Originally Posted by Loveslust

I have to say this, because it's guys like this, that make the rest of us look bad. Seriously...."I wanna go bang other chicks". Really dude? How freaking pathetic can you get? Be a man and step up. It's your responsibility, your duty. Deal with it like a man. Be a father to your daughter, and stop being such a douche-bag. And grow up and drop your nut-sack, and be a husband to your wife. Treat her with some freaking respect. A pizza joint? And your trying to support a family? Come on man, grow the f**k up. Gahhhh!! People like that piss me off. /rant.

Anyway, I'm glad to see that you took the initiative and took steps to prepare yourself and went through the necessary steps with him in the event he decided he wants to take the f**k off. I hope you didn't sugar-coat it, he needs that slap in the face. Wish you the best of luck, and YOU GO GIRL! :P

Hahahaha!!! I like you, Lovelust!

Lol I like Loveslust too, he's a cool dude, not many guys are willing to say stuff like that.

Yep :-) I'd definitely agree

:D Why thank you. xD. I felt it needed to be said, and since I'm a guy, and am completely disgusted with what this guy is doing, I feel it needed to be said by a guy. It sickens me that today's society almost condones and facilitates this kind of behavior for young-ish adults. It's pathetic that a lot of guys seems to have the need to screw everything in sight, but if they just so happen to make a bad decision, they take off. Not take responsibility for what they have said or done. I do believe this goes both ways though, one of my good friends from high school, his girlfriend had a kid and SHE took off. And left him with the kid, poor guy. Lol, and thanks again! :P

You are right, Loveslust. It does go both ways. I too have seen girls doing the taking off bit. Either way around, I still think it's sad, and I wish that a lot of people would learn to grow up and take responsibility for their actions.

Not sure if you've resolved this yet or what you've decided, but I'll throw in my two cents to help you if I can.

If you haven't already, it's serious ultimatum time. And you need to be strong about this. No ifs, ands, or buts. You have a child, and you're married now. There are no excuses for how he's behaving. Are you still in love with him? Is he worth all the pain and hardship he's cost you? Do you truly feel he cares about you, and does he support you? Has he been consistent? If you answer no to all of these questions, I'm of the opinion you should not even bother to try and salvage your relationship.

But if you answer yes... the ultimatum. And it must be harsh. You've gotta talk to him about EVERYTHING, how serious the situation really is, and what will happen if he can't or refuses to comply.

If he truly wants to stay with you and be with your daughter, he MUST:

Start filling out applications to better paying jobs.
Sell all the new shit he's been buying.
Put more effort into helping you.

etc., etc.

If not, leave him. You're life is going to be hard, no doubt... but if you have yourself, and family, and friends to fall back on when you need them, you'll be okay. You seem like a strong lady, especially so for even being able to post the subject in the first place.

I've seen a couple of the posts since then, and it looks like the guy's a real scumbag, and it isn't going to work out between you two. I'm sorry that he put you through so much trouble, but at least he gave you a daughter. c:

Well everyone, I'm not gonna get into the gory details of it, but after a massive blow out last night and me just finally having enough I can honestly say that I think he just came home late for the last time, mostly because I'm just done caring what he does. I'm talking to a lawyer on Monday, and i'll go from there.

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To quote a song by one of my favorite underground bands form my state. "Safe to Say" by Dinner and a Suit

"Is it safe to say, I always thought it would end this way. Be careful what you wish for, and don't you change your mind. Perfection has it's price. Sometimes turning around is the right thing, even though it isn't easy. Call it what it is. We forget but don't forgive. Substitute the truth for an good excuse. Whatever gets you through. Sometimes turning around is the right thing, even though it isn't easy. We're always watching inside the window. If we don't leave now we'll never go. Scared of what I bring back to life. Seeing you this way tonight. Scared what I, bring back to life. Feeling that I have died. Sometime turning around is the right thing, even though it isn't easy."

You got to remember, he is 21 and both of you are not mentally mature yet. Mental maturity comes are 25-26. I think you jumped because you got pregnant and both of you wanted to do the right thing. Which is good. You both showed responsibility for your actions. Now where does the road take you? Do you love him? Can people change? Is he opened to talking about things? You really got to sit down and talk with him before you pull out the big guns and ending a marriage. Right now, issues can be worked on. Things can be smoothed. You got a little one and you have work. If you are over stressed with a divorce then the baby will pick up on it. My sister did when my mom and dad got divorced. You are a team now and he's gunna have to do some growing up. Work out a sch. Ok, maybe this day and this day he can stay up and play games. Just talk right now and figure out whats the best route.

We've been talking. We've been going to councilling. We've been doing just about everything, and in the end what it all comes down to is that he's flat out admitted he just doesn't even want to try to change because he doesn't feel like he should have to. We were talking about it a little more tonight and the direct quote of what he said that made me end the conversation and walk away before I got pissed this time was

I'm sorry! I just don't know what more I can do. I like playing video games! I like smoking pot! I don't want to give them up. I wish you didn't make me feel like shit for wanting to be a normal 21 year old guy. It's not my fault I had a kid when I didn't want to be a dad yet.

It's not my fault I had a kid when I didn't want to be a dad yet.

