss your overcrowded streets, the smell of cow manure on my shoes and hair and especially the way every single person in your city walls despised my family, which ultimately killed my mother the Teranoble people tended to turn their backs on single parents so when Jax came around no one seemed to noticed the slight bruising on her face or the slight misstep in her walk. Jax eventually went too far and stabbed my mother with his double edged knife. The double edged knife wound was not all together impressive unless coupled with the poison that attacks the central nervous system and slowly deteriorates any sign of the previous person that inhabited the carcass. After it was certain she was dead and no one would place blame I took justice in my own hands by killing Jax with his so beloved knife I don't know where I gather the strength from but it came in the final moment when I felt the cool of the blade slip over his neck and through his vocal cords and buried it straight into his spine.
Dad I need your help, the help only you can bring. Where are you? Why where you never there, and when you were why was it that you only brought pain? Did I do something? Am I that disgracing to you that you left? My father was in my life a total of three months when I was first born then he split mysteriously never to be seen again. My mother swore that he was taken away and she would keep looking for her until the day she died; she'd given up a little less then a year after she swore this. My father, from what I hear, was tall and muscular dark hair and light green eyes he was always ready to help others out in anyway. That fact above the ridiculous way in which he appeared to leave gave me hope that he did not leave on his own accord but was forced to leave me and my mother to the hellhole called Teranoble. But why would anyone care enough to take a peaceful man from his family? No, I must not dwell on him for too long that’s a sure fire way to go crazy, dwelling on what you cannot know is no way to go through life.
Wandering further into the darkness leads out to a small street lamp peering into the lamp it began to flicker. Why do these things always happen to me? As I asked myself this the lamp buzzed out. The dark soon overwhelmed my senses, I'm no cat I can't see in the dark, and a shiver worked its way up my spine. This is bad I tell myself even before the ear piercing scream curdled my blood I fell with hands over my ears trying to block the scream from my senses. 'Please stop!' I yell at whatever was making the cursed sound 'I can't take it anymore!' I suddenly felt a presence around me but could not make myself concentrate on the more immediate danger because the scream was still persistent. Where was that scream coming from anyway? Behind me. I spun around to see a most gruesome sight a girl so cute but ultimately deadly as I realized suddenly she must be a Grawlark. Her prey already had their flesh ripped from their very bone. I’ve got to get out of here I fumbled in my half comatose state trying to get away from the scream. This scream was one not mortal should hear for it meant one of two things, being marked as the Grawlarks next victim or being the next Grawlark yourself.
Grawlarks use the bodies of considerably beautiful people to seduce men, women and on the rare occasion children. Now Grawlarks cannot take over just any beautiful person's body it is just those who would have their death dishonored by mothers, father or other relatives trying to resurrect the dead for selfish reasons. In that single selfish act the Grawlark first appears. If the family is indeed persistent the Grawlark will take over the body of the loved one and without fail kill and devour every selfish person from that family by their loved ones own hand. From the time I was a small child I thought my mothers fables to be fiction but as I grew I began to realize that not all fables are fiction.
As suddenly as the scream came upon me it subsided and the roaring in my head became a dull roar I was able to look up at the creature. I was reminded of a tidbit my mother shared with me as I stared into the eyes of this Grawlark. 'Always look into the eyes of a Grawlark, know their eyes' she said 'Blacker then the night: they hunger. Blue as the sea: they thirst. Green as the hills: they are neutral. Beware,' she cautioned 'if their eyes are red they are out for blood not just to keep themselves satisfied but to appease their lust for human flesh.' Kind of a morose thing to tell a kid but helpful none the less. I took time to adjust to the shock of this Grawlarks eyes they were not anything I would expect. Not black or blue, green nor red, the eyes of this particular Grawlark were pure white.
