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Baja
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#1
Old 04-11-2007, 01:30 AM

She closes the door of the tan, Ford Ranger making sure the revolver is tucked safely away in the pocket of her smock. The most dreadful piece of clothing in her uniform. After being pused aside to allow way of a rude customer she finaly enters the grocery store. Kids crying and screaming, people talking, the hum and beep of registers nearby, it all fills her ears with noise. Pure noise, that she can no longer stand. Then, it happens, someone... some stupid person makes an even stupider remark and Bang! In a flash, the gun is in hand and the first round is fired. The customer falls dead to the ground. More follow him as the massacre continues. Laughing inside all teh while, though keeping a straight face she lets go of all the withheld angre from her two years on the job. Each day had been driven to the back of memory only to fester and grow, until it became too much. She tried to warn them, but noone listened. Well, they're listening now...

(Well, I feel slightly better after writing that. Like a bullet, better out than in. Unless its in someone else. >.>)

Like my story? ^.^

zeroSenshi12
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#2
Old 04-11-2007, 02:01 AM

I like it. The feeling is there. I felt it. I only write to let my emotions out. Whether my writing is good or not depends on how angry, hurt, or depressed I am. Or estatic. Sometimes I write well happy.

Anyway, what I mean is, I think you did a good job of capturing the feeling even though it was only a short paragraph.

Helika
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#3
Old 04-15-2007, 04:34 AM

I definetley felt the anger! Pretty good writing, I enjoyed it. Slight Typos here and there, but doesn't ruin the writing in my opinion. Good job :D .

 


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