*LOLs at Zuu's last post*
I was spanked ^^' A lot >.> Until my mom understood it didn't make me any smarter >.>'' But it has it's pro [or maybe a con?]: 9 years since the last time I was spanked, and only once I talked back, and very very rarely I dissobeyed her in that time >.> Let me tell you, I don't plan on disobeying the biggest authority and most loved one for me ever again 8D;
About the food thing: I'm lucky to have a mom and dad who cook everything. What if I didn't like the soup/main course/salad/juice? "Just eat your plate, don't let it be wasted" and hell, now, unless I know what I'm leaving on the plate will be eaten by someone else who is hungry, I either don't pick the dish or leave it empty. I think it's one of the reasons why I like to eat everything ['cept succini D:< I discovered its existence a year ago and it wasn't good >.<].
About "letting my anger out in a creative way": Being terrible is being terrible, not creative [unless you're using cheese o.o]. I'm only creative when I draw, and when I was little, I liked to draw on the walls >o> What did mom do? "This is a sponge. You're going to help mommy by doing this and that" ^^' So, it depends on the child. I know most of the time it's the male kids that don't get it by words and need the more explicit way of telling them what they're doing ISH WRONG.

PS: Sorry for the Wall-o-text ^^'

No no, wall o text is good! And I'm liking all the ideas coming up here. :)

It is rather nice. And I am glad my post got LOLs.

I think that you should be able to control a child without having to resort to physical violence.

My brother and I were never spanked when growing up, and we are incredibly good kids... we don't drink, we hardly argue with each other and almost never with our parents, we don't stay out late, we do our homework, we don't do drugs...as kids, we weren't destructive or poorly-behaved.

I think it's a matter of parenting. If you honestly can't control children without having to hurt them, then that's an issue on the part of the parents.

I also think that a close emotional relationship between parents and children is necessary when raising kids, which is something that most parents destroy either through creating an association between themselves and pain, or themselves and criticism.

You can limit children without violence!

I can't send my son into his room because he'll feel alone and unloved if I tell him to go there and don't go with him.

Honestly, I think you're wrong about this. You sound like a great mother (I've heard you talk about your child on multiple posts) and I'm sure your son knows you love him - it's not riding on something so trivial! If your son associates doing something bad with being alone, and that's a terrible thing to him, then you should let him make that association! Think of it this way... if he reaches high school, and he associates doing bad things with being alone, then when people tell him to do bad things in order to make friends, he won't fall for that.
If rebelling = getting hurt in his mind, that's one thing, but if rebelling = being alone then the promise of friends won't tempt him because he'll know that if he gets caught, he won't get to hang out with any of those friends!

Febreze brings up many good points- I was sent to my room a lot as a kid myself. However, I have always been at least somewhat rebellious. I drink (yes underage) but know and fear the consequences of having sex and doing drugs. I think in most cases, I think a little pain (not a lot mind you- not beating the kid at every given opportunity) is beneficial to a good parent/child relationship to establish a little fear of authority.

Jeez, another "I wasn't spanked and I am a good kid."...
THE REASON YOU WEREN'T SPANKED WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE A GOOD KID!
Have a punishment chart!
Don't do something stupid like "Didn't clean your room? SPANK!" "Stayed up past bed time? SPANK!"
It's more like "Causing a giant fit and trying to burn down the house! SPANK!"
If something like that happened your not going to say "Well just... GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Your going to say "SPANK!".


But I agree with the second part of what you said

Bahaha I wasn't spanked by such things XD I always had a half-an-hour session of talking with mom with things like these... but when I made the VHS fall: "I told you not to climb up there again, and now you didn't only climb again, but broke the VHS too!" [spank!]. Next time, it was a telescope: "You clamb again and made another thing fall!" [spank!]. The next time I used a chair and didn't touch anything though >o>;;
About the association thing: It. Depends. On. The. Child. You never know what's going on in peoples minds, including your child. The kid could either associate bad things→loneliness, or could associate being busted→loneliness. I started by associating being caught→spank, so what did I do? I always climbed [and fell >.>] when no one seemed to be around. Then the third time I learned I just couldn't beat my mom so... attempting→dangerous o.o''

PS: Bahaha now I'm dying to ask this guy in my class who is neurotic and hyperactive how was he treated when he was a child xD But I just know he would call me insane rather than tell me ^^''

Originally Posted by Febreze

Honestly, I think you're wrong about this. You sound like a great mother (I've heard you talk about your child on multiple posts) and I'm sure your son knows you love him - it's not riding on something so trivial! If your son associates doing something bad with being alone, and that's a terrible thing to him, then you should let him make that association! Think of it this way... if he reaches high school, and he associates doing bad things with being alone, then when people tell him to do bad things in order to make friends, he won't fall for that.
If rebelling = getting hurt in his mind, that's one thing, but if rebelling = being alone then the promise of friends won't tempt him because he'll know that if he gets caught, he won't get to hang out with any of those friends!

