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Clair Voyant
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#1
Old 01-05-2008, 02:53 PM

I'm not sure if this is a good story or not, but I thought I'd give it a try and post it on menewsha to see what others thought. Please be honest and tell me what you really think of it! If it sucks, tell me, if it's good, tell me. But please tell me what about it sucked or what about it was good. I need to know so my writing imporoves. If you don't tell me then I can't get better at it!

Chapter 1

Cecelia ran out and into the fresh fallen snow. Her heart filled with joy seeing snow for the first time in her life. Still in her pajamas and without a coat on she rolled around in the snow laughing uncontrollably. Something about the cold was inviting to her and she spread out in the snow, starring up at the gray morning sky, she began catching snow flakes on her tongue. Though she was over come by the beauty and crisp cold of the snow, she might have not been, had she known that she was being watched.
There were two of them, a boy and girl. They watched her from the protection of the forest brush, where they had a clear view of her, but she had no view of them.
The girl turned to the boy. "Why on earth is she laying in the snow?"
"Who knows?" he said chuckling. He was older by a few years, around seventeen. By their appearance one could tell they were siblings, they shared the same wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes.
“I don’t care , anyway! I hate her!” the girl exclaimed, crossing her arms across her chest. Her brother smiled down at her.
He nodded. “Lets go. No reason to stay here.”
“Where would we go? We’re stuck on the property, Leo!” she said. Leo, her brother, just laughed and took her hand.
“Yes, I know, but we can’t just stand in the cold, can we?”
The girl frowned. “What difference does it make? I can’t feel the cold.”

Blacksheep poet
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#2
Old 01-05-2008, 07:25 PM

It's all Great!!

Silenia
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#3
Old 01-06-2008, 01:43 PM

It's a bit short to judge, but I did really like it. :) It makes me curious who the 'watchers' are, why one of them hates Cecelia, etc. I'd love to read more, if you're willing to post. :)

Clair Voyant
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#4
Old 01-06-2008, 06:05 PM

The chapters are very short and I plan on posting a new chapter once a week. I asked to have it locked because I didn't think people would like to read it. Thank you for your posts.

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#5
Old 01-06-2008, 09:42 PM

Ah, but it's nice. I think people would actually really like or even love to read it. I'm looking forwards to the next chapter.

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#6
Old 01-07-2008, 01:17 AM

Thank you!

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#7
Old 01-07-2008, 07:57 PM

You're welcome.

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#8
Old 01-12-2008, 01:16 AM

nice

 


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