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clevernamepending
Dead Account Holder
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04-21-2007, 08:35 PM
Right, this sort of just popped into my head, so, I wrote it. Enjoy. And, please, feel free to comment, good or bad.
I’m not real. That’s what they tell me. With their white coats and clip boards, they deny my existence. They tell me I’m a figment of somebody else’s imagination.
Wait. Let’s back up. My name is Lauren. I’m 17 years old. My parents are divorced. This happened because Dad was abusive. He was real bad when she finally left him. I was 11 when that finally happened, I haven’t seen him since. I’m okay with that. I have a little brother. Cory. He’s seven right now. My Mom works real hard to take care of both of us. She really wants me to go to college, but, I dunno. I’m dating this guy, Jeremy. I have been for two years. He’s two years older then me, too. Based on that alone for a while Mom used to hate him, not she likes him well enough.
But, despite having a live, I’m not real. Or so those jerks with their clipboards tell me.
I still need to explain more, don’t I? I was in class, and, I was super stressed. The teacher says I sort of stumbled and fell, and, woke up crying and confused, saying my name was Katie.
In all fairness to the white coats, that IS my real name. But, when Mom and Dad split, I switched to Lauren. They’re convinced that Katie created me then and has been dormant all this time. I’m a voice in her head. I’m not. I swear I’m not. Split personalities know when they’re the fake, right? That’s what Jeremy said. HE believes that I’m real. He’s the only one, I think. They’ve only let me see him once. Fuckers. But, he’s on my side. At least somebody is.
That’s probably why they only let me see him the once, huh? Every one needs to be united in brining Katie back. They don’t get it. I tried to explain it to them. So many times. My name change was symbolic. I was starting over. Moving on. I refused to be weak and helpless another day in my life. I was going to be a new person. I re-invented myself. I cut my hair, got as much of a new wardrobe as I could managed, pierced my ears, changed my name. I wanted that shit-head Father of mine to know that I’d never let him push me around again.
The clipboard told me I hadn’t re-invented myself, I had just invented myself to cope. Or, Katie had invented me, rather. I asked clipboard to tell me, then, where Katie had been for the last six years. She was dormant, apparently. Stressed, scared, so, she hit and invented me. They said she had surfaced now because this ideal person for her had failed. I got stressed and overwhelmed. I broke.
Ideal person? Me? No. I’ve never been my own ideal. I just wanted to be stronger. So, I got stronger. Apparently, that isn’t how it works. So now they’re trying to coax this chicken shit Katie out of me. Should I be feeling another person inside of me? Trying to clap her way out? I keep looking inside of myself. For another girl with my eyes, my nose, my jaw, my forehead, but, she won’t show herself to me, either.
Still, they insist I’m not real. I, I used to be certain, they were wrong. I was real. But, if someone tells you something with enough conviction enough times, you start to really wonder. I’ve finally agreed to let them put my on medication. I’m scared…
It’s been a year. I haven’t vanished. I’m not trapped in Katie’s subventions, I’ve been poked, prodded, tested and medicated this last year constantly. I’ve lived in this psychological facility for the last year. They’re apologizing now. They’re so sorry, they miss-diagnosed me, I can go now. I’m cured. It was just an episode. I’m cured. Fixed.
How can I be? I’m still here. I don’t actually exist. Jeremy hugs me, tells me he’s so happy those doctors came to their senses. I don’t know what he means,. How can I? I’m just a character of some sick girls creation to hide behind. I’m not real, she can write me to seem to think and feel, but, I’m just a figment within her mind. I shouldn’t be. But, here I am. With false dealings and fake thoughts. With real people hugging me. They’re glad I’m back. That I’m better. I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t be here. I need to vanish so Katie, the real person, can live. I’m going to kill myself. Katie will take over once I’m done. Drowning. I’ll drown myself. I’ll jump into the lake, I’ll die. So, she can live.
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Eri
Dead Account Holder
n/a
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04-23-2007, 10:02 PM
Neat concept, although there's sort of this snap with the narrator from her being convinced that she's real and then that she may not be. Maybe put another paragraph in there to make the transition more smooth?
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CrinkledStraw
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04-25-2007, 04:40 AM
Quote:
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They tell me I’m a figment of somebody else’s imagination.
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This is a really interesting concept, and I like the choppy feel of some of the paragraphs/sentences. It seems to reinforce the idea that these are the thoughts of a stressed/disturbed person.
<3
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Temmon
(っ◕‿◕)&...
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04-25-2007, 08:15 PM
:3 That was interesting. Reminded me of some of the stuff that I've written, kind of. >.<
Amusing thing, my name's Katie and my sister is Lauren, so that was kind of a giggle point for me, although unintentional. xD
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clevernamepending
Dead Account Holder
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04-25-2007, 09:13 PM
Choppy has always come easily to me X3, but, yeah, thank you all. I just sort of got the idea in my head and ran with it. And that's kind of creepy Temmon. Are you sure you're both real, and not just figments of the others imagination? (twilight zone music).
And Eri, I found the same thing, but I'm not quite sure what to do about that.
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Temmon
(っ◕‿◕)&...
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04-25-2007, 09:18 PM
Quote:
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Originally Posted by clevernamepending
Choppy has always come easily to me X3, but, yeah, thank you all. I just sort of got the idea in my head and ran with it. And that's kind of creepy Temmon. Are you sure you're both real, and not just figments of the others imagination? (twilight zone music).
And Eri, I found the same thing, but I'm not quite sure what to do about that.
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I'm pretty sure that we're both real. :o But we are really similar.
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DeniedUltraSex
Dead Account Holder
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04-27-2007, 01:17 AM
The concept is so cool!~
I just don't like the spelling errors.
If you don't mind that, then it's pretty cool. ;D
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Envy
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05-05-2007, 01:01 AM
Ooh la laaaa~ <3.
Very nice. I'll be looking forward to your next posts.
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The Mouse
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05-07-2007, 03:34 AM
Refreshing!! You definitely have a gift, and I'm glad you like to use it. Personally, I like the fact that it's choppy (referring to a previous comment). It seems fitting for a first-person story that's told by a young girl who's scrutinizing her existence. I think you could take this story even further, going even deeper into Lauren's confusion and finding the real heart of her uncertainty, but what's here is good. Keep it up!
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clevernamepending
Dead Account Holder
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05-08-2007, 12:22 AM
*Curtsey* Thank you all so much.
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Blaidd_Tywyll
(-.-)zzZ
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05-08-2007, 02:33 AM
I like the 'snap' between her determination that she is real and her qeustioning her own existance. I think that it's a good way to show the massive difference in mind set. I think that she might need to go through a bit more self examination before deciding to kill herself, but I'm curious as to where this will go.
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clevernamepending
Dead Account Holder
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05-10-2007, 02:56 AM
I was really worried about that snap, but, this is basically the extent of it. It's up to your imagination if she'll manage to kill herself or if she gets caugh, thrown back into the institution, and if that helps or not. That said, I make no promises that you won't see an extended version of this up here at a later point in time.
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