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Shin~The ladle monster!
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#1
Old 03-11-2011, 11:40 PM

Turning the Tides

“Shayla? What are you doing!?”

The purple-robed Necromancer didn’t turn to face her friend. She stood, arms raised, poised and ready to recite the incantation. Freshly dug graves littered the ground at her feet. Her stance was defiant, her body tensed. But her voice, when she spoke, came out soft and low.

“Don’t try to stop me Ezara. I have to do this.”

The night was dark, and for a long while all was silent. A light breeze stirred Shayla’s hair and ruffled the feathers on Ezara’s wings. But it seemed as if there were more than mere space and silence separating the two companions. Despite their nearness, they had never felt further apart than they did in that moment. Finally, Ezara broke the silence. His voice was grave, full of regret but also determination.

“I can’t let you do this. I won’t stand for it… we’ll find another way!”

“No, Ezara, there is no other way. You know it, and I know it.” Shayla lowered her arms slowly to her sides and turned her head just enough to look over her shoulder at the angel standing behind her. What she saw made her wince. Her gentle friend stood facing her, holy great sword in hand. But Shayla didn’t back down. “The city is under siege, and we don’t have the strength of numbers that they do. And our fighters are weak.”

Shayla turned then, and met Ezara’s steely gaze with equal determination. Her emerald eyes flashed with passion and her voice became more heated.

“You don’t need to eat, Ezara, but we’ve been under siege for weeks! And we can’t keep sending the few soldiers we have left out there to die. I’m not going to sit here and wait for a miracle anymore. If we want the tides to turn in our favour, we’re going to have to do it for ourselves.”

Ezara’s voice wavered, he hated seeing his trusted friend squared off against him. Hated being on opposite sides. Wished that she had made better choices… “What you are about to do is wrong. It’s evil, and unnatural, and you’re destroying your own soul!” He pleaded with his friend, begging her to come back into the light.

In that moment, Shayla gave Ezara a look of such sadness and conviction that it tore at his heart to see it.

“You’re absolutely right, Ezara.” Her voice was hardly more than a whisper, but his angel ears heard the words clearly. “It is wrong, and it is evil. And I most certainly am about to do it.” She paused to take a deep, steadying breath. “ I… I already know what’s going to happen to my soul,” the words weren’t entirely a lie… and she didn’t let Ezara see how much she actually feared for her afterlife. “and that’s why I’m here to make those choices that nobody else would be able to live with. I’m willing to take that burden because sometimes… good people have to do bad things. For the greater good.”

“But this?” Ezara’s voice cracked with emotion as he surveyed their surroundings. The scent of moist earth was all around them, and freshly upturned soil. They were in the makeshift graveyard where the casualties of war had been buried. “Disturbing these poor souls who died in defense of their city? Let them rest in peace…”

Shayla heaved a sigh. She had to make Ezara understand!

“These soldiers died defending their city, but knowing it was a lost cause. They would want to know that their last act, even in death, would be to put up a stand and save Sunnyside. You know we won’t win without them.”

Shayla raised her arms once more and tilted her head back, looking to the dark night sky. She took a deep breath, ready to shout her incantation for the world to hear. Ezara’s voice cut her off only one more time.

“You know I’ll have to destroy them, Shayla. I can’t let these abominations exist.”

She gave him one last look, and it was a sad smile.

“Of course you’ll kill them. Because it’s the right thing to do.”

She paused.

“But we both know you won’t do it until the battle is done. I know you, Ezara. And you’ll put the safety of the citizens first.”

Crackling negative energy filled the air and a heavy wind whipped up as she shouted her incantation to the heavens. And the ground beneath her feet came to life.

Ryn Gray
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#2
Old 03-13-2011, 08:47 AM

I really like the tone of this piece! The other thread of yours that I read was basically Shayla's death, and this one is almost like her birth. It was really interesting to read them in that order, sort of knowing what she is trying to become and what will end her. The blurred lines between good and evil choices is played really well, and it's a good concept.

I only have two minor things that I saw that might be something for you to give a second glance to. The first is the name of the city, Sunnyside? I'm sorry, but unfortunately (for me at least) the name Sunnyside conjures up an image of an insane asylum. There is a book series or show or video game or something, I can't recall what right now, but something in my memory has a stereotypical "mad house" with that name. Or an orphanage? Anyway, my poor memory isn't important. The point I wanted to make was that with such a climactic piece, the name seems almost comical. Especially since it's such a short section that I'm reading. If this is part of a longer work, where the reader has time to get to know the world and the names of places and such, "Sunnyside" would probably feel much more natural. In just a short piece, it might not.

The second thing is your last two sentences. The very last one seems more like a partial phrase, almost like an incomplete thought. I like the wording, but maybe consider combining those two sentences into one?

I'm just giving my thoughts on the piece, so don't feel like you have to take any of my suggestions or even give a second look to those sections if you don't want to! Overall, I really liked it. I have to go read that other thread you linked me to, the one with all your Shayla stories. (I think I saw it in the top few threads of this forum... I should go do some reading now!)

Shin~The ladle monster!
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#3
Old 03-14-2011, 07:37 AM

Lol, I know that the name isn't exactly serious. However... that's the name of the city that the DM dropped us in, so that's that. xD

I didn't want to change it just for the sake of the story. ^^;

And I'm grateful that you took the time to read it and point things out to me.
Be warned that most of the stories will probably feel a little incomplete. They are all part of a greater whole, and I know there are some things that only the other players in our game will get. But these are mostly just one-shots and drabbles about Shayla in an attempt to get more in touch with her character.

Ryn Gray
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#4
Old 03-14-2011, 08:29 PM

Yeah, like I said, if it's an already-established world than the name fits better. And I think it's great that you write little one-shots to get in tune with your character. I'm glad I'm not the only one! And wish me luck, I'm being "forced" (XD) to make a DnD character for a campaign a LARP friend of mine is running. I've never done a tabletop before, so this should be fun.

Shin~The ladle monster!
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#5
Old 03-14-2011, 08:56 PM

Ooooh, it's actually a lot of fun! You might find you like it, even if you are being forced to make a character. ;P

I'd be happy to help you out with making the character, depending on what edition of DnD you guys will be using. <3

 


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