My dreams shattered when he walked out that door. It was so long ago but feels like it was just yesterday. Three years have passed and my children know nothing of him, but my heart still skips a beat when I think about him. They have a new father now and he knows they are not his, but he loves them just the same. My new husband’s name is Beck and is my new world. After my ex left me, Beck was at a support group for single parents. I was still pregnant at the time and was looking for some advice about how they handle it. He had two daughters of his own. One meeting, everyone brought their children and they both took to me right away. Soon after, Beck asked me out on a date. I was very pregnant at the time and was not up to it but we decided on a quiet night at my apartment with a home cooked supper, made by him, and a movie. We were together ever since. When my twins we born, his daughters loved them instantly. With them being four and six, they wanted to help with the babies as much as they could. We moved in together when the twins were three months old. We bought a house and got married with all four of our children in the wedding. We adopted each other’s children. It was like a fairy tale. We were a perfect happy family. I worked hard as a writer and a stay at home mom while my husband worked as an accountant in a big firm on the other side of town.

For once, I was not thinking about my ex and how he ditched me. He didn’t even know about his kids. I wasn’t about to look him up and tell him that he had twins. A boy and a girl, just like he wanted. Nadia, after my grandmother who passed away when I was twenty, and Demetrius after Becks father who passed when he was nine. My ex always wanted twins ever since we started dating when I was eighteen and he was twenty one. We dated for six years. We got engaged when I was twenty-two and were planning on getting married a year later. We couldn’t have been happier. But then he stared going out to the bars with his work buddies and started coming home drunk, a lot. One night he got really mad at me for no reason at all. He hit me. After that he stormed out and I never saw him again. Three weeks after he walked out on me, I found out I was pregnant. I moved in with my best friend in case he came back and tried to hurt me again.

My life was looking up. I had the perfect family, the perfect house, and the perfect job. But as soon as I got a good start on a book I was working on writing, my agent called me saying that my ex showed up at her office looking for me. She said he was dressed all nice and had flowers and everything. She made a date for us to visit in a very public place. I was reluctant to go but I decided three years was long enough to hide from him. Beck said he would hang around at the coffee shop in the background in case I needed help. Just knowing that Beck was going to be there made things a little easier. I wanted to tell him about his children. They were two and a half and he had a right to know. So I loaded up a scrap book I had been making of the twins and their sisters into a bag and kissed my kids good-bye. Beck planned on meeting me at the coffee shop an hour earlier so we could talk about what might happen. He planned on staying within ear shot so I could use a code word if I was in trouble. We decided on “contemplating a change in my life.”

I was really nervous about seeing him after so many years. For the longest time I never even thought about him. To me he wasn’t the father of my twins, Beck was. I thought I loved him but I was young and didn’t know any better. He made me feel like I was somebody, always buying me things and taking me out on really nice dates. But with him only being a mechanic, he really didn’t have the money to take care of me and kids farther on down the road. My books were only bringing in so much money. I wasn’t a top seller or anything but it helped a small bit.

The more I sat at the coffee shop waiting for him, the more nervous I got. I could see Beck across the room pretending to be on his laptop. I slowly sipped my coffee thinking about what he wanted to say to me. Did he know I was married? Did he know about the twins? Did he want to get back together with me? All I could do was wait. As my mind wandered farther on, I heard someone speak my old nickname.

“Pumps?” My ex sat down across from me. He looked like he had clean up himself, he even wore a tie.

“Hello Maxwell. How have you been?” I asked in my most calm sweet voice. I wasn’t going to let him know I was scared as hell to see him today, even if my husband was just a few feet away.

“I’m doing much better than I was. I have stopped drinking and I’m trying to clean up my life. How have you been?” He looked fairly scared himself, even though he was the one that walked out on me.

“That’s great to hear. I’ve been doing great. But there is something I need to share with you.” I wasn’t really sure how to bring this up to him so I thought I would jump right in and tell him right away. He had a puzzled look on his face as I pulled the scrap book out of my bag. “A few weeks after you walked out, I found out I was pregnant.”

