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Bookbreath
Josette Shakespeare
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11-02-2011, 03:03 AM
So I am not quite sure if I have posted this before, and if I have, I have quite a bit of changes to it. I could really use some help. This was something that I wrote when I was, I believe, 15. And Im really trying to revamp it and hopefully make something good out of it. I realize I have not caught all the mistakes from changing the story line a bit and not everything matches up. Any help I can get will be great.
I could hear the boys start to walk to football practice. I could see number 67, Jake Jacobson, start to slow down from the rest of the pack. As he leaned over to get a drink from the water fountain just a few feet from me, I decided to strike up a conversation with him. “Good game on Friday.”
“Thanks, Jamie. You do know that we lost right?” He stopped and looked at me all sweetly.
“I was there. But you played really well, and looked good doing it.” I said with as much seduction in my voice as I could. Thanks to his cousin Ben, who had told me the night of the football game, that he liked me.
“Duh,” he laughed, “I always look good on the field.” He leaned up against the empty locker next to mine as I continued to take my books out of my locker for the homework I was planning on paying Ben to do anyway.
“Try always looking good.” I stated in a matter of fact tone.
“Well since you think I’m so hot, you wouldn’t object to going to The Standard with me tonight, I hear they have some pretty awesome food,” Jake said pushing a piece of hair out of my face. I tried to hide my excitement but it wasn’t working all that well. I had a big smile on my face.
“I know they rock, I work there, remember? And yes, I suppose I could go with you, tonight is my night off.” I told him I worked there a few weeks before when we were partners for an English assignment.
“I so knew that. So I will pick you up at seven then?”
“Yep.” I tried not to sound so eager as he started to walk towards the locker rooms. As soon as he was out of sight I fell against my locker trying to breathe calmly. The boy I had been crushing on for my whole life had finally asked me out.
When Jake finally showed up at my house, thirty minutes late mind you, my brother had somehow managed to get to the door before I did.
“What do you want jerk?” My brother asked in the most jerk-like tone he could have.
“Is your sister here?” He came back in a very polite voice.
“I’m here,” I rushed to the door as fast as I could in my four inch heels. “Sorry about him.” I apologized closing the door hard behind me. In the hustle and bustle of things with my brother, I didn’t notice that Jake had really cleaned up and even had bought me a rose. I was glad I had gotten a little dressed up.
“It’s fine.” He said laughing. “Oh, I bought this for you. I mean it’s nowhere near as pretty as you look, damn.”
Once we got to the Standard, Jake opened my door and helped me out as if I was a fragile doll wearing heals on ice. We walked hand in hand up to the building. I couldn’t see any lights on but there were a lot of cars. I felt a little worried as we walked because I didn't like surprises and this felt like one. If he planned a party behind my back I’m going to be so mad and if he’s in on it so is Holly and Holly can’t keep secrets. If this is, oh my God, I’m going to be mad, I kept telling myself. I would have to scrub my shoes after tonight along with my new long jeans that I was wearing, thanks to Mother Nature.
“Are you cold?” he asked right before we got to the door. He must have seen the look on my face because I was freezing. I nodded slowly and he put his arm around me. “That better?” I nodded again. We walked in to a dark room and as soon as the door closed over 200 people jumped out of the darkness and the lights turned on.
“SURPRISE” everyone yelled at different times it almost made me laugh. Jake kissed my cheek and handed me a note that said “Read After Party.” Almost my whole school was there even Jason Dole and his gang of “merry men.” They only go to people’s parties if there’s boos and babes. Holly walked up pushing a huge cake that said “JamieEmeraldTomkins 16 FINALLY” In big pink and white letters on a black background.
“How the Hell did you keep this party from me Holly? You can keep secrets especially not this big of one.” I said giving her a friendly shove. “God you’re a whore. Just kidding babe.”
“It wasn’t easy trust me. I wrote you like seven letters telling you but I gave them to Jake and he burned them. But there’s someone here that I don’t know and he swears he knows you. He’s in the dining room.” She said hugging me and leading me to the back. I walked in the room looking around. It was dark and I couldn’t see much at first then my eyes adjusted. There was a dark figure looking out the far window.
“Um, excuse me?” I said slowly as I walked farther into the room. “Can I help you?” He turned around and his face lit up. He started walking to me with big smile on his face and his arms open. I reach for my phone to call someone in case I needed help.
“Jamie you look so much better than the pictures that your mom showed me. I know you don’t know who I am but I sure know you. Your Jamie Sylvia Tomkins who’s really name isn’t Tomkins it’s really Morras. I’m your father Jamie.” He said hugging me.
“Um I thought James was um my father?” I said with an odd look on my face. You could tell I was scared because I was shaking a little and so was my voice. I could even tell my voice was shaky.
“No Hun, James is your brothers father about a year after your brother was born your mother left him and went out with me but as soon as she found out she was pregnant she remarried James and pretended you were his so you wouldn’t get hurt. See my name is Max Morras and you are Jamie Morras.” He sat me down because I was starting to shake really bad partly because my mom lied to me for six-teen years and partly because I knew where I got my looks from and partly because she remarried that druggy I called my dad for so long. I must have started to cry because Max wiped tears from my cheeks. “Don’t cry Hun, I know it’s a lot to take in at this point but you don’t want to mess up your make-up before you even start the party. This might make you feel better.” He put a really big box on the table. It was wrapped in a really pretty teal and white paper with a big white bow.
“W-what is it?” I asked trying to choke down tears.
“Open it and find out,” he said pushing it closer to me. I took off the bow and started pealing of paper. It was just a plain box so I opened it with the pocket knife my, who I thought was my grandpa, gave me on his death bed. I slowly lifted the box flaps and pulled out a teal Dell Lap-Top and a white Dell printer.
“Oh Max, I mean Dad, how did you know I wanted the new colored Dell?” I asked giving him a big hug.
“Me and your mom have been talking the last seven or eight years. She told me last week what color you wanted. There’s more stuff under the packing peanuts.” He said gesturing to the box with his head. There were car keys and a few tinker toys for when I write.
“What’s with the car keys?” I asked puzzled.
“All six-teen year olds need a car or in your case a Chevy truck. It’s red. Now we will go see it after the party but right now you should get back to the party and who ever gave you the amazing necklace. I’m guessing a boy?” He gave me a little look that I can’t describe.
“Yeah, he’s like my boyfriend yet not, if that makes any sense.” I said walking back into the main room with Max right behind me. The instant we walked in the DJ started talking.
“Will Jamie please come up here?” He said over the crowd. I started to make my way to the stage that hadn’t been there last night when I worked. It took me a while since I had to go to the other side of the building and there was over 200 people there, and it didn’t help that I was in high heels. “Let’s hear a speech from the birthday girl!” He handed me the microphone as I got in front of everyone.
“Thank you for coming everyone. I don’t like speeches so it will be short and to the point. Thanks for coming and don’t trash the place to bad because I work here and don’t want to clean it up.” I handed back the microphone and everyone cheered. I jumped off the stage and started dancing with Jake. It felt like the night would never end.
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Slowly getting to my feet, wishing it was a dream.- Josette Shakespeare
Last edited by Bookbreath; 11-02-2011 at 03:10 AM..
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