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XxZombie.Mama.NephxX
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#51
Old 01-07-2023, 03:24 AM



I made a list of new things I'll need because of my new job. It's kind of a lot to be honest. Like I feel like my first paycheck is going to be stuff I need for this job. It's kind of bullshit.

Black Pants (Maybe I can get lucky thrifting again)
Black Socks (yes they specified socks)
Black Shoes (mine aren't to bad but they're old and aren't comfortable for the whole shift)
Black Cardigan (cold in the meat locker)
Lock (for my locker)

And no they aren't covering any of it. They gave me a shirt hat and apron. I guess that's enough of a uniform. It's annoying that I'm going to have to buy more pants so soon to getting some jeans too. I don't need more clothes but nope need slacks. I Dunno I feel like if you're going to have a strict dress code you should pay for it.

I'm meal prepping for some of my lunches tonight. I want to do other things, like some art but I don't know if I'll really be into it. I go in for 8AM. I hate mornings. It feels like a big chore to wash myself. I feel broken.


Last edited by XxZombie.Mama.NephxX; 01-09-2023 at 06:38 PM..

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#52
Old 01-09-2023, 06:44 PM



I had a panic attack and quit the second day of my new job. It was just more of the same.

I don't want to live anymore.

I'm going to make a selling account to sell some of my collectables. The fam won't know why till I'm gone. I'm sick of being alive. I've gotten rid of a lot of things already, but they think it's because I'm a minimalist. Nah I just don't want them to have to get rid of it when I'm gone.

I also have to call the government again. I'm waiting for my brain doctor to get back to me today. None of the drugs they try me on work. I also have a doctor appointment on the 11th to try and deal with my insomnia. Cutting caffeine has only worked up until this week. I've been up for over 24 hours at this point.

I feel like they're going to start sending me for cat scans. My chest and guts feel like they're trying to switch positions in my body. I want to sleep, but I can't.


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#53
Old 01-20-2023, 05:25 AM



Worsening health.

SO. The sleeping pills I was prescribed don't work for shit at the dosage she told me. So I tried with two instead of one. It started to work then I had to use the bathroom (because you're suppose to take them with food and drink which is horrible for you before bed) And lo and behold. Some of the drugs side effects popped up. So this is another NO of a medication for me.

Dizziness & Heart palpitations & headache.

I felt like I was going to jump out of my body. Then because of the dizziness I bashed into the corner of the bathroom wall hitting both my head and hip on the way down. I finally got some sleep in about an hour after taking it when I had been awake for 44 hours. However it was only a six hour sleep. Which is supposedly not a full sleep of eight.

It's SO hard to concentrate when I get like that. Insomnia sucks shit. >:(

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#54
Old 01-20-2023, 02:33 PM



Lots to do today. Mostly phone calls and appointments. Todo lists used to really help me out. I haven't really made any recently. I need to get back in the habit. Might as well start now.

* Call doctor's office to make follow up appointment about my sleeping pills. (Opens at 8:30)
* Call Canada revenue department (tax season be upon us soon. Opens at 9:00)
* Physiatrist appointment 10:30 AM (blah)
* Scan in image (holy shit I did art yesterday for a bit)
* Compile and resize a few things
* Daily house Maintenace.

* Clean up inks
* Colour image
* Maybe either play wow with my boyfriend or figure out the exact amount I need to quest the newer items here.
* And sleep. I need to sleep sometime today. please. T.T

There that'll do it.


Last edited by Nephila; 01-21-2023 at 12:36 AM..

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#55
Old 01-20-2023, 05:19 PM

I hope your feeling better Nephila. I am sending you good vibes to try to get some sleep. I know what it's like having insomina.

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#56
Old 01-20-2023, 06:28 PM

Thanks hon.

It's rough, but I'm pulling and dragging myself through it
.

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#57
Old 01-23-2023, 11:59 PM

Spent another weekend outside my house and comfort zone with my other. We went thrifting and they bought an air hockey table and I found some pretty blue pillows, leather belt and a new computer chair. I had a coupon from donating last month too so my stuff was all of forty dollars. Nice. :3

They're also helping me learn Parelle parking and driving in general. They're such a patient person. We also got drunk and watched the last of Wednesday. Good times. However, I still feel hollow. Like we both don't want kids so all that's left is waiting until they leave for someone younger.

Now to figure out some things to do today. I kind of want to clean but it's not Wednesday yet. lol. Maybe I should start planning for keycon...

Last year I had a break down and didn't go. I miss those people I only see once a year. They're the kind where it's just like how you left off. Plus playing games and dancing is fun with them.

First will be deciding what costume(s), if any to wear. I haven't finished my updated Evil-Lyn Costume yet. I'm aiming for that one to be done. Other than that, I think I just might go as my freaky self.


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#58
Old 01-25-2023, 04:37 AM


Started the day out full of energy and happiness. Danced for a while then started on my To Do list. I had left over rice and veggies from yesterday, so I made Thai Chicken soup for dinner. I'm planning on making peanut butter cookies soon too. Things to keep me busy and not thinking to much about what I can't control.