'Do you wish to die?' She asked in a sweet deceptively cute voice that could be considered non-human if you did not see where and whom it was coming from. I shook my head a definite 'no' answer there my face was frightened into a grimace I stood rooted to the spot. This was bad really bad I needed to move to survive but I was entranced by those damned eyes contrasted evenly by the black poker straight hair that ran down her back. 'No? Why ever not? I can take your pain away from you from the pain of losing your mother to your grievances with your father' My eyes widened in shock and an audible intake a breath escaped my lips hearing this she grinned. 'Oh yes dear one I know about you about your mother, father and Jax. I read you as you read a book.' 'How?' She tsk-ed 'So very young' she said running her finger across my cheek in an almost loving manner then slapped it across my face. 'I thought you a threat HA! How wrong I was.' She paused seemingly in thought and chuckled humorlessly 'You are his child after all,' What the heck was she talking about? His child so she really did know my father? She rolled her eyes before continuing. 'You don't know? He must have wanted to protect you, beautiful soul may he rest in pieces' she laughs again 'Oh wait he already is! You are the mixed blood. Y-' She was abruptly cut off and crumpled to the ground her head exploded as only a shot to the back of the head can do. Looking up furiously I hear a slight rumpling in the breeze and could have sworn I saw a cape off the rooftop, then again with the night I've had I could be hallucinating from shock.
Whatever it was I decided not to find out where it had gone and high tailed it out of the city and did not stop running until I was deep into the countryside I fell to a stop when I was on some back road with one decrepit looking house in the background and a large oak tree a little closer. Getting lost was not exactly the best plan but I figured it was alright for the time being at least I was away from that city. Deciding it was a little too dangerous right now to go to the house without any energy or weapons to even attempt a fight I sighed and started to climb into the relative safety of the oak tree. 'How did I manage to get myself into such a mess?" The answer was simple but I could not see it for as many things were it was right in front of me but being human I refused to see the simple life altering choices.
Soon my rapid heartbeat slowed to what was considered a normal pace the wind cooled the sweat on my face. I took in a deep breath as my eyes slipped closed the smells were wonderful full of burning wood of a fireplace, lilac flowers from the brush and tinged with the smell of oncoming rain all jumbled into one mind blowing smell you could only get in the country. Not long after my climb into the tree I was asleep not a deep enough sleep to where I could not be awakened but enough so my body could recover the lost energy.
(Dream) Rough water churned around the boat all through the night making the occupants unable to sleep though not only because of the churning but because of the black haired girl that was locked up. The white eyed girl stared straight ahead seemingly calm unless one examined the grip she has on her seat the knuckles on her hands were almost as white as her eyes her back was hunched and a low growl was emanating from deep in her throat. The two in the boat were talking hurriedly in hushed voices, 'what will we do with her?' 'I don't know but a Grawlark with that ability are all but a myth right?' (End dream)
'Hey there. Hey!' a voice broke into my dream. I looked down from my branch to see a dirty man standing in front of me poking me with a stick. 'What you are doing in that there tree? That there be mine and what mine is mine now what yours is mine!' he smiled crookedly up at me showing all of his missing and yellowed teeth. I tried to keep the laughter out of my eyes as I thought of how he just single handedly butchered the English language if that was in fact what he was speaking. My nose crinkled on its own accord his breath smelled like beer and he was totally in my personal hexagon. 'So your one of those silent types eh?' I shook my head no.
'No, I'm not one of those quite types. I don't typically allow myself to talk to someone whose minds are no larger then a snow pea' I hopped down from my branch having decided that talking to this brute was below my standards and would only serve to piss me off. The man stood for a while most likely still processing what I just said until.
'Hey hold up! Give me everything you gots and I mean nows!' I roll my eyes, for the first time in a long while I was enjoying a morning of sleep past seven and he comes and wakes me up trying to take my stuff? I look too the sky asking 'REALLY?' No way was I going to let this work. I took one good long look at him and quickly discovered I had to look up at him and if I wanted to talk face to face I would need a stool he was just too big for me to fight on my own as I was now however he was a bit slow and I had my wits about me so I decided that I would use brains not brawn. 'It would simply not do for me to give you all my stuff and receive nothing in return' I waited 'till he seemed to understand then went on, 'I propose a deal we flip a coin and if you win then you get all the gold in my pocket but if I win then I get that handsome looking sword on your hip' A smarter man could have asked to see how much gold was in fact in my pocket which was none but he, being slower then most everyone, quickly agreed. Five things happened just then: we flipped the coin, he called tails in the air, the coin landed on heads, I won and walked away with a new sword compliment of a very confused man left in the dust of my boots.
