What do you have to rub on your skin to avoid getting to hose again??

Pizza

Question: what's the gingerbread man's hipster girlfriend made of?

Answer: lipstick, vaseline and alcohol.

Question: What should you never mix together?

Answer: Five golden swords, four copper helms, three leather belts, two wooden shields, and an American prince's coronet

Question: what should you never wear after labour day?

Answer: Mexican jumping beans.

Question: Why did the chili cross the road?

Answer: Go the heck to sleep.

Question: what's the best thing to do when life hands you lemons?

Answer: a close shave.

Question: What did Sweeney Todd give his landlady for Christmas?

Answer: Purple lemon drops.

Question: what does Barney's poop look like?

Answer: monkey business

Question: What kind of business do they do at the zoo?

Answer: Almond milk

Question: what do you get from almond cows?

Answer: no eye deer

QuestionWhat do you call a buck born blind?

Answer: Squirrel Nutkin

Question: what's got a hazelnut in every bite?

Answer: three blind mice.

Who did the cat take home from the Halloween party?

Because the rabbit dyed.

Question: why did they stop using litmus animals in pregnancy testing?

Answer: rubber balls.

When pokey kicked gumby in the sac why did he start bouncing?
First base, second base third base, home, around these bases we will roam.

Question: what did Han Solo's camp brother sing when they invaded Darth Vader's stronghold? ��

Answer: three sheets to the wind.

Question: What is the name of the coming-of-age novel about three sibling sheets, leaving the abusive bed they grew up on and going on a journey of self-discovery?

Answer: The knocking in the attic, accompanied by a slight odor of fish.

Question: how can you tell when grandma's awake?

Answer: the butler did it.

Why is the table glued to the ceiling?

The red plastic bag

Question: who has won the Barbadian calypso monarch competition a record ten times?

Answer: thirty seven oranges ��

Question: What did the camel bring to the horse after the lion passed away?

Answer: the largest backpack you have ever seen

Question: what did Rihanna trade Chris Brown in for?

Answer: no, its a puppet ��

Question: is that your girlfriend?

Answer: Don't worry, it is supposed to do that.

Question: So uh that pair of headphones keeps flying around the room and not letting me listen to the music

Answer: It was saved in a flash drive that got dropped into the