This actually makes a lot of sense and I never really saw it that way before. I'm new to this whole parenting thing anyway. But there are TIMES when you can't force them to be alone. Like when they're with you in the store and you can't just tell them we're going to leave because you have to get groceries and if they're doing something dangerous... (like standing up in the seat of the car {yes I know there are straps, but my son manages to wriggle out of them no matter how tight we pull them} to the point he could fall out... there are TIMES when voilence should be the answer. Like i said... it doesn't have to be for all children. But I know my son. And i know what works to get him to behave. After he gets a bit older the alone thing will probably work better... but he's so little right now that he doesn't know all the rules and until I teach them to him he's not going to know them. His father (my ex husband) basically lets him run around and do whatever he wants to when he's over there while my ex is playing video games or asleep. It frustrates the ever living hell outta me because he's gotten sick so many times because he's eaten something he wasn't supposed to over at his place. (Like even half a package of Oreos all by himself...) :sweat:

Sorry... didn't mean to rant...

But seriously. I don't know how your mother did it. There are so many situations where that would just endanger your child if you left them alone. What would she have done if either of you started biting eachother or other people? *shruggs* I'm a pacifist... but when raising children I just don't see a way to be completely non-violent about it...

Yeah...you can't be a pacifist with children. I agree with Feyona.

Also- with the thing about your son- Maybe don't send him to his room and walk to the other end of the house, you know? Be nearby; just not there next to him. Like a room over or something. If he calls out to you, and doesn't sound physically hurt, just upset, ignore him. It's what my mom did. I'd cry and yell and scream for her and eventually just wear myself out and more often than not fall asleep. And Mom was always nearby; usually in the kitchen, which was just down the hall from my room. It taught me that what I did was bad and led to this treatment, and so I avoided doing it again. Unfortunately I have terrible memory and I'm horribly stubborn, and would usually end up doing it again anyway. ha!

Maybe it would put you at ease if you had say...one of those playpens they put babies in? You could put him in there and read a book nearby. If he knocked it over or hurt himself, you'd be right there and could keep an eye on him, all the while giving him the punishment he needs.

Also, about the grocery store thing: My grandmother, who had me more often than not at this age, had pretty much taught me to be good. However, there was one time I was a little sleep-deprived and cranky and she got zucchini I believe and I threw a FIT. She was so embarrassed, but didn't do anything until we go back to her house. However, she did give me a good swat and a few firm, angry words. This was back in like...92 so no one really gave her a second look, mind you, but it worked, and when we got back home, you better believe I was sent to 'my' bedroom and not allowed ice cream or to watch TV for the rest of the day. (But I buttered her up by being cute and got ice cream anyway. Good ol Gammy.) But at the same time, I never threw fit in the grocery store again.

Whether or not this taught me to bottle up my feelings? That's a different story. ;)

Originally Posted by Zuu

Jeez, another "I wasn't spanked and I am a good kid."...
THE REASON YOU WEREN'T SPANKED WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE A GOOD KID!

No child is ever perfect. When I was young, I used to throw temper tantrums in stores if I didn't get whatever I wanted (yes, the annoying kind where you wonder why on earth the parent doesn't just smack the child). My mom always took me out of the store and explained to me why I couldn't have it until I calmed down. She never once spanked me.

When I was about 6 the temper tantrums stopped because it finally sunk in that I wasn't allowed to have whatever I wanted. And when I was about 12 I stopped asking for things most of the time because I didn't want to spend my mom's money.

I know throwing a temper tantrum isn't equal to burning down the house, I'm just trying to say that the kids who weren't spanked and turned out all right weren't all perfect angels. Things aren't usually that black and white anyway.

I'm not too worried about him hurting himself if it weren't for the fact that he's learned how to climb and he LOVES it... which isn't ususual because I used to always be up in the trees or in the highest place I could find... even if it was a swing. (more proof that i'm like a cat? =^.^= ) His room is actually the safest and cleanest room in his house there isn't anything in there that is "not suitable for children under 3" but his room connects directly to the living room and even if i'm sitting on the couch (which is right next to the door and if he peeks out beyond the gate he can see me) he makes a fuss if I put him in there without going in. Well we recently put a night light in his room too and he likes to turn it on and off and pull it out of it's socket and leave it on the floor so he could easily step on it and break the bulb. *sighs* so much to think about with him. But his room IS relatively safe it's just the climbing thing... i'm always afraid he's going to fall... :sweat:

Originally Posted by juniper_silver

No child is ever perfect. When I was young, I used to throw temper tantrums in stores if I didn't get whatever I wanted (yes, the annoying kind where you wonder why on earth the parent doesn't just smack the child). My mom always took me out of the store and explained to me why I couldn't have it until I calmed down. She never once spanked me.