WHAT?! Actually, it is half his fault! It's not like you can make a baby on his own! And you did ask him if he was SURE he wanted to marry you.

I even told him back then that if he wasn't absolutely 100% sure that it was what he wanted, that we wouldn't do it. He pleaded and assured me that it was.

>.< Ah! Men like this give other guys a bad name. Most 21 year old men I know dont smoke pot; because then they can't even get a job. And he needs to man up and be a dad to your baby. I'd have walked out before I got pissed if he said that too. You go girl. Leave him. Your kid doesn't need a dead-beat dad like him.

I agree. And the pot smoking is actually a huge part of why I'm thinking it's time to just be done. I don't care if people do it, I used to back in college, but quit when I moved home. It's a personal lifestyle choice and ethically aside from it being illegal I don't think it's inherently wrong, it's just that I really hate that he does it because of the fact that it makes him so stupid and useless when it comes to helping out with the baby, and also the fact that it is illegal scares the hell out of me. I don't let him have anything in the house, but I can't be there all the time, so I don't have control over what he does when I'm not there. I mean what if someone were to find out and call the cops on him if he did do it in the house while I'm at work? We would risk loosing our daughter, and I can never, ever let that happen! She is the most important thing in the whole world to me. Nothing has ever mattered in my life the way she does, and I'd do anything, ANYTHING to make sure I can keep her healthy happy and safe in my arms.

LEAVE that asshole. He's "sick of only getting to fuck one person"? Wtf, that's what a committed relationship involves. Or did he miss that somewhere? I hate this guy, and I haven't even met him. Leave him, OP. Do what's best for you and your daughter, because he is clearly not ready to commit to you. You deserve better.

I am sorry to hear that you are going thru a very difficult time right now. It is very hard being a parent, and now the thought of being a single parent is even scarier. You are a strong woman and you know what you have to do. Your little one needs you and could use her daddy too. Unfortintally he doesnt feel the same way. Let him walk darling, let him walk. He is only causing you and your daughter greif, stress and holding you back. There is more out there, I am sure you and your daughter will make the journay together just fine and well find out the true meaning of family, friends and God.

Originally Posted by BlackSwan317

but I just can't justify letting him walk all over me like that. At the same time, I do want him in my daughters life, but I don't want him to hurt her the way my own father did me by only being there when it was convenient for him.

T_T enough said right there girlie! :hug:

beware: i am blunt and don't sugar coat shit.

how is any of what he is saying fair to you? and who made him god and let him decide that the creation of your baby is all your fault and now solely your responsibility?...
and what about you? why can't you have freedom too then?! he sounds like a real piece of shit if you ask me. tell him to go. and move on.

wow. and all the begging and pleading that he wanted the same things as you when you two found out you were pregnant? my boyfriend did the same thing to get into a relationship with me, and now all of a sudden changed his mind. that's a real trust breaker.

it isn't about you waiting around for him. you need to do what you feel is right at the moment and stick to it. you also need to do what will keep you sane and happy. and to be honest, waiting around for your "husband" who made vows and promises to you to be there for you even when things got messy just isn't going to keep you sane. especially when you are working long hours while he's out there possibly between the legs of the next poor girl!

as for you little angel, surround yourself with your friends and family. she's bound to set her sights on a good fatherly figure, whether it be your father or a really close best male friend. she'll be okay, as long as you smother her in love. hehe.

also, once she gets old enough you can explain the situation to her. if he's still in her life, tell her he didn't like mommy anymore. if he's not tell her exactly what he told you and make her realize he left not because he didn't want her but because he was too immature and selfish to know what the difference between right and wrong is.


gaah i hope this helped even a little bit. sorry if some of the things i said were harsh. :hug:

if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me anytime. and i'll respond as soon as i can!

Originally Posted by Runes

You got to remember, he is 21 and both of you are not mentally mature yet.

this statement is bullshit. my father turned twenty two the day i was born. yes we share the same birthday.. so there is not not much of a difference in age from how old my father was and how old your "husband" is. that's the thing with todays young adults. they're all about instant gratification versus working hard to be awarded with something good. and that' is just what he is doing. Dx

my father worked hard for my mom and i while i was a baby. he sacrificed a lot and he says he never had a doubt in his mind about where he wanted to be. that's what you need to search for girl. he's out there.

Just one last update for everyone, then I think we can call this thread pretty much done. I've begun talking to a lawyer about leaving him, and what it will entail. I also talked to my landlord, who is willing to return half the security deposit to me personally after the divorce since he understands this was not my fault and I simply can't sustain the place on my own, well I could, but I don't want to be there anymore, not with it only having memories of a failed attempt at false happiness. Also, my best gay friend and I are looking at places in Pittsburgh, which is where I've wanted to move back to for a long time. I trust my friend completely and he is wonderful around my daughter, so I know that with his help she and I can start a new happy life without my husband. In the mean time I am still continuing to try to go to the councilling and talk to him just to see if there is any hope that it could be saved, but it does look like everything is just done now. Thank you all again for your help and advice.

I'm going to go ahead and lock this up for you Blackswan since you seem to have things under control, just drop me a pm if you want it re opened in the future. Take care ;)