View Poll Results: Should I continue??
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No 1 33.33%
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AshbornFox
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#1
Old 04-05-2011, 02:08 PM

Just little short stories telling you about all me characters, the chapter is named by the name of the characters point of view!!

Asher sighed, looking up at the dark sky above him. He loved watching the stars, the way they shined and twinkled as clouds passed through, the moons round service acting as there guide as they came and went. It was quiet, peaceful.

"Asher! What the--- Why are you out there?? Without a jacket, boy get back inside!" It was his neighbor, Abby. She was a caring women and he often went to her house when things got real bad at his own. He had locked himself out on the ruff of his house, which was covered in snow, without a jacket. Now that he thought about it, he started to shiver.
"Mrs. Abby, can I come over for awhile?" Asher called softly, letting his drown- up knees sink to crossing.
The women's face soften and she took off her winter jacket," Of course, child. Ill make you some coco."
The women was always sweet to him, but to his father, she was a towering dark-skinned force to be reckon with. She also seemed to know why he had bruises on his skin and cuts deep in his flesh, but never brought it up, saying he'd tell her when he was ready.
Most nights, its just a whack on the head and a demand for a beer, but some were bad, real bad. He would see his beer belly father thundering down the hall after him, then wake up with new bruises and pained muscles.
Its been like this all his life, because hes a monster, that's what his father always says, that he killed his mum when he was being born, which wakes him a devil, demon, monster.
He swallowed hard, the cup of co co warm in his hands. He needed to be stopped.
-i have to be stopped-...


next chapter- Seth Light!!! Should i continue NOW???
Ja~

Last edited by AshbornFox; 05-03-2011 at 01:06 PM.. Reason: I FOUND THE SPELL CHECK!!!!!!!!

AshbornFox
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#2
Old 04-06-2011, 12:59 PM

i

Last edited by AshbornFox; 05-03-2011 at 01:04 PM..

AshbornFox
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#3
Old 04-14-2011, 02:06 PM

Screw it
heres Chapter 2 Seth Light

Seth egnored his fathers raging voice and pulled his guetar case over his shoulder with a sigh....

Roka
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#4
Old 04-22-2011, 08:19 PM

You want a review? I'll give you one.

Honestly? It's not great. There's a lot of spelling AND grammatical errors, which is why I stopped reading it halfway through the first paragraph or whatever. You should try using a spell checker or something. There's not a lot of detail, either, so it's basically all dialog and then a little piece of description every now and then (which I can't even read because, with all the errors, it doesn't make sense).

There's not much I can review you on. I'd say you need some practice, or something? I don't know.

shaphat
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#5
Old 04-24-2011, 10:53 AM

is Asher a popular character name? I used it in a recent story as well XD maybe I should do further name research

to be honest I can't really be interested in your story when it has so many grammar mistakes.

AshbornFox
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#6
Old 04-26-2011, 01:45 PM

thanks but Roka helped me and i desided not to continue it bc of the grammer mistacs already.

Flink
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#7
Old 04-26-2011, 10:26 PM

Stopping isn't the answer, honestly. What you do is work on your grammar and fix the mistakes in what you've already written.

AshbornFox
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#8
Old 05-03-2011, 01:04 PM

OK, fixed the mistakes. ill try and do better. sorry

 


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