“You mean, we have kids together?” I couldn’t tell if he was scared or worried or even excited, he was just blank. I handed him the book of the pictures over the last few years. It contained from ultrasounds to birth to birthday parties to family trips. I took pictures every moment I could just so someday I could show him that I could be happy without him.

As he slowly looked through the pictures, I thought I could almost see tears come to his eyes. I knew how much he wanted twins, and the fact that I kept that from him must have killed him inside. I thought him leaving hurt me, but him finding out that he had the one thing he wanted most out of the world and being able to be a part of it must have killed him.
“Why, why didn’t you tell me?” I could hear the hurt in his voice. “I would have been there; you know I would have done everything I could to help.”

“Max, I know you would have been there, but after that day you walked out, I didn’t want you to be a part of these kids’ lives. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could make it on my own. Sure it was hard getting used to the fact that you weren’t there, but I made new friends, made a new family, and made a new life without you.” His head dropped even lower not wanting to make eye contact. I knew I just broke his wall down even farther. I wasn’t planning on being as mean as I was, and I didn’t think I was all that mean, but the look on his face, I could tell it hurt.

“But why didn’t you find me and at least tell me? I would have straightened up sooner. You know how much I wanted to have twins with you. You know how much I wanted to be with you.” He paused. I didn’t know what to say to him so I just say there waiting for him to speak again. He just flipped through the pictures and every once in a while would run his finger over a picture. After about five minutes he spoke again, “What are their names?”

“Nadia after my grandma and Demetrius after Becks father. The other two girls are Becks from his first marriage. Ashlyn is seven and Jemmi is nine. They are the light of my life now a days and are the main characters in a lot of my new children’s stories. A few of them have been published.”

“I own every single one of your published books. The day each one of them has come out, I bought them. I’m not trying to be a stalker; it just makes me feel a little more connected with you. I mean it’s been three years since I’ve seen you. And this wasn’t the first time I’ve tried contacting you. I’ve sent emails, letters, I’ve facebooked you, and even tried calling you but you changed you email and address and number so, I never got through. I always got your letters back in the mail and emails were denied. I started to give up hope, then I found the address of your publisher and went in and she said she would give you the message. I guess she came through.”

“I haven’t checked my facebook in years and I got a new number because I switched companies when I got married. Beck has treated me so well, he hates it when I pay for things, he wouldn’t even let me buy my own laptop.” I knew talking about my new husband was going to hurt him more, but he needed to understand that we weren’t going to get back together. I sort of wanted him to meet his kids, but I didn’t know what it would do to their emotional state. They were only two and a half and I know they wouldn’t know what was going on, but it would help Max cope a little bit.

“I want to see them,” he stated almost like he was reading my mind.

“Max, I want you to meet them, but I don’t want to tell them that you are their father. So far they only know Beck as a father. I was thinking of saying you’re a family friend and have them call you uncle, but other than that, I want to wait awhile, wait until they are older to tell them. I don’t want child support; I just want you to be there. Maybe you could babysit them and take them to the park or something every once and a while.” I was just making up all this as I went along. I would have to talk to Beck about this and come up with guide lines for him. I knew Max would want to spend some alone time with his kids but I didn’t know how Beck would like this situation.

“I understand. And I’m sure you need to talk to, what was his name again? Beck? About the situation. I’m sure he isn’t too happy about you meeting me here today. I know I really wouldn’t be too happy if my wife went to meet her ex after three years.”

“Actually, he is here. I was sort of scared about meeting you here today, so I asked him if he would come and keep an eye on me. Would you like to meet him?” I asked sweetly.

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would really like to meet him.” I signaled to Beck to come over. He had a confused look on his face as he walked over to our table.

“Is everything okay here?”

