Originally Posted by crazymuch

we already took all of his presents away, DD and told him he had to be beyond good to get those back tomorrow, which he has already done so he will. what do you think I should do Desi? I don't want to ruin Christmas just to teach him a lesson, but I also don't want to anger my parents by "caving in".

I honestly think that you should do something in the middle. Taking away presents will just cause him to get upset. If this was my child I would give them to him maybe a day or two late or ask him to write an apology everyday and everyday he gets a present back.

what do you think I should do Poet??

they do Silver! just because it's middle school doesn't mean they can expect him to "follow the rules of being a middle school student" ... I WILL put him in a different school if I have to!

Originally Posted by crazymuch

I just want to cry I just don't know what to do ... my sister thinks we could put a couple small things in his stocking with a letter from Santa saying he knows how hard Gavin has tried, but with what happened Tuesday he just can't get his other Santa's gifts and good luck next year ... I don't know about that. that still feels too mean.

I have paypal... it might be a few days late, but I could send you some money... tell him Santa is helping the kids from the school shooting and will be by on New Years...

btw congrats Shania583 for winning page 15 page prize!

Originally Posted by dessertdesiert

I honestly think that you should do something in the middle. Taking away presents will just cause him to get upset. If this was my child I would give them to him maybe a day or two late or ask him to write an apology everyday and everyday he gets a present back.

oh yeah, he's had all sorts of apology stuff to write up since he got suspended from school. I've even did some at home school type stuff so he hasn't been having a free pass. He worked harder and did more with me than he would have had to if he was at school, making me tell him that if he had behaved he wouldn't have had to have me for his teacher. he has gone above and beyond his normal chores and helping people and being so polite ...

it's silly. the rest of us are still getting Santa gifts in our stockings and stuff. I just don't want to spoil Christmas off the bat with him having an empty stocking. it's what he deserves, I know, but I'm just so tender hearted towards him.

I won? Oh lol I didn't even notice lol Thank you though :)

Crazy if you don't want to give the gifts from Santa then maybe just give a small one with the note and then give the rest to him from yourself.

Yes would you like gold or a common from the event store?

Originally Posted by maidenroseheart

I have paypal... it might be a few days late, but I could send you some money... tell him Santa is helping the kids from the school shooting and will be by on New Years...

aw, that is sweet! we have already shopped for Santa. right now it's sorta figured out that those little gifts will end up being from the Easter Bunny instead.

I just hate to think of how it might hurt him ... it might not phase him at all, I just don't know.

I haven't looked at the store yet so gold would be better thank you :)

I hope it all works out for you Crazy

Originally Posted by Shania583

I won? Oh lol I didn't even notice lol Thank you though :)

Crazy if you don't want to give the gifts from Santa then maybe just give a small one with the note and then give the rest to him from yourself.

congrats on the page prize! ... yeah, I like the idea of giving a small one with a note, I'm probably just putting too much thought into it all.

It's always your decision, but I do not think you should take his Christmas away from him.
Christmas and your birthday are the two joys that every kid should have, regardless of what happens the rest of the year.

Had he hit to cop in April, would you still be taking his gifts away?

good golly it's taking forever to earn gold!

Originally Posted by crazymuch

it's Gavin's first year in this school. I'm already in constant contact with them because they thought they could "handle" my son because they have had other Autism kids in the past. they have been learning from the begining that he isn't like those kids, he's his own kid. but still, they can't just let a guy hit a cop, you know? I only wish they had realized what was happening quicker so they could have stopped it, you know?

---------- Post added 12-23-2012 at 10:25 PM ----------

yes, Jean, he does. with his Asperger's being 12 doesn't mean much. on a lot of things it's more like he's 5, on others maybe 10.

I don't know much about Asperger's.
That's got to be hard for him. Taking ALL of it away seems pretty harsh.

@ Crazy - I'm not really sure. I do know that it is very important to "learn the autistic person's world", as each one if different. Most people don't have the patience for that though unfortunately.

LOL since when did middle schoolers follow rules? I got made fun of for doing that...

Also... did you tell them he has a fear of cops? If you did they should have gotten a teacher or something to watch him instead =.=
Though I think I actually read somewhere once that autistic people have trouble with authority sometimes. I know I had a lot of trouble dealing with people who had authority.

Originally Posted by crazymuch

aw, that is sweet! we have already shopped for Santa. right now it's sorta figured out that those little gifts will end up being from the Easter Bunny instead.

I just hate to think of how it might hurt him ... it might not phase him at all, I just don't know.

Do what you think is best. You are the parent. If he is an introvert, it might hurt him deeply. If he is an extrovert, it might be the only way you get through to him.

It's not taking his gifts from us away. it's taking his gifts and stocking stuffers from Santa away. and you are right. if this had happened months ago, I probably wouldn't even be thinking about it.

I think you should give him most of the gifts, but explain to him that if this happens again, that it won't matter if he tries to behave at the last minute.

It's the holidays! There should be forgiveness, and he learned his lesson. It's not caving in at all if the boy has tried to behave and correct his ways. Wasn't completely his fault, afterall.

he randomly got his fear of police over this past summer and I'm not sure why.

... actually, now that I think about it ... he got his fear of cops when my friend shot herself fall before last ... I think in his mind he thinks the police have something to do with Tanya being dead ... that tears at my heart!

... not to mention thinking about her ... long story there ...

---------- Post added 12-23-2012 at 10:43 PM ----------

exactly Asca.

I agree with just reducing the number of gifts. Just save them for his birthday later on so he'll still get them eventually.
It'd be a horrible day for him if he got nothing at all while everyone else opened gifts

---------- Post added 12-23-2012 at 10:44 PM ----------

@ Question... are the police at the school armed? That might be the reason... not fear of cops but a fear or maybe even a hatred of guns

Originally Posted by crazymuch

he randomly got his fear of police over this past summer and I'm not sure why.

... actually, now that I think about it ... he got his fear of cops when my friend shot herself fall before last ... I think in his mind he thinks the police have something to do with Tanya being dead ... that tears at my heart!

... not to mention thinking about her ... long story there ...

---------- Post added 12-23-2012 at 10:43 PM ----------

exactly Asca.

oh wow, that is really sad

I just wish the school he's going to was more patient ... his main teacher has learned to be, but the vice-principle still hasn't figured it out, I don't think. and he's getting a different teacher when we come back from winter break, so I don't know ... I'm pretty scared about the whole thing ...

'rubs neck' oi vey it aches'.. oh and YAY christmas eve

My ex-husband has Aspergers. No matter how many times he tried to change, it was hard for him.
Every time he talked to a cop, he would throw up.

Originally Posted by crazymuch

I just wish the school he's going to was more patient ... his main teacher has learned to be, but the vice-principle still hasn't figured it out, I don't think. and he's getting a different teacher when we come back from winter break, so I don't know ... I'm pretty scared about the whole thing ...

Can he handle change?

the time before last that the cop was brought in Gavin became hysterical and convinced the cop was going to kill him!! I can't remember off the top of my head if the cop was armed ... he did say though that if Gavin had tried to hit him again he was going to hose my son's face with pepper spray!

---------- Post added 12-23-2012 at 10:48 PM ----------

oh my Silver! poor guy!

sometimes Gavin handles change, and sometimes he doesn't. I mean, the whole melt-down was because he wanted to go back to his science class where he was looking into microscopes instead of being in his math class doing something he wasn't comfortable with.