When I was about 6 the temper tantrums stopped because it finally sunk in that I wasn't allowed to have whatever I wanted. And when I was about 12 I stopped asking for things most of the time because I didn't want to spend my mom's money.

This right here is why I agree with the spanking method. Yeah, you might have turned out all right. But you take longer to develop. I stopped throwing trantrums when I was 3 or 4. The method may work "just fine" but it takes longer for the child to develop than it would if you drew the line where they could understand it when they could understand it.

Originally Posted by juniper_silver

No child is ever perfect. When I was young, I used to throw temper tantrums in stores if I didn't get whatever I wanted (yes, the annoying kind where you wonder why on earth the parent doesn't just smack the child). My mom always took me out of the store and explained to me why I couldn't have it until I calmed down. She never once spanked me.

When I was about 6 the temper tantrums stopped because it finally sunk in that I wasn't allowed to have whatever I wanted. And when I was about 12 I stopped asking for things most of the time because I didn't want to spend my mom's money.

I know throwing a temper tantrum isn't equal to burning down the house, I'm just trying to say that the kids who weren't spanked and turned out all right weren't all perfect angels. Things aren't usually that black and white anyway.

Never said they were.

This right here is why I agree with the spanking method. Yeah, you might have turned out all right. But you take longer to develop. I stopped throwing trantrums when I was 3 or 4. The method may work "just fine" but it takes longer for the child to develop than it would if you drew the line where they could understand it when they could understand it.

Agreed ^



OKAY HERE ARE MY FINAL THOUGHTS THEN I AM DONE!!

If you weren't'/were spanked and you turned out alright, good for you!

It all depends on the kid. AND SOME KIDS NEED TO BE SPANKED.

If you didn't CONGRATS.

I know I did.

"And I turned out fine duur."

Wow he sounds like a regular ball of energy! LOL Have fun with him!

I'm sure your disciplinary methods are working just fine; I was just telling you what worked with me. :)

He sounds so adorable- be careful with that nightlight though! ouch!

Bahaha I remember I used to ask mom for toys and the like, and cry when she wouldn't, so she would say: "Shhh don't worry, mommy can't buy this toy because she doesn't have money right now, but tomorrow she will". Do you know how good is a kid's memory? xD Usually, if I were asked a couple of hours after, I wouldn't have remembered being in the market ^^;;
But ONE DAY, I threw a fit in the supermarket, and she just couldn't calm me down. I even threw myself on the floor on my back [very dangerous >.>] so, my mom decided to just walk away. I inmediatly stood up and followed her, and even stopped the whole show: I wasn't letting my only source of attention, food and transportation leave me in a strange place xD

PS: Wow Feyona you sound like you really love being a mother, congratulations! x)

I really do love being a mother. When I was 18 I decided I wanted kids. I wasn't READY for them by any means. I wanted to find someone to love and watch over me and my family. (I'm a traditionalist and am rather happy playing the role of housewife even though I work.) Parenthood came as an accident and conception happened when I was 21. I had been mentally preparing myself for three years but hadn't even thought about emotionally preparing myself until I got told, tears streaming down my face, at three in the morning that I was expecting a child after I had thrown up three times in the middle of my night shift at wal-mart. I thought it was just stress and me getting sick... but by that time I was almost in my 2nd month of conception and I had already broke up with the guy who had gotten me pregnant. Both of our parents expected us to get married and we did. And he was happy and I wasn't. So after all the crap I went through bending over backwards hoping he would recipricate....and he never did... I filed for a divorce.

I'm much happier now. I've met someone new and he takes care of us (my son and I) the way I've always wanted someone to take care of me and my children. I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with him. I hope he feels the same way but sometimes I wonder on the single fact that he hasn't proposed yet. We've talked about marriage but that makes me laugh now just because I've talked about marriage with at least 3 or 4 other boyfriends and I only ended up getting once and that was to someone who was supposed to be a one-night stand. Which was more like a reverse shotgun wedding really. Me being all unsure and my parents "joking" about painting a shotgun white for me. T.T But yea. We've been together for almost two years and somedays i'm all gung-ho about getting married because I really want to spend the rest of my life with him and others i'm actually avoiding the subject because i'm afraid he's going to change after we get married like my last husband did... *sighs* but yeah. Outside of all the other crap that's happening in my life...