I hummed merrily as I walked down the narrowing dirt road nearly skipping in delight things were going my way for once it was nice that nothing weird happened to me today like the girl last night. I looked around me trying to find something to occupy my mind I saw I was passing the house I saw last night which not revealed it to be empty, termites had eaten away and sign of the front stairs and most of the windows broken in or boarded up. The yard was fenced in by a crumbling rock wall and overgrown with withering grass and weeds. I had paused for only a moment when I saw, or thought I saw, a shadowed face pass by the window but as soon as I studied the window further it seemed that it was just my imagination. 'Keep walking' I murmured to myself thinking no further on the window or the face or no face in it. Soon after I felt a drip on my head looking up I saw ominous black clouds moving in above my head. 'Awe come on! First I almost get mugged now this?' I shouted to the sky. Soon that one drop turned into two which turned into ten which turned into a hundred I looked around for somewhere to shield myself from the rain finding little tree cover as the rain came down harder I decided to run back to the abandoned house. Running past the crumbling wall I grabbed onto the ledge and pulled myself into the front door. Soaked to the bone and in a house that I was not entirely sure was abandoned I began to search for anything I could use. Making my way slowly into what looked to be the living room even my light body make creaks as I walked across the slimy wood. I hear a sharp creak then a sound as if someone is slowly lifting their foot off the board. I shudder now almost positive that I was not alone in the house. I began to move slower then before no conscious that there was something in here with me and also aware of the moss covering absolutely everything in the house. A quick motion sent me spinning around and in that motion I slipped and started to fall when a rough hand caught me and yanked me straight again. I am so dead! Sighing I turned slowly to face my captor ready to concede defeat to my would be assailant. However my concession was not needed as I turned and looked into the eyes of my attacker I found them completely green. The Grawlark screamed in pain and let go of me with such a force it sent me to the floor.
‘Y-you’re a Grawlark?’ I managed to get out. He cocked his head to the side as if studying me before he answered me in a voice full of something akin to fear. ‘It’s you. The half maker.’ He bowed low in a sign of respect.
‘What are you talking about? Half maker?’ I asked getting up and steadying myself before advancing on him. For every step I took toward him He took backward slowly careful to not slip on the moist floor but wanting to get away. Seeing my obvious confusion at his statement he obviously backpedaled. ‘Nothing. never mind human’ Shakily smiling he added ‘you still have yet to learn what your true destiny is.’ After he said this he disappeared.
Stunned I found myself alone once again with more questions then answers Giving a low growl I muttered something to myself and sighed. Continuing my search of the house I came upon what looked to be the Grawlarks encampment and spot some clothes. They were black, the pants fit readily enough but the shirt hung off my shoulders a bit. Satisfied with my selections I left the house hurriedly as to not meet up with that green eyed Grawlark.
I needed answers, needed my father, no matter what that white eyed devil said he is alive, he has to be I would know if he was dead right? Although statistically impossible to find someone with no information on where they could be I was determined and determination is the first step to completing anything. I decided to head to the port town of Glendolton which I had seen signs for on the main road. I knew the plains well enough to that if I were to cut through them I would eventually meet the main road cutting travel time almost in half. The trek however was semi difficult and most people would just take the extra time rather then risk the danger. I figured I was already passed over by two Grawlarks and outsmarted a drunk gaining a sword for myself why not put myself in danger?
