I know this topic is really hard but I would really like to share it and discuss it maturely with you guys.
I have done some research about it after seeing a documentary and reading a book about Afganistan's situation, it is not my intention to be against anyone's religion it is not about that, I think this is a complete different matter.

Child marriage is not a new trend and is prevalent in Afghanistan since long. Not only this, child marriages here are even warranted in some versions of Islamic texts and tradition.
Very high percentage of marriages in Afghanistan includes girls who are even below the legal age specified by the government.

Though now law in Afganistan's Constitution has changed now:
There is a minimun age of 16 for women and 18 for men to get married, things like selling child wives or trading them is still a tradition.

What they say:
"Ghulam Haider, 11, daughter of Mahmoud Haider, who himself is 32 but is all set to tie knot of his daughter to Faiz Mohammed, who is 40. He has no answer to poverty except this" ....so is this how they deal with not having what to eat?
Are women like cattle for them ?
Of of the the main reason behind child marriages is to receive money.
Some girls are given away as payment for gambling debts ...

It is said that one of their prophets has
married a nine-years-old girl...How sick and perverted can it get...
and he has been accused of having sex with a six year old girl who was sent to her house to wait for the "legal " age to be his wife....

All these things scarry me sooooo much you have no idea...it is even worst than the vagina mutilation they do to women.....

SO what's your opinion on this..?

Although it's not part of OUR culture
it is theirs. Does it bother me? Having
a daughter myself, yes. But to the blind
eye. If I hadn't had my own child I would
still be ignorant about it. I have a mutually
adopted brother from there, and they do not
practice this now as much as they used to.
It's a slowly dieing tradition. And yes,
in their religion we are pretty much cattle
to them. Females are worthless to them and
men are like gods. I don't exactly get it,
but they can have their religion as long as
it doesn't effect me. >.>

I don't agree with this practice at all, and am happpy to hear that it's dying out.
I've know that they consider a son to be more useful because they can work, and bring in money (again, very old school and traditional), but it seems that they fail to realize it is the females that bring the sons into the world. For that, I'd have to think daughters are worth quite a bit.

I don't care in what civilization you live, little girls are not ready for sex. Physically (if their period hasn't come on) or emotionally. I truly believe it's a tradition that needs to be snubbed out, it's life human trafficing, and the men that buy and sell these girls really need to take a step back and really look at themselves as people.

Like the last two posters, I'm glad its dying out, it's their culture, to them it's maybe normal because they grew up in it, I'm assuming, and I'm against it completely, since I'm a kid myself.

Maybe this was made up by a pedophile? Anyways, what's vagina mutilation?

That's kind of disgusting, but they are still stuck back in bible times that way I suppose..so yeah..women are a bit like cattle to them..

I think it's disgusting for a man to marry his 11 year old daughter off to a 30 something year old man. I mean, what the heck.. I guess he does get money..but some people in other countries, have children for money or labor, so.. not much can be done about it. More kids, more hands to help out with farming..

It's their culture though..so..I don't want to be disrespectful, despite the fact that I think it's wrong.

In India, arranged marriages like this actually work out very well.. so yeah *shrugs*..but the difference is, is that the two getting married are around the same age.

I wouldn't wanna be married off that young, or marry any of my kids off..but different countries, different beliefs.. It's good it's going away, because someone so young shouldn't have to raise a family.

I don't think old men screwed 6 year old girls in the Bible. o_O'''' There's nothing biblical or holy about it. ~___~'' Just horny old pervs.

If it were my country, and my word was law..I'd have every single pedophile castrated and remove their dominant hand while I'm at it. So, if you're right handed, I'd cut off that hand. =^) Possibly do it on pay-per-view to fundraise for women's shelters while I'm at it. That way, I don't need to ensure you keep your hands to yourself, and it's easier to make sure you're not as huge a threat to other people. Sometimes it seems that people need examples or they won't behave. Depressing how old farts can think it fine and dandy to ruin something so pure.

I am as frustrated as you on this issue. On one hand i totally think it is disgusting to treat innocent girls like such, but on the other hand, it is acceptable over there. See, i don't have the right to judge what is right and what is wrong. But personally, if those girls are against it, i really do want to help. It's a frustrating circle of thoughts, since i cannot even begin to understand why those people think the way they do. They were raised up that way believing those customs. But even if i have no right to judge... how can destroying someone's childhood ever be a right thing to do? Those disgusting fools used the holy words of their God to commit such sinful acts. I really rather do something about such cruelty than talking about it, but i haven't figure out anything anyone could do that will really help. D= If someone knows a way to help the women-in-need in the Middle East, drop me a line.

Originally Posted by kimu

Anyways, what's vagina mutilation?

