Ahhhh. I got to sleep in today without worrying about an alarm clock. I never feel my best on the days I have to wake up to an alarm clock.

@nonsense: She definitely knows how to play the game. I have never been the biggest fan of her stage identity, but if you see Gaga's more personal interviews, and where she's just playing the piano to enjoy herself...I think she's a good person underneath all that makeup.

I wish some of that 90s television would come back. Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross were so wholesome. Sure, you still see them around, but kids these days aren't going to get to see Mr. Rogers and have that good influence. I haven't seen any of that around for today's younger generation.

I hope they do for you, too. :) I understand what it is to have to do meds every day if you want to feel normal.

For sure, at least you've got some control, and a good outlook on it. Being optimistic is the most important thing.

@Otaku: Sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out for you.

One thing from today that is irking me is how I snapped at him once lately because of my hormones, I was just getting out of work and was tired, cranky, and a little stressed because of my school work I need to get done today.
He snaps a lot more during this time (over the past few) and turns into a major asshole, I usually have stress in my life, but when he's trying to quit, I won't let it get to me, cause me to snap and then snap at him. And even during times when I would be spastic from my stuff, I won't threaten to cut off communication with him. As much as I probably should so I don't let him get to me (but it would make it worse because I would be upset)
But yet, me snapping once on the way home from work by making a snide comment to him, he threatens to cut off communication with me after he bitches back at me.

I am not a happy camper right now to begin with because of my schoolwork. Yesterday was a brutal day with work, 2 classes till 9.30pm, my not feeling well and such, I forgot (it never crossed my mind) to send my professor for another class, my topic for research for an assignment due in a few weeks. I have to do that, apologise, let her know I was under stress yesterday being a long day and all that it didn't cross my mind. And I also have to do this assignment due tonight (which itself is a clusterfuck). I'm just out of it.

Maybe you guys should take a break from each other for a day or so. Not a break from the relationship, just a break in talking so that you can both cool down and get your shit together. Doesn't seem like communicating is helping you guys anyway.

Eh, he's already starting that by being an immature ass and ignoring me.

Well, then perhaps you should send him a message saying that if he's going to ignore you, you might as well not talk to each other for a couple days so that you can both have time to think?

I don't know. I'm just so tired, worn out and fed up with bullshit right now. I don't want to say anything to him because I don't think I'm in the mindset to do so. I think if I were to say anything to him, it would cause an argument that I just don't have the time or the patience to participate in.

I can't even concentrate on the assignment due in a few hours. I'm that worn out physically and mentally from everything.

It's wise of you to know not to say things in anger.

Well, turn off your phone, turn off your messengers, and get your work done. Then worry about it. It's what I do if I'm in a bad position with a lot of shit to do.

The problem is, I can't stop worrying about it. Even with my phone and messengers off, I still think of it.

---------- Post added 09-20-2012 at 08:20 PM ----------

And all this crap started today with me making 1 comment with 1 word in a bitchy way. And he just flips out and turns into an angry asshole.

I know you can't stop worrying about it, but doing those things would stop you from being given anything new to worry about. :)

That's what trying to quit does to a person.

It's breaking me down to the point I'm about to just say fuck it all and quit school.
I can't keep doing this to myself. I don't know if I can keep up with school. This is just horrible right now. I can't even send him a message telling him how I really feel right now because he won't talk to me because I'm freaking out and he can't handle it, etc.
It's making me feel like I'm unimportant to him and that I just want to go insane on something.

Ser. School is good for you, what he does to you sometimes is not. Out of those two, school is not what you should give up on.

I'm not telling you to up and drop Mike for nothing, but out of the two things you think you need to choose between...school is really important. You're following a dream with school, don't ever ever ever give up on it for anything.

Tell him what you think, anyway. Leave him a message, or send him a text, but tell him. This is the modern era. You don't have to remain silent just because he won't pick up the damn phone like a ninny.

I'm overwhelmed with everything here. I have fallen behind in my classes. I can't keep up with things. I don't know if I could keep up.

To make it worse, I found out he's smoking again. I sent him a message that it's ok, I know he will quit sometime and that I feel like it's all my fault he couldn't quit.

>.> It's for sure not your fault he couldn't quit.

Are you overwhelmed because Mike has been causing you trouble, or are you overwhelmed on your own?

LonelyOtaku97 - I'm sorry about your relationship. Hopefully some good comes out of stepping out of the dating scene for awhile. Maybe more time to concentrate on other things?

Elysium - I don't know much about her other than her surprising fluency in musical theory. She's definetely figured out how to work the music scene, maybe she should teach a psychology class?

It's cable I tell you! Cable.

Thank x3. I'm just glad to be functional.

I don't know whether to post this reply in the extended discussion. D: I sort of... well, it's six pages.

Serena - Elysium put it better than I could, turning off your phone and messengers. Mike's still going to be on your mind but at least new arguements and spats wouldn't happen. You wouldn't be able to help him without first taking care of your own primary issues at hand and his insistant badgering only makes the situation worse for everyone. He doesn't have to reply to your messages, but you can at least push what you're feeling towards him.

