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Half-Moon
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10-03-2010, 09:54 PM
As a young boy, Zack had always wondered what it would be like to be something that was not human, to be immortal. He wondered if his view on the world would be different, if he would enjoy it or whether he’d wish that he could die just like his family would. As a teenager, these were deep thoughts to be thinking about, but Zack never shared these type of thoughts with his family, fearing that they wouldn’t understand or that they’d get the wrong idea. It wasn’t that Zack wanted to become a vampire, in fact he was scared to be one, but this didn’t prevent his imagination from questioning the possible ‘what if’.
There was one way to access some easy answers to his questions, but Zack had always been afraid of the vampire who lived in the basement and avoided him. Once, as a child, Zack had dared to wander down and open the coffin only to be frightened to death as he woke up the sleeping form inside. That was the only time he had ran to seek comfort from his parents. He wasn’t much of a family boy; he preferred to either be alone or to be with friends. Some nights he’d sneak out with a pal or two, avoid the cops and tiptoe up the stairs to his bedroom, and on other nights he’d sit in his bedroom studying or listening to his music, or evenly rarely reading a book upon vampires to quench his thirst for information to fuel his growing imagination.
The world of the blood-sucking immortals enchanted, yet frightened, him.
Then came the day when Zack spoke to the vampire. Although they shared the same house the boy made every excuse to find a way out of the same room, finding it unnerving how, even his family were safe from being bitten; they were laughing and joking with a creature capable of ending their lives. The vampire also seemed to stay in his basement most of the time so that the sunlight did not catch him unaware and burn his skin – the basement was dark save for the few candles that burned.
“Zack, I need you to go down into the basement,” The familiar female voice of authority called from the kitchen as she walked into the living room, her green eyes observing her son to see if he had heard. He looked up to her, pulled a blank look and pulled back a strand of his brown hair to reveal that he couldn’t hear her due to her headphones. He had hoped she’d get the hint and ask his sister instead, however this produced the opposite. His mother walked over, and pulled the ear pieces away. “Zack, please. I rarely ask anything of you.”
“That’s because you know I won’t do it. Why not ask Miriam?”
“You know she’s busy at her part-time work, slacker,” She frowned, playfully ruffling his hair to annoy him, “Just go down into the basement already for me.” Zack frowned, and glanced up at a nearby clock and pulled a face.
“It’s nearly 7pm though.”
“And?”
“He’ll be waking up. I don’t want to see him.” He stated, as if it were obvious.
“Just a book, Zack. That’s all I want,” his mother sighed, and sat on the opposite end of the sofa, her green eyes watching for his reaction. “Come on. I know you don’t like it-“
“Then you go?”
“But I’m busy getting ready to go to work too. Please Zack, you’re the only person. I just need that one mystery novel, about some hound and some English moor…” She pulled her puppy dog face; Zack had seen this many times when his mother wanted to get something from his dad, but he had never guessed she’d one day use it on him. And he now understood why she did it. The trick seemed to work.
“Just the book?” He asked, turning his music off reluctantly.
“Just the book. Then I shall bother you no more.”
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Okay, so, I just typed this. I've just played The Sims 2, and this is similar to a storyline on one of my families. They actually do have a vampire living in their basement, but the son's now an adult as I type this.
I just got bored and thought I'd write a story based on that family. I may continue, I'm not sure.
However, the main reason for this post is: FEEDBACK!
How's my writing so far? I know it's not a lot to go on, but I'd rather know that I get some feedback for this first part.
Thanks for reading.
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Faulkner
⊙ω⊙
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10-04-2010, 01:09 AM
This is interesting. I hope you write more because this is the first time in a while a vampire story has interested me.
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Half-Moon
⊙ω⊙
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10-04-2010, 03:07 PM
Each step echoed around the basement no matter how quiet Zack tried to be. The room was cold and lifeless, the brick walls on all sides were dark where candle light failed to meet them. The only source that warmth had any hope from coming from was the fireplace, which was currently dormant like its owner. Candle holders hung from chains connected to the ceiling, or clung with the aid of nails to the walls, burning brightly and tall candle sticks that didn’t even seem to be melting due to the heat of the flames. Except for the bookcase and an old chess table in the corner the room was empty of any forms of entertainment; it was no wonder Zack had seen the vampire wander upstairs some nights with a bored look upon his face. Zack raised an eyebrow at the familiar and old chairs and sofa in the middle of the room, recognising them as the ones that used to be upstairs until his mother had splashed out on a leather sofa. He had always wondered where they had gone to.
Tearing his eyes from the cushioned seats, he continued to tiptoe to the tall bookcase, keeping his eyes on the floor as he tried to avoid stepping on any cracks between the stones on the floor. It was a game he played for fun as a child, but now he was using it as a way to occupy his thoughts and to remain calm. He stopped at the wooden bookcase entered his line of vision, his head lifting up as he began to search the shelves for the words ‘Sherlock Holmes’ on the spines, starting from the bottom. He couldn’t help but notice the grandfather clock at the side, taking note of the time.
‘Two minutes,’ he thought to himself as he turned his attention back to the old looking books, quickening his search so that he could escape the dark basement sooner. Some spines had nothing of their spines except for fancy decoration, or they were so old that the words had been distorted to the point they could pass for alien text. He was forced to stand on tiptoe to read the spines of the books and the upper shelves, a smile of relief finally forming as he found the book his mother wanted, the text clearly readable on the spine.
‘Lucky for me,’ he thought as he reached out for the book, his fingers managing to brush against the red cover. His trainers shuffled along the floor as he pressed his body against the bookcase in an effort to make himself taller to get the book. Looking up, his fingers were only inches away from being able to grip the top of the book and pull it down when the bell on the grandfather clock chimed. His body froze to the spot, his body unsure of what path it would go with in the ‘fight or flight’ system. He was sure he heard a creak of hinges moving, but in his frightened state he wasn’t sure if it was his imagination preparing him for the worst, or not.
Since the clock’s definite chime, the room had fallen into silence once more. Zack became aware that he had stopped breathing in his fright, and forced air to travel through his body once more before he suffocated, his arm still frozen in the air reaching for his book. He looked at it, concentrating on it as he observed another form moving by it. Lit by the candle light, this hand was larger than his own and paler in tone; and Zack knew only one person that it could belong to.
“N-no, don’t!” He yelled unexpectedly against what danger he feared would occur. That hand might be reaching out, but it could always swoop down and cover his mouth to prevent him screaming or even those claw-like nails could pierce through the skin on his neck if the vampire so wished. Although he had found his voice, the teen still found himself frozen to his spot, watching helplessly as the hand began to move once more. The hand reached the book he wanted, pulling it free from the shelf and placing it in Zack’s own hand.
“I remember your mother wanted to read this book,” the hand pulled back, and the vampire placed both hands on Zack’s shoulders, leaning forward as he whispered into the teen’s ear, “Is she letting me join you for dinner? Or has she got plans to send it down here again? Maybe you are my dinner,” he chuckled playfully, stepping back.
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Okay, so, I know it's a quick update but I've had nothing going on lately. And I stopped here because I'm unsure of whether my vampire's going to be a bad guy or not. So I'm going to leave it here while I ponder upon it for a few days. If you wish to make a contribution, feel free to.
Also, I need a title. And I can't think of one, so feel free to leave title ideas here.
I hope you enjoy this so far. And remember, feedback please.
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Faulkner
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10-04-2010, 05:34 PM
That's great, I've been waiting for a vampire story that wasn't typical or badly written.
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