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Valkyrie_Valentine
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Old 05-17-2008, 09:19 AM

Now this story isn't meant to be serious, it's more of a little parody-type fan-fiction I came up with after seeing the new Chronicles of Narnia 'Prince Caspian' trailer.

If Peter (William Mosely) Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and even Mr. Tumnus (James McAvoy) get heaps of stories with Mary-Sues and terrible OCs/Self-inserts, imagine the amount Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) is going to have!

So, that's kinda how my train of thought proceeded.
If you don't like it, by all means say so, all I ask is that you give a reason why and a valid reason at that.

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Quote:
It was a fairly bright day in Narnia. Although the air of Cair Paravel was anything but bright. It was dreary and blue, for today the Queens, Kings and Guardian of Narnia were mourning the loss of their dear friend Caspian.

Well…

The Queens and Kings were mourning.

The group were standing in one of the many gardens of Cair Paravel, a small funeral burial before them. Flowers surrounded it, as well as a tombstone engraved with:

‘Caspian X
Dear friend, future King.’

As well as the head of Aslan, naturally.

The four Pevensies stood around the coffin sadly, each showing their sorrow in different ways. Peter and Edmund stared at the ground with slight guilt, for they had been present during dear Caspian’s death and in fear of the army of seemingly unnaturally beautiful women, had fled instead of remaining to aid him in battle.

Lucy and Susan were crying softly for their lost friend, Susan felt as though the situation was so entirely illogical, that it must not have happened unless it was her fault. Lucy felt…Well, she felt like someone whose friend had just been mobbed by a small army of supernatural women.

Annyka, however, was doing neither; she was glaring at the coffin fiercely. She knew exactly what the army had consisted of, a truly lethal species of creature indeed. One she spent most of her time keeping away from Peter and Edmund. She scowled. “I told him! I told him to watch out for them! But does he listen? No! It’s his own fault he’s dead!”

The past-monarchs stared at her blankly, Lucy being the only one to blink. Edmund shifted from foot to foot before speaking. “Told him to watch out for what?”

“What didn’t he listen to?” Peter asked worriedly.

The tiefling’s flickered towards them, her snowy ringlets shifting sharply (A/N: ringlets=hair); the siblings cringed at the icy glare they were receiving. “The bloody Mary-Sues, that’s what!” They were sure they heard her swear under her breath as she folded her arms with a huff. “It’s the same every year! Do you have any idea how many of those bloody nuisances I have to destroy?!”

“Um…What exactly is a Mary-Sue, Ani?” Lucy asked hesitantly.

“Oh of course you wouldn’t notice! Know why? Because I’m the one that has to pry them off of your good-for-nothing brothers!”

“What?”

“Pry whom off of us?”

“The bloody women! They’re never normal! With the changing, unusual hair and eye colour and their pretty voices and womanly curves and-and-ARGH!” She was practically ripping her hair out, left eye twitching madly and her tail swishing from side to side violently.

“But we’ve never even seen them!”

“That’s part of their plan!” She shrieked, waving her arms around like a flightless bird. “With their inhuman finesse, musical talents, tragic pasts, spiffy weapons, bestial heritage and uncanny knack for showing up when either of you are heartbroken or in mortal danger!”

“We’d remember someone like that, Ani.” Peter said slowly, in fear of evoking the tiefling’s formidable wrath.

Edmund nodded, he too was frightened of Annyka. She may have been their guardian but that didn’t mean she couldn’t deliver a nasty right hook when the situation called for it. Or rather when she felt the situation called for it. “Besides, you’re the one who saves us when we’re heartbroken or in mortal danger.”

Lucy nodded yet again. “That’s right, you’re the only guardian for us!” The girl’s face took on a thoughtful expression. “Hey…You know, these Mary-Sues sound an awful lot like you, Ani.”

“She’s right.” Susan agreed. “You have an unusual hair colour.”

“You can sing very well.” Lucy chirped.

“You do possess womanly curves.” Edmund piped up, grinning cheekily whilst waggling his eyebrows.

“You’re the most amazing fighter we’ve ever seen.” Peter said.

“Your past could be considered tragic.” Susan murmured thoughtfully.

“You have a rather impressive sword.” Lucy said.

“And you aren’t completely human, being a tiefling and all.” Edmund spoke slowly, his grin widening in anticipation.

Annyka paused with her arm-flailing. Her eyes widened slowly, a look of horror spreading across her face. “Oh Aslan no! I’m a-a-”

“Mary-Sue?” The four of them chirped.

“NOOOOO!” She continued to scream ‘No’ for a few minutes at least before her eyes rolled back and she collapsed. Whether she fainted out of terror or lack of oxygen was unclear at that point.

The monarchs began laughing uncontrollably. The coffin lid opened and Caspian sat up, he too was laughing. “I’m going to assume this means your prank was successful?” He asked.

They nodded, soon the laughter ended, being replaced with silence. They began to worry when Annyka remained motionless on the grass. Edmund scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “Do you suppose we should take her to her chambers?”

“That would probably be best.” Peter said guiltily.

Edmund carefully picked Annyka up, groaning when she slapped him in the face. “Why does she have to have such annoyingly receptive reflexes?”

“She might just be dreaming about slapping you, Ed.” Lucy said with a grin, he glared at her half-heartedly and would have responded with a witty remark, had it not been for the loud and ‘musical’ cry coming from the garden entrance.

“PETEY!”

Their heads turned sharply, all of them looking at the approaching woman in fear. Her hair was a blindingly bright shade of pink and her eyes were a sickening mixture of purple and red. Caspian leapt out of his coffin, grabbing his tombstone as he did so. Afterall, it was made out of marble, they were rather hard to come by normally. He began to run for the other exit, stopping when he realized the others weren’t following. “Are you all insane?! It’s another Mary-Sue!”

Edmund was the first to react, he ran after Caspian with quickness none of them knew he possessed. “Good luck Pete!”

Susan and Lucy nodded their agreement and bounded after their brother and friend. “We’ll be praying for you!”

Peter tried to back away from the inclosing woman, but tripped over Caspian’s coffin; landing in a tangled heap on the ground. He let out a very un-kingly shriek when a pair of unnaturally coloured eyes peered at him from over the coffin. “Back away from me, cretin!”

“But Petey-Wetey! I’m your one, true love!” She began fluttering her eyelashes. “You look stressed, High King. How about I help you relax…?”

“No-No!” He tried scrambling backwards, but she merely leapt over the coffin, landing behind him. He looked up at her in fear, a grin spread across her full, pink lips and he let out an unearthly scream when she grabbed the collar of his shirt. “NOOOO!”
---

I need help seeing how I can tweek it, because the beginning seems iffy and I received a review on fanfiction.net stating that it was 'the textbook definition of asinine'.

Yeah, kinda put a dampener on my previously cheery mood.
T3T

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#2
Old 05-18-2008, 12:35 AM

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Old 05-25-2008, 03:19 AM

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