-I never trust anyone 100%... not even my best friend..

I've started cutting again and have been contemplating suicide since February.

:ninja:

- I completely do not believe in god, and think its ridiculous people let it run their lives.

The only thing that keeps me from leaving my family's house and running crazy all over the world is the fact that my parents are paying for my car and my health insurance. Otherwise, I would've quit pretending years ago, and lived like a bum in different apartments or hotels, and just enjoyed myself.

Thus I feel obligated to do something with my life. I still might just quit it one day and do what I want to do.

I have horrible self image problems. I hate the fact that I'm so skinny and can't do anything to gain weight, I hate the fact that I have hip, breasts, and a more feminine body structure than I'm comfortable with. When I think about it, I have near panic attacks about how I look because I view myself as being imperfect. When I look in the mirror it seems like I'm looking at someone else, not who I am.

It's to the point where I dislike being told that I'm pretty. Although I'm not as bad as I used to be it still bothers me.

For the first time in years I didn't wear black today. I felt like an angel. :)

I'm almost... I guess hoping that the world ends. I imagine it being like the ending of Fight Club (minus the penis). I would be standing outside, watching everyone and everything around me turn to dust, and waiting for my turn to go along with them.

My mom wants to move to another state. I've always thought that I'd have to decline to go with her because it wouldn't be in my best interest, but now I don't see the point. I have nothing to lose, everything to gain, and this would kill so, so many birds wih one stone.

I send people messages anonymously on Tumblr telling them that they're perfect in every way and how beautiful they are. I tell them the things that I wish someone would say to me. I tell them this so they never feel the same way about themselves that I do.

In highschool I had such bad depression I was suicidal. No one really knew the whole extent of it. I told people I was getting better when it took me years to actually do so.

I'm afraid of sinking back to where I was. I still get those thoughts sometimes and it scares the crap out of me.

I'm afraid that no one loves me as much as I love them and I fear that my best friends will leave me so sometimes it's hard to make an effort in a friendship when I think it won't matter anyway.

I have the biggest urge to have relations with another woman, hopefully sooner than later.

I'm gay and terrified to come out to my family.

I was raped and never told a single soul.

I'm extremely self-conscious.

Originally Posted by Mystic

I have horrible self image problems. I hate the fact that I'm so skinny and can't do anything to gain weight, I hate the fact that I have hip, breasts, and a more feminine body structure than I'm comfortable with. When I think about it, I have near panic attacks about how I look because I view myself as being imperfect. When I look in the mirror it seems like I'm looking at someone else, not who I am.

It's to the point where I dislike being told that I'm pretty. Although I'm not as bad as I used to be it still bothers me.

let me take this fist and punch the crap out of you..xD
I DREAM of being skinny so I can ACTUALLY fit in the clothing I want or go in a bikini or feel like someone would want me. Being chubby at 165 lbs and 5'6-5'7 ish really makes me feel ugly and no one is going to want me because it's true! No guy (I'm saying hypothetically, I never even kissed a guy on the CHEEK before aside from family) when they take my shirt off and say omg all those rolls on your belly are so hot.
And you know It's not fair. Girls live off candy (I LOVE SUGAR Q_Q) and unhealthy stuff and theyre model thin, I live off of healthy grilled stuff, fruits, salad, and nuts and stuff and I'm fat.
Be greatful...I can't LOSE weight no matter what I try. I did sports for YEARS and never had a flat tummy or skinny. NO MATTER what I do I cant lose weight and it's ruining my life to the point where it's VERY depressing.

'

First I want to say kudos to everyone for posting here :) seeing people put such personal and deep secrets out there is really kind of inspiring. I'm still not too sure about it so... just a "light" one for now:


I'm for woman's rights, strongly at that, but I hate feminists. Quite frankly, they scare me, but not because most of them seem to hate men. It's because quite a few of them don't seem to comprehend basic biology or know what cultural conditioning is. I'm afraid they actually will sway the way things are taught in the future, when my daughter will be in school.

I'm always afraid to bring this up to people because I don't want them to think I'm a sexist or something.

@Lush: I think that no matter what your body shape is, there are always going to be people that are not happy with it and people that wish they could be the same shape. Just because Mystic is slim doesn't mean that they should be grateful for that if they're not happy with it. It's exactly the same as someone telling you to be grateful for your weight because they would love to have your curves.

Also, one day you'll find your prince charming. (: I'm a total butterball and my ex wasn't repulsed by me. C:

Originally Posted by Bucket

@Lush: I think that no matter what your body shape is, there are always going to be people that are not happy with it and people that wish they could be the same shape. Just because Mystic is slim doesn't mean that they should be grateful for that if they're not happy with it. It's exactly the same as someone telling you to be grateful for your weight because they would love to have your curves.

Also, one day you'll find your prince charming. (: I'm a total butterball and my ex wasn't repulsed by me. C:

http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/chubbyvsthing.JPG
on the left of this pic is something very similar to my body
on the right its what mystic's body probably is. (regaurdless of gender, get the point)

FAT:http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/...t_1528616c.jpg
CURVY:http://dishinaboutnutrition.files.wo...yoga-body3.jpg
big difference.

point is:
Mystic goes out in bikini:everyone is like oh normal
I go out: EW oh lookk shes chubby
and I'm not happy with that.

@Lush: I reeeeeeealllly wish you'd stop talking about Mystic. Because you DON'T know Mystic's story, and you're judging Mystic wrongly. And I mean, you're judging Mystic wrongly horribly.

It's okay if you talk about your own secret, but not anyone else's. You don't know why Mystic said that, so you don't have any clue how you could be making Mystic feel.

Same goes for everyone else's secrets in this thread--there are some painful ones here, some of which are my own.

Please stop. Thank you.

I had sex with a guy when me and my boyfriend were on the rocks and it made me realize that I do love him and it's not the same for anyone but with him, I haven't told him but I told one of my friends.

I was molested when i was 6 and my brother was 12...

I don't know why i am in college anymore. I don't love what i am doing and I am just doing it to keep my family happy

I don't like coming home because I don't want to see my brother because I am afraid of him hurting me and me or anybody in the house can't say anything to him

I secretly just want to get married to my boyfriend and leave my family behind but I would miss my mom and step-dad too much.

Originally Posted by Lush Cutie

let me take this fist and punch the crap out of you..xD
I DREAM of being skinny so I can ACTUALLY fit in the clothing I want or go in a bikini or feel like someone would want me. Being chubby at 165 lbs and 5'6-5'7 ish really makes me feel ugly and no one is going to want me because it's true! No guy (I'm saying hypothetically, I never even kissed a guy on the CHEEK before aside from family) when they take my shirt off and say omg all those rolls on your belly are so hot.
And you know It's not fair. Girls live off candy (I LOVE SUGAR Q_Q) and unhealthy stuff and theyre model thin, I live off of healthy grilled stuff, fruits, salad, and nuts and stuff and I'm fat.
Be greatful...I can't LOSE weight no matter what I try. I did sports for YEARS and never had a flat tummy or skinny. NO MATTER what I do I cant lose weight and it's ruining my life to the point where it's VERY depressing.

'

body image problems are not restricted to people of a certain size. Everyone deals with them, and just because you're a certain size doesn't represent how healthy or happy you are, and that applies to both fat and skinny people. I'm around your weight (give or take 10 pounds, I don't believe in scales, I don't judge my self worth by a number) but I'm also 5"3. And I get it. It's hard. My naturally skinny family tells me all the time how easy it would be for me to drop the weight (I've tried. It's not.), but I can't, we can't, hate ourselves for being something that our bodies are not designed to be.

There are tons of body acceptance blogs out there, written by empowering, feminist, fabulous, fashionable, and yes, fat women. Time is better spent learning how to love yourself and to get educated on how to be truly healthy, mind and body, at any size, rather than having it ruin your life.



I guess my secret is that I get claustrophobic in enclosed spaces with a lot of people. It's only ever happened at costco and an anime convention. Either way it was scary.

I spent two hours cuddling on the couch this past weekend with someone other than my significant other. That's not the secret though, I've divulged it already and we're moving past it.

The secret is that I deeply enjoyed it, and would do it again with the same person.