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#59
Old 01-25-2023, 08:43 PM


I had a slip up yesterday with my MJ usage. I want to not have any more until May when I go to a convention. I have a hard time dealing with emotions and it helps me a bit when I use it. I have a few sewing and upgrading things I can do today to keep my mind occupied. I need to focus. I'm worried I'm going to fuck it up because it's a corset and they're expensive, but I really need to take it in... along with a few other outfits clothing things. All of them have to do with my weight loss and me wanting to improve on old Cosplays.

* Remove metal plates and shorten belt so I can wear it again.
* Take in corset
* dye "broom stick" skirt
* dye sundress
* Figure out a new zipper for my purse, the old one broke.

The I have some of my art I can do if I get threw all of that...

* Clean up inks
* Work on background
* Colour image


Last edited by Nephila; 02-06-2023 at 09:27 PM..

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#60
Old 02-08-2023, 01:27 AM

[B]

This "weekend" won't end. Urgg! I'm so fucking sleepy, but I can't sleep. I have too much energy some how.

Ok SO here's a rough guide to where I am mentally right now.

* Friday: awake at 11 AM
* Saturday: slept for 4 hours (approx. 4am- 8 am) - Spent time with his family. Had a blast.
* S r to practice)
* Monday: Still awake.
* Tuesday: Still awake at 3 am ...

Ate some soup and then played WOW with my little spoon. I love that they like to be the little spoon in cuddling. They giggle so cute when I nom on dem. hehe. I'll give an updated time after our play session, and I eat my soup.

About 7:30 am now going to try and lay down again. If I'm not sleeping in and hour from now, I'll probably be back.

9:30 Passed in a second as I was staring blankly at a screen.

[A possible 2 hour nap happened. But I was conscious of sounds upstairs, so I don't think so. Plus two hours? are you kidding?]

10:00 PHONE CALL WAKE UP NoCTURNAL CREATURES WE'RE DAY CREATURES AND BETTER THAN YOU CUZ WE HAVE THE SUN.

I'll stay with the moon.

10:30 - 11:30 Trying to put thoughts onto a screen and my eye need some drops.

11:30 - 12:30 Realizing I have a new prescription to pick up now for a new drug that I already forget the name of... I asked the kiddo if she wanted to go for a walk with me.

12:30 - 4:00 Trying to put my boots on took longer than expected. The new one is spelt Apo-zopiclone.

730 lets go.




---------- Post added 02-07-2023 at 09:30 PM ----------

930 and I'm still up.

why

Last edited by Nephila; 02-08-2023 at 01:33 AM..

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#61
Old 02-08-2023, 10:22 AM

4 am Wednesday

So, I took the pill and little to no effect. What is my body chemistry doing right now.

Time to clean. Still haven't slept properly. But I'm tired of staring at the wall waiting for my eyes to close.

When I get like this I feel like if I just stay in bed long enough, I'll sleep. It's just not working. My person even came out to try and get me to sleep...but they fell asleep before me so now I'm on here.

I had a 2 hour nap and have been dancing since about the time I last posted. More like swaying and laying on the floor and rolling. Very random things.

~

Someone sent me a mail with pixel stuff yesterday, but in my current state my fingers kinda twitched and I deleted it. Because I'm exhausted, I can't find it in my deleted folder. From someone named Linsey and I'm sure I knew who that was some time ago, but I don't anymore.

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#62
Old 02-09-2023, 07:02 AM



I've been fixing my runway thread because it has a lot of dead links thanks to photobucket in it right now. I hate everything about that place. Thank goodness for IMGUR or else I'd be screwed.

I made so many avatars over the years that it's going to be a huge project to undertake. It'll at least give me something to do.
I'm also in the process of cleaning the files on my own computer.

Any way I have stuff to do.


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#63
Old 02-09-2023, 08:09 PM



Oh bot I have no idea how I'm going to fix my runway thread. When I go to the thread to see which avatar goes where there all dead links and I don't remember specific avatars. I wish I knew which one went with what contest and post. I still need to eat breakfast.

The Cosplay post will be the easiest one to fix up right now. But I like to go down the row. I'm conflicted.

Time to make breakfast.


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#64
Old 02-11-2023, 01:46 AM



On our walk today my daughter and I took photos a winter rabbit. It sat and hid behind a fence as we were on our way to the bio reserve. Other than that, we took pictures of the sky at sun set. I'm currently waiting for the camera to warm up before I take the photos off of them.

It's so lovely out this weekend. Only -4 when we went out. The wind was a bit cutting towards the end, but we had some nice soup when we got home.

...The I did the thing I said I wouldn't and changed my avatar. It still has a spider theme to it though. :3

Snakes, Spiders, Sharks.... some of my favorite on earth. Creepy scary creatures need love too. <3

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#65
Old 02-11-2023, 08:27 PM



I Made my person and daughter banana pancakes with bacon today. We're all stuffed! Can't wait for our walk later. First, we have some running around to do.