Setting off on my way almost immediately I felt a presence behind me but seeing as it’s not a menacing presence I decide to let it be for the moment. After about three hours I’ve had enough of being watched so I slowed my pace and made a quick visual sweep of the area found myself deep in the brush a person in the right clothes could hide forever sighing I called ‘Whoever you are stop being a coward and show yourself.’ Before I had time to do little more then draw my sword I was on the ground attacked by a dusty looking person. Grunting I pushed the weight off of me using my feet rolled over and sprang to my feet before I was attacked again this time by a short sword. ‘BLOCK!’ A mans voice practically screamed in my head I slowly brought my long sword up just in time to block the heavy strike that almost knocked me to the ground again. As we struggled for dominance we locked eyes as was a custom in our world of Grawlarks he saw my hazel eyes and I saw his bight blue eyes, not of a Grawlark mind you but completely human. He dropped his sword as I lifted my own in an attacking stance in case he decided to come at me again. ‘Kill the human who dare attack you!’ the voice shouted ringing in my ears. Who the voice was I had no idea but I don’t want to be the killer here so if I was no longer attacked I would not be attacking. I found it strange that this voice only appears in moments a fight for me, when I killed my stupid stepfather this voice had angrily led my actions.
We stared at each other for some time neither saying a word seeming to evaluate the others character. ‘Your no Grawlark’ he said questioningly in a deep gravely voice. ‘And your no bandit’ I replied in the same tone he had used. ‘No I’m not.’ he agreed with a shake of his hair dark brown locks blocking his face before he pushed them back. ‘Then what are you? Who are you?’ I asked dumbfounded he could not be a mercenary they were much bigger and stealthier then he and he could not be a soldier for they had better equipment then a short sword and some desert fatigues. ‘I’m a rogue of his heralded ones court. Better known as J.R.’ He smiled at me in an off-putting way. ‘And you oh fair one?’ He asked in that mocking tone, I somehow figured would come from him, complete with a rolling of his eyes. ‘I am human if you must ask then your not even as smart as you seem to be.’ I said rather indignantly fuming at his last comment. I was a bit concerned as to how long he was following me for if he is from Teranoble then he was not letting on that he knew anything.
‘What are you doing following me anyway?’
‘Who says I was following you?’ He retorted with a smirk ‘Could it now be we are both going to Glendolton and decided to take a short cut? If you ask me assuming that I am following make you a little paranoid no?’
‘You were following me I know it! Now I want to know why and for how long or so help me I will run you through.’
He sighed. ‘I’ve been following you for his heralded one. I caught up with you as you were approached by the white eyed Grawlark. My mission now is to keep you safe of coarse I had to ascertain whether you were human or otherwise before I could allow you to approach a port. All those people would not have been good for a Grawlark to go into.’ I nodded solemnly remembering just how vile Grawlarks can be when in a city we both quieted for a moment before he clapped his hands. ‘Now you ma’am have two choices: you can let me escort you to Glendolton or you can allow me to follow you like the little stalker I am.’ He smiled his brilliant smile at me again in return I huffed and walked off. I was not sure whether he followed me until I heard him humming a little ways back I sighed this was going to be a long trip.
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(this is in J.R's POV)
I used to be employed by the kings army until I was ordered to kill a family of five. The family was made of ,basically, children not one in the family was over eighteen. They were to be killed just for living. In the kingdom famine had struck very heavily and people were being killed because there was not enough food, or so the people thought. The truth was that the king and his people were living very well indeed food was never out in his castle the stores that were supposed to be for the people were being used greedily by the fat man who called himself king. It sickened me enough to see the people kill themselves and could do nothing about it but when ordered to kill them myself it was the final straw. I threw my blade at the king and walked out of his audience, and his good graces.
Once I was on my own nothing could help me I knew nothing but serving the king who had come to be hated by his people and therefore, by association, anyone who had been connected to him. I had nowhere to go no one to turn to and worst of all no food. I spent most of my time wandering the streets looking for some way out of my predicament everyone knew who I was or at least had heard of me. I mean really I was the kings right hand man since I was twelve I was damn good at my job too just by my quitting it was bound to make waves and I’m just feeling the ripples of them.
By the end of my second week I was on my last legs of life, or so it seemed, I soon passed out while trying desperately to find some sort of sustenance. ‘Damn kid, did you see how long he lasted?’ ‘Stubborn to the end too.’ I think I hear two people talking over me but it’s impossible to discern what my mind has imagined in it’s sluggish state and reality. I awoke sometime later in a place I could not discern where it was. It was dank like a cave but warm like a house perhaps a fire?
Last edited by Ritay; 03-20-2010 at 03:50 AM..
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