“Yes Hun, we are just fine. Max just wanted to meet the man who has been taking care of his kids for the last few years. I told him you were here and here we are.” Max stood up and shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you Beck. I want to thank you for taking care of Josette and my kids; well I guess they are your kids now.”

“Max, I want you in these kids’ lives, they are our kids. And I’m sure later on down the road, when the twins are older, they will want to know you too.” Beck talked him like he was an old friend. They talked awhile about the kids and the weather, even talked some sports. I was shocked that they got along so well. I had a feeling that things would be just as good as they were before I got his message.

After a few hours, we went our separate ways after exchanging numbers and details. I was relieved that things went well but was also worried how the twins would react now and when we told them later on in life. I knew with them starting school in a few years that I would have to figure things out quick. I also knew that Beck would stand by my every choice. I was so happy that I had him to help me through everything. We defiantly were a team. Everything that needed an answer, we discussed it. From the kids clothes we buy, to what school they are going to go to, to the bills. We were a united front all the way through.

As the days ticked down until the first time Max was going to get to the kids, I started to panic more and more until Beck made me sit down in front of my lap top with a cup of coffee and a candle. This was the only way I could get what I was feeling out from inside me. I didn’t know where to start so I just started at the beginning from the day Max and I started dating. As the words flew through my fingers; I could just feel the stress leaving my body. Bret took the kids off my hands by taking them for walks and to the park. Every once in a while he would bring me more coffee or just gave me a kiss to let me know that he was there for me. I just pushed all my feelings and thoughts into my computer. I knew that not talking about how I was feeling was bad but at least I was getting it out of my head.

When the day finally arrived for Max to take the twins out, I had finally calmed down. I could tell that he had really straightened up his life and really wanted to be there for the kids. He even brought them teddy bears with their names on them. Beck reassured me that the kids would be fine and I relaxed. I decided to take the girls shopping to get my mind off everything. We got our nails and hair done and just had a pamper day. I remember when my mom used to take me and my sisters out on these days. We would go blow all of my dad’s money on clothes, shoes, and pamper treatments. He just loved to see us happy, so when I told Beck what I wanted to do, he handed over his credit card without another word. The shopping only took my mind off my kids for short chunks of time, but I still worried that Max wouldn’t bring them back.

“Mommy Josette,” as Ahlyn has come to call me, “I miss brother and sister, why didn’t they come with us?”

“Because sweetheart, they went to spend time with their uncle Max. I’m sure they will be home by the time we get back.” I tried to act as calm as I could. I couldn’t let them see that I was worried because I didn’t want to scare them. They didn’t know that Max was their real father, and I wasn’t going to tell them before I told my own children.

“But why didn’t Uncle Max take them some other time? I bet Nadia would love shopping with us.” She looked so sad and I could hear the hurt in her voice. I knew how much she loved her little sister and loved playing with her.

“I have an idea girls, why don’t we find some really cool toys for the twins to play with when they get home? We can even get some dress up outfits and new clothes for them. Do you think they would like that?” I tried to make light of the situation.

“YEAH!” They both cheered together. We started walking through the mall again looking for just the right stores to shop in for the twins. We ended up shopping for a few more hours and spending a few hundred more dollars before Beck called me telling me that Max had returned. I was so relieved to know that my children were home safe.

“Mommy!” my twins yelled as I walked in the house. Max and Beck were sitting in the living room talking over coffee. Max had a glow in his face and I could tell that he was happy. I knew right there and then that I did the right thing by meeting him in the coffee shop that day. I even noticed that Beck wasn’t putting on his forced smile any more. Maybe having Max back in my life wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. We made plans for all of us to go to the local amusement park as a “family.”

Everything seemed to be going great. The twins really took to “Uncle Max,” and Becks girls loved him too. I thought my life was going to move along smoothly. I even published a new book about four siblings being orphaned and forced to survive together in the wilderness. It sold well. I was very proud of how everything was going. My kids even started school that fall.

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