It's when they cut off a woman's clitoris because that is the nerve center of the vagina, and the most sensivite part of a woman's body, so stimulating it enables a woman to experience the level of pleasure that men get from having sex. without it, sometimes the vagina has problems knowing when to lubricate itself, and much, much, MUCH harder to get a woman to orgasm. just thinking about it makes me feel all cold inside.

the bible also has young daughters sleeping with their fathers just to give him a male heir (in genesis). the world is messed up. poor women are taken advantage of in almost every country, including america. the only way to stop it is to eliminate sexism, but women are just as much to blame for it as men are, because they allow it to happen without even knowing they are part of the problem. but we can't change entire countries. we can only change ourselves. be the change you want to see in the world.

Legal pedophila?...OF course I don't approve.
And I hate the genital mutilation. Though I am curious and I'd love to hear from someone who has had it done. Since there are millions, some people on here must have had it done.

I've noted that a lot of people turn a blind eye to this, rationalizing with the idea that "it's their culture." While I understand the reticence to become involved with this issue and sound ignorant for taking up against it, there's a point where the argument of cultural relativity becomes enabling. There's cultural relativity, and then there's crime and moral depravity.

You can't conflate tradition with morals.

I don't take up as much issue with arranged marriage at older ages. However, I really do believe that arranged marriages should be illegal when children are within a certain age range. At younger ages, children are emotionally vulnerable and literally incapable of understanding sex, let alone consenting. Nonconsensual sex is rape, period. End of subject. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but in any situation where a nine to even 16 or 17 or 18 year old girl is forced into that situation-- you've just enabled child abuse, and do not deserve to be a parent.


Now, the latter ages of which I speak may sound unreasonable to you, but I put them in for a reason; with a large age discrepancy, if the girl doesn't agree, the consummation of marriage should be illegal and the validity of that marriage dissolved. Period. When two people are within similar age ranges, they should be given time to know each other, and consummation should still be illegal without mutual consent. Why? Because forcing anyone to have sex is emotionally damaging and wrong, period.

There's a certain point at which cultural relativity should be dismissed, because basic ideas of right and wrong-- murder, rape, violent abuse-- should be universal across cultures.

All people have the right to live well, healthy, happy.

If you think otherwise, you might need to reconsider the process that led you to that conclusion.


I'm not against arranged marriage in its entirety, however. I actually know 3 people who have been in arranged marriages, for whom those marriages worked admirably. One of them, an old teacher of mine, preferred her method of marriage, and remembers her wedding fondly. Note, however, that for none of the people of whom I speak was the marriage to a person that they genuinely couldn't stand, none to a person much older than them, none consummated without their willing participation.

Within certain guidelines, I'm more than okay with arranged marriage. If a parent actually has some concern for the wellbeing of his or her children (his, for the most part, considering what we discuss), it can work.

I think that's rather disgusting, the gigantic age difference. Otherwise, arrange marriages aren't that bad if they actually care about the child and their wellfare.

Thats fucked up! D=<

This is a practice that has been going on for thousands on years over many cultures.

That said, it's hard for me to find it a "weird" practice.

However, I don't think that girls who haven't had their periods yet should be having sex. I can kind of understand it when girls are 12-13 (if they have their periods) and the culture that marries off girls at that age, but any lower then that is not natural in my opinion.

Originally Posted by kerisu

It's when they cut off a woman's clitoris because that is the nerve center of the vagina, and the most sensivite part of a woman's body, so stimulating it enables a woman to experience the level of pleasure that men get from having sex. without it, sometimes the vagina has problems knowing when to lubricate itself, and much, much, MUCH harder to get a woman to orgasm. just thinking about it makes me feel all cold inside.

Vagina mutilation can go much further. It goes from just cutting off the clitoris to cutting off the clitoris AND all the externally visible parts of the vagina (labia... what do you call them in English?) AND sewing the vagina shut. They leave a hole open to pee but it's often not big enough, and the wounds get infected often because they don't use the right tools (in some parts of Africa, the needle is replaced by a thorn). When a woman gets married and her husband gets to "pluck her flower", he has to thrust through the strings first. I read somewhere that "the more pain the woman has, the better". >_< There are women who get themselves sewn up several times in life, just because it's the "right" thing to do according to them.

Situations like this are always very difficult, because to the majority of the world, what they're doing is morally wrong. Yet stepping in and demanding they stop isn't the right way to go about ending the problem (we've seen what that can do). But as time passes, more and more people come to find this act barbaric, and more and more people are trying to stop the acts in their own country. It's impossible for any of us to understand exactly how things feel there because we come from such vastly different cultures. Should it stop? Of course. But it's so hard to stop something like that without it turning into us forcing our culture on them and telling them what they can and cannot do.
Regarding arranged marriages, I find those fascinating when done in a caring way. My friend Yumi is involved in an arranged marriage. She's met the man once when she was very young and doesn't remember him at all. I asked her if she felt weird about it at all, and she said no, that it actually makes it sort of nice knowing she'll be cared for when she's older.

While I may not agree with this practice, it's just.. right for some people. Though I don't get how pedophilia is okay.

I might find it disgusting and revolting, but others might find it natural to happen. I don't know why, that's just how they were brought up. Sad that happens though.

