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Emo Pineapple
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#1
Old 03-15-2008, 06:07 PM

I wrote this for school a in 8th grade...2 years ago.
I was looking through old stuff and I thought feedback would be nice!

You Don't Know Me

You don't know me
For I am a figment of your imagination
Nothing more
I am the one making the decisions,
Not you.
You still don't know me do you
Just let me give you another clue
You belong to me, I do not belong to you
That is something that I can tell you.
You must listen to me
But you never do
Just let me say one more thing
You still don't know me
You don't know me
I am your conscience
Making up your mind
Telling you what you should and shouldn't do
So listen, listen, well, for there is something that I have to tell
You don't know me now!

I wrote a second one like this so I have to find it. If I find it I will post it.

Elixssam
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#2
Old 03-17-2008, 12:06 PM

It reminds me of a book I read before called 'you don't know me' It makes me wonderif you read it and it inspiered you to write this. xD

I thought it was pretty good and the voice was very dark. The poem was straight forward. I didn;t have to read it over to understand the meaning behind it.

The only promlem I have is right here,
Quote:
You still don't know me
You don't know me
I had to read it a few times becasue it sounded like the line was repeating.

Nightgaunt
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#3
Old 03-18-2008, 09:39 AM

I'm going to move this to the poetry subforum.

 


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