I'm excited for this weekend. I get to spend lots of time with my lover. <3

I put out a few more resumes today as well.

I just have to sew a button on some pants and pack. So, the rest of the day is open after that. I'm not sure what I'll do.

Maybe I'll feel like working on a commission later. We'll see.

Thinking of doing something special tonight for someone. I don't know what though. I'll have to think.

Been awake since 12pm central March 20th

26 hours isn't that bad. The feeling good awake is still with me. Not the zombie kind. It's the go ahead and push through it kind of feeling.

I like to post here, but I could never be myself here.

I'm Starting to feel the bad kind of awake. Why won't my mind just shut the fuck up.

But I'm also like half an hour from seeing someone I'm addicted too.

I felt like doing easter/spring/rebirth avatars Lately. I just did some on Re.color as well. First one is Saturn as seen in the French Mystery Schools magic. Second one is Kind of a mix of Ostara, Ava the white serpent of healing, Green Jack, the one horned and also The cute Bunnyfish- Mene a tm).
I kind of want to do a rainbow of goddesses now Since one ended up mostly blue and the other is mostly green. Maybe as the wheel of the year moves on I will.

.

Shall I paint my nails for my cousins wedding Social on Saturday or Go to sleep?

Sleep is probably what I should choose.

Hmm I'll try but I ran out of my prescription.

...Some time later.

The nails are nearly done but I'm hungry now. Going to grab a snack before I do the topcoat.

Another day sending out papers and looking for work.

I'm so lonely.

I want to quit life so bad these days.

Got in contact with a driver school finally.

Right now I'm seeing if they can do my test date.

It's early in the morning so I wonder.

I have lessons on the 10, 24 and the 25th.

It's also getting closer to my year after surgery eye check up on the 12th.

I'm nervous about us going for it.

When it's your birthday but you forget if your 40 or 42...

Oh well I'm going out for sushi either way. lol.

Forgot to do my weigh in on the first but I'm 138.8 This morning.

My darling lost their cat yesterday.

They're really sad.

I want to be there for them but they're the type that suffers quietly. They just wanted to be alone yesterday.

I wish I could hold them sooner, but they work today.

Went to my year after lasik eye check up appointment today.

Got prescribed eyedrops 4 times a day.

Then I'm going back in a month to see if I've healed further.

We told each other we wanted to be together forever on the weekend. And again, this morning.

I've started looking at hand-fasting stuff and debated with myself if cord or ribbon would be best.

Who am I anymore? - Other than someone who wants to be happy with someone until the end.

I've never wanted to be this way with anyone before because I know emotions don't last. And marriage is extremely expensive.

Except for the thing where we liked each other for 20ish years before ever dating. So maybe we could?

Everything is just easier with them. Normally I think if you've had a crush on someone your brain builds a way you think they will be. However, they've only improved my opinion of them since we started dating. They're better than I ever thought possible.

I saw a ring that would be perfect for them!

We've played video games together, in particular WoW, since my daughter was a baby. And when I see this ring, it reminds me of The Alliance. It's a gold lion with Saphire in it. I like the idea of a Saphire engagement ring for them. Diamond is to normal. It's also my daughter's birthstone and both of our favorite colour. The price tag however is something that would take me 3-5 years to save up for. Also I don't know how they'd feel about something that big or me being the one to ask. I feel like I've wasted enough time without them. Like saving for it would be a waste of time.

I don't know what to do.

I guess the first thing to do is to find work so I can help pay for whatever we decide.

I'm a dumb ass without food security, but I keep looking at jewelry for someone else and wedding stuff.

At least it's keeping me busy.

I had another interview today.

It went ok. I'm still hoping for the place I called on Friday to call me.

Mostly because I have some issues about how the place I interviewed at pushes you to buy clothes from their shop to be a model for it. Yes there's a 40% discount for staff, but being forced into buying a top every month is kind of annoying.

I honestly don't understand how it's legal.

I've been having a lot of odd dreams lately. Mostly me trying to find things and failing. They're probably about my job search. :(