I don't like the fact that they treat women like crap though. A lot practices include doing that. Nice to know it's dying out though.

selling your children off, i dont think that is a religious tradition. I think that because there is so much poverty there, sometimes the parents cannot resist. I do see it as wrong.
Now it is part of the religion that men are like gods and women are cattle.
honestly though, that's how it's always been traditionally. men were always seen as smarter, stronger, and better than women.

This (Child marraige) doesn't just happen in the far off countries. As scary as it may sound, this happens right here in our own US of A (Most notably in Utah and Texas. No, I'm not joking) in polygamist camps and 'religious' camps where women are raised as baby machines and young girls are married as soon as they hit puberty to rich fat ugly old men who already have several 'wives' they get around the law by divorcing or annulling the marraige, but keeping the wife in the house as a trophy, and it is preached in their communities that the more babies a woman has, the more she will be blessed in the coming age.

Often, young girls are FORCED into the marraige and then RAPED on their wedding night, completely against their will. The 'first' wife is held in high esteem and the other wives and children are forced to serve the first family from making their food and serving their meals to preparing their baths. The young women are taught as soon as they are teachable to cook, clean, and sew, and above all they are taught that their only purpose in life is to get married and have babies and that the younger they get married and the more babies they have, the more holy they are.

Nothing in these households are modernized, the women are not allowed to leave the camps to shop, they make their own clothes, harvest their own vegetables, raise their own chickens and livestock, and all this while taking care of their numerous children, raising their own daughters and sons to believe that this is a good and proper way of life, that all who believe opposite are horrible sinners and will soon get their own deserts.

Quite often certain men will leave the camps and become lawmen (police, lawyers) in the surrounding cities so that if anyone sees what is going on and brings it to the attention of the law, all the camps get is a slap on the wrist.

Recently I read an article in a magazine that the leader of one of these camps was arrested and is awaiting trial. The young woman who had escaped the camp and brought attention of him to the law is everyday fighting a battle she cannot afford for her very daughters livelihoods, she does not want them to suffer the same thing she had to suffer, but the leader, even in prison, is still calling the shots. The woman is intimidated, slandered, her husband calls her a whore and is attempting to gain custody of her precious children.

The most disturbing part of this is that this really happens in the US of A, it is not a joke, and it is not a well known fact. Most people don't even REALIZE or they don't care, or they just can't deal with the fact, and so turn a blind eye to this, but it's very disturbing and it shocks me to my core whenever I think about it, read about it, or hear about it.

some arranged marriages are a little different from child marriage though, often these are done when the child is young, but isn't gone through with until the child has grown to the age of consent.

Another stolen childhood. My mom's first husband was a real dickhead. He was abusive, a tyrant, AND, as my mom later found out, he sexually abused my oldest sister. My mom didn't know about it until even after her divorce from him. My oldest sister did alot to protect my second oldest sister, she would take her into her bedroom and play music when mom and her dad were fighting, and she'd protect her when he started swinging, So my second oldest sister didn't really see much of it.

as the consequences, my oldest sister as forced to grow up much to young, and now (as she nears her forties) she is attempting to re-live her lost childhood, to the detriment of her marraige and her relationship with her own children, and it's very sad.

After my mom divorced him and met my dad she had my sisters go see their father ONCE. He kept telling my second oldest sister to go to bed, but she wouldn't leave my oldest sister and so sat through an entire pornographic movie. The next day they went home to my dad and mom and mom aksed how the visit was, Jan (My oldest sister) just shrugged, but Dee (My second oldest sister) was young and unafraid and so told my parents what had happened. Jan and Dee's dad hadn't left yet, he'd been just getting into his car, and my dad grabbed his pistol from the gun cabinet, ran outside, pointed it in his face, and said "DON'T you EVER Fucking touch my daughters again."

He became my sisters hero at that very moment, and she's looked up to my dad ever since (even when he put a padlock on the phone because she kept running up the phone bill.)

That's horrible... D: why would people send their little kids to get raped and abused, just to pay off gambling depts?.... Absolutely Terrible.

I've got to say, the most astonishing thing about this thread is the number of people who have somehow managed to completely miss the point.

First off, when did "it's their culture" become a valid excuse to let child abuse and rape off the hook? There's a reason that systematic, heinous acts against human rights are called "crimes against humanity" and not "crimes against people in my immediate vicinity." And sure, it's right for some people - like, for example, the wealthy men who can buy children to use for their own sexual pleasure. It doesn't matter how often a little girl is treated like chattle or told that she must do as her "husband" says, it's not all "right" for her when a strange, older man takes her home and forces himself on her.

Second, the disturbing thing here shouldn't be the age difference, it should be the rape of a young child. There are many happy couples with 10-20+ year age gaps. The difference is that they were both consenting adults when they made their vows.

As Niamh said, not all arranged marriages work this way. In some countries, it's merely a matter of families being more involved in the process of finding a match, but force is never considered and the marriage is ultimately consented to by both parties. It's not a system I'd choose, but nobody involved is raped and couples married this way often lead happy lives.