I won't be here for the start of the event so that kind of sucks. But on Monday around noon I will. I think I'm ready to let the posting beast out. I hope there will be people around to talk. It would be sad if there isn't.




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#66
Old 02-13-2023, 09:54 PM



Spent a weekend with my love. We made some fun plans for next weekend! We're going to Festival du Voyageur. Which is a end of winter ice sculpture event. They've never been before. Which was surprising to me because I have a lot of fond memories about going as a kid. The maple candy that's made in the snow, the historical demonstrations the live music and beer gardens with sports being played in the background.

And of course, the festival food. :3 It's meant as a "horary the weather will get nicer now" after this event. And the sculptures melt and get destroyed. I think I'm going to take pictures of them. And maybe get some of me with them. We'll see how the day goes.

I love that they make me feel excited to live again. I still get really dark "I wanna kill myself" kind of moods. But they're less now than before.

Enough about sadness. It's time for a Lovely Mene event.


Last edited by Nephila; 02-14-2023 at 12:24 AM..

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#67
Old 02-14-2023, 12:25 AM



FUCK!

I'm so stupid. I forgot my purse in babes car and now I get to worry until they're off work that someone might see it in the back seat and take it. Or smash the windows to get it. I hope they see it before anyone else does. I feel like such a dumbass now. We both don't have cell phones so it's difficult to get a hold of them at work.

Also, I started doing Mene stuff before I did my daily job search. Old habits coming back to bite me in the ass. I have to get better if I'm ever going to improve my situation. I hate filling out the same forms over and over on different sites for the same jobs I don't really want. I have so many "feelers" out right now.

At least I've been remembering to take my medication this week. I should count them out to see when I have to refill.




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#68
Old 02-14-2023, 09:49 PM



Got a lot to do today. Well none of it is really something I *have* to do. But what I want to do. Paint my nails and bake cookies for my love. Then I'm going to make them a meal tonight when they get off work and we're going to do lame VDay stuff even though we're both kinda iffy on the whole holiday. XD

And prolly smoke some pot sometime today. I'll ask someone for a ride because it's a bit to cold to walk.


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#69
Old 02-16-2023, 04:03 AM



I got Roses and a sexy surprise for Valentine's day. I was pretty shocked that we both did something for the other person since we're both not really fans of the holiday. They looked really cute. I can't wait till we go to festival this weekend.

Just a few hours until I get to hold them again.


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#70
Old 02-22-2023, 09:36 PM



We went on the weekend to the festival. It was a beautiful winter day out. Just cold enough to let you know you're outside. The sculptures we beautiful this year.

We went on a hay ride an drank both wine and hot cocoa. We also ate maple candy. It was boiling hot then the put it on snow and scoop it up. We chatted a lot about a lot of topics. I might share some picture later on Facebook. Not really sure.


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#71
Old 02-25-2023, 06:55 AM



I keep meaning to do detailed posts about my life, then not having time or the will to do it. Very odd thing in my unemployed state.

Was does depression make people lazy? Like. Bed is life bed is love. Bed is my favorite place, so then why am I sad still? Why can't I control my emotions. Why can't I be a Vulcan?

Oh well there's always next week.


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#72
Old 02-28-2023, 06:58 PM



Trying to get my taxes done today. I want to be a good citizen. They don't make it easy though. Papers and forms and blah blah blah.

I have a few other things to do today too. But I want to compile photos and other images. Wah wah wah.


Last edited by Nephila; 03-01-2023 at 11:33 PM..

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#73
Old 03-01-2023, 10:37 PM



I'm finally going to dye my broomstick skirt. It should dye very easily as it's 100% cotton. It'll be nice to have it refreshed. I've had this skirt since high school and the only thing wrong with it is the color fading. It comfortable and swishy. I'm also going to add some old white socks that turned grey in afterward to get the most out of my dye. I love dying things to make them new again. It doesn't always work but when it does it's better than getting a new top.

The skirt I'm dying is Black and Burgandy.

My camera's battery won't hold a charge anymore and it's very bothersome because I don't have the money right now to see it fixed. But I will soon, I hope.


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#74
Old 03-02-2023, 09:14 PM



I'm happy with how my dye jobs turned out yesterday. I also made my mother's Birthday present out of things I didn't want anymore. I hope she likes it. I don't know how she's going to react to it. We'll see.

I Made a yummy strawberry/banana/oj/protein powder smoothie for breakfast today. Feeling energized. I'm not really sure what else I should do today. Other than the usual 2-hour job search, maybe I'll work on my base some more? Ugg I don't feel like making a male version of it. But I need to if I ever want to do anything with them.

Maybe I don't.


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#75
Old 03-09-2023, 05:10 AM



They make me want to be a better person. I don't take that good of care of myself, but I find myself taking care of me for them.

They're feeling a little under the weather lately. I got them a bunch of medicine, so I hope they're resting up and will come back and see me soon.

I found cross stich and finished a project. It gave me some accomplishment. I kinda want to give it to them but I think it's to lame of a gift. It's a little paw print. cute, but mostly a pointless reminder.


 


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