@Ely: It's a mixture of myself, and outside things. I got behind in my school work because of stuff going on in my life and because I wasn't feeling good. This assignment (like a few other things) also weren't done some nights because he was the way he is acting now or was a few weeks ago. And I got myself worked up. I also slacked from my own doing because I'm overwhelmed with school, and work. I do feel kind of responsible for him smoking still. I'm not the greatest girlfriend apparently.

@nonsense: The problem is he was in such a bad mood because of the withdrawl symptoms, he didn't care that I am overwhelmed, stressed and such. All he cared about was himself, keeping off cigarettes and getting angry. And wanting to be the centre of attention. Without the nicotine, he is unable to rationally realise that I am allowed moments where I am stressed and worried about my schoolwork and such.

I'm worn out from everything with school.

@nonsense: Oh my. You could put the reply in a spoiler bar, perhaps?

But anyway, I think Gaga just got lucky. As did every other insane music artist on the scene today.

It is definitely cable. The kids networks out there today are pretty much disgusting...wouldn't want my kids watching a lot of modern day t.v.

@Ser: Since when is his pre-disposed depression induced smoking habit your fault? Honest to god I would have dumped Mike the second time he did that shit to me. You have been with him for what five? six? years? You're obviously not a bad girlfriend.

Everyone has trouble when they start something this big, Ser. It's only your second or third week. You've got plenty of time to get back on your feet and whoop this thing. You can and will do it.

Because apparently I'm not always there for him for whatever reason.

I'm around people who seem to have things situated and aren't behind, are able to manage their time and such. And me, I'm not, I'm always behind, never ahead. I dunno, I just don't have much faith in being able to continue in school. I have to come up with the money to pay off my semester because my aid didn't cover it all.

If you've been together for five six years that's a relationship with a lot of history behind it. He needs to realize that his selfish attitude is eroding all that you two have worked for. We all make mistakes, we all act stupid, and there's always things each of us have a problem with and will have a problem with. His might be selfishness. I suppose the question is whether or not he can realize the selfish actions he is making and work towards combatting that problem. Hopefully he realizes and understands that you are a individual who has responsabilities, struggles, and problems outside of his that you have to take care of.

Elysium - But... I already removed four pages.

A lot of artists do. Some snag a lucky break and ride on the wings of luck and fame. Others get a lucky opportunity and make a lot of it.

I'm serious thinking about avoiding the entire "children" phenomon. We're not having problems with low birth rates like China, Japan, or most of Europe.

I assure you that the people who look like they have their shit together are just better at hiding that they are actually just as frazzled as you. You can do this, Ser.

Well, are you usually there for him? Is it a 99% thing, where he only sees the 1%?

Actually I just ended a relationship much like the one you and Mike had. Me and this guy did good at first then we started fighting and I couldn't handle it so I started to fall behind and finally ended it because of all the stress with him and school. I was also having some friend troubles but that straightened itself out.
@Ely: He could be not seeing the whole picture.

@nonsense: Whatever you post, I'll read, lol.

China has low birth rates? I thought they had astronomical birth rates, thus the 1 child law.

I have never been a big children kinda person. If I have children it will be several years down the road, and I will have thought long and hard about it.

---------- Post added 09-20-2012 at 07:30 PM ----------

@Otaku: Yeah, he doesn't seem to do that often.

I doubt he is seeing the entire picture and is mainly focused on one little thing, blowing it up... Like always.
Is it not important to him that I get my work done and finish school? I get it, you had years where I was home for extended periods of time, or was at school with easy work. So I can understand being upset then. But, now I'm working a much more demanding job while I'm at school, and also going to school and have a full course load of GRADUATE work. And this is my first semester here. and I'm pretty much by myself here.
I don't freaking get it.


Edit: @Ely: Yeah, things are changing in Asia (and China) where more women are able to have access to school and careers and they're focusing on getting their careers set up before considering children (my roommate for example, is from China, is in school here for her Master's. I don't see her having a family for at least another few years or so)
Anyway, many women are waiting later, or forgoing having kids.
In some parts of Japan, there are fears of not keeping up with the population and having a decline.
Yeah, China used to have an overpopulation problem till the Communists (I forget which one... Maybe Mao) instated the 1child rule over 30 years ago

I think you just explained it, Ser. He's used to you having infinite time for him, and now you don't. He's either going to have to start respecting that while he is close to it, your life does not revolve totally around him.

Men just enjoy upsetting us I swear its like a bad habit they can't break.
@Ely: Yeah she's got to much going on right now and if anything they can still have date nights.

China could deal with a slight decline in population, tbh. I am ecstatic to hear that women are gaining more rights there.

I knew Japan was having population issues. They, too, are another highly overpopulated country that shouldn't worry so much about it. I imagine that their population will level out and simply maintain its numbers instead of growing at some point.

The world's population itself is supposed to stop growing at around 9 billion.