I have the best son in the world... well maybe not the best... but he's my favorite person in the world and everytime I hear him say a new word or he says "momma" or i'm giving him goldfish crackers and he keeps saying "fish fish fish" it just makes my heart melt. I'm happy with every single little development step he takes and while i'm not looking forward to the "right before he starts walking stage" where I still have to carry him in a carseat and he weighs so much. I'm definately looking forward to when I get to repeat the process with my second child. ^.^

AW! <3

Thanks for sharing- I'm 18 myself and I haven't been able to stop thinking about getting married and having children. I wish you the best of luck with your significant other and your son.

Your son sounds so precious. ^_^ The fish thing made me 'aww' big time.

It makes me do it every time... and he LOVES them because it's like everytime we put him in his highchair he ALWAYS asks for them... >.< I'm gonna try teaching him the "I love the fishes cause they're so deliscious" song. He really loves singing too. He's already trying to sing his alphabet and twinkle twinkle little star. ^.^

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT THIS THREAD IS HERE!

I come from a Russian/Spanish household. I have a Russian father and a Spanish mother( Mom's from South America). And I people was a little terror. No room was safe. If I entered a room it was torn to bits, destroyed and all around demolished. And I was punished severely for it. I was never hit with a switch or made to bleed or bruised up. But my mother would spank the living daylights out of me. My mother spanked me well into my middle school years (Like I said I was a little terror). I believe I turned out for the better. A little insane like the person who started this said but for the better. No joke I could be a whole lot worse.

And NOW. All of a sudden its illegal to spank your kid in the state I live in. Excuse me what? Since when the hell is it illegal to discipline your kid? Your own child can even call DSS and tell them if you've been spanking them. HOW MUCH CRAP IS THAT? I think its absolutely ridiculous. I see these young mothers in the grocery stores with two or three kids relatively around the same age right? And the two older ones that walk with her are yelling and kicking each other while the one in the cart is screaming. The younger one I can understand. They're still like one or two. The other two. OMG I'd grab their little arms and whisper to them that if they didn't be quite I would pop them so hard they'd WANT to be quite.

And that's not bad. You don't bruise a child from popping them one good time! You bruise them by excessive beating. I don't believe in excessive beating. I don't believe in beating a child with an object. (Well belts excluded. I was sometimes spanked with a belt. Never life or physically threatening just spanked) I don't think someone who's easily angered should be the one to do the disciplining. I've realized there's always one parent who's always easily angered. Never let them discipline your child. I however and all for spanking and disciplining my child and think its a bunch of CROCK that its illegal in my state. Stupid politicians trying to look good. *grumbles*

I don't think spanking is a good idea. How would you feel if every time you did something wrong at work, your boss punched you in your stomach?

I was far from a good kid. Very far. But, my parents never spanked me. Instead, they found alternative punishments. (I always hated when they unplugged my cable, took away my VCR and Nintendo, and locked up all my toys.)

@ Justin : I'm not EXTREMELY OLD but when I was young it was cooler to be outside and stuff. My parents never threatened to take away my toys or cable. Because that cable was also theirs. LOL And as for SNES, I hardly ever played it. If they threatened me with anything like that it was to ground me from playing with my friends. But even then my friends would come over and see me and that never really worked.

But what about a strongwilled child? I mean what do you with the child if you take away their satelittle(now) their wii(360 or whatever the hell they'll come up with next) or blu ray dvd player? What do you do then? I mean what if they tear up rooms looking for their stuff. *true question, my cousin's 5 yr old did this looking for his wii and they don't spank him*

Shadow- I went outside a lot, too. My parents limited that when I was bad. Gave me like, thirty minutes a day to be outside, and only in the frontyard.

If a child is extremely strong willed like that, a spanking isn't going to change anything. Shrinks have a job for a reason.

That's expensive though. I should know. That's going to be my profession lol. I feel bad but its expensive. I don't know I see spanking as a good thing but then again its a matter of opinion.

And I think you could try and tell the kid to stop you know. Like stop one time. and a second but if a third time doesn't stop them. Pop em. It doesn't scar them or bruise them. Just lets them know you're serious. *shrugs*

Shadow- I have a friend who's parents believe that hitting children is okay. Whenever he does anything bad, he gets slapped. He has a strong will, however, so whenever he gets hit, he just does whatever got him in trouble again.

Justin- now that...that's just stupid. LOL it doesn't work for all kids. I'll agree with you there that it doesn't work with some kids. Like your friend...who I don't understand would want to do whatever it was that got him slapped in the first place again. But oook. But it works with some kids. Like me. *shrugs* its all up to the kid and parents I guess.

Shadow- He does it again to prove to his parents that a slap doesn't work. Whenever my mom does a punishment I severely disagree with, I just do whatever it was again too.

Or when somebody tells me not to do something, "Because they said so."