
10-20-2014, 07:17 AM
This story was originally written for my co-worker who wasn't looking forward to working a 5am shift. Before I left work that evening I scribbled it down on a piece of paper and left it out for her to find. It was in no way meant to be serious, but she adored it and it ended up getting passed around work. Since they all enjoyed it I thought I'd post it here. My co-worker came up with the title.
Once upon a time there was a man named Eustace who could not feel emotion. Usually he was okay with this, but all his life people kept telling him how wonderful it was to be in love. Since he was pretty sure love was an emotion and therefore could not feel it, Eustace wondered what it was like to have this supposedly life altering thing. So one day Eustace asked one of his friends what it felt like. “Like a million butterflies fluttering in your stomach.” Eustace’s completely unoriginal friend told him. Intrigued by this cliché, Eustace set out to find a butterfly. When he found one, he ate it. Then he waited. Hours passed and still he could not feel love. So he found another butterfly. He ate it. More hours passed and he could still not feel love. Being a determined sort who doesn’t learn from his past mistakes, Eustace kept eating and eating butterflies in a vain attempt to feel that feeling that he could not feel because he had no feelings.
Then one day, long after Eustace had given up eating butterflies in exchange for a more normal hobby (collecting stamps), Eustace met a girl named Helga.The instant he laid eyes on her something began to stir inside him. If he concentrated hard enough he could almost make out the sensation of what felt like the flutter of a butterfly’s wing. It was very curious and startling because Eustace had never felt such a thing before. And then he remembered his forgotten quest to feel that thing he had never felt before. Eustace suddenly stopped, unsure of what to do. He remembered his friends speaking of a thing they called “Love at first sight.” With this sudden epiphany, the fluttering increased tenfold, feeling as though he might burst. Which he did. He exploded. He exploded into a million butterflies.
It was probably for the best because if he had actually talked to Helga he would have found out that she was into taxidermy. Like… really into taxidermy.
So, you know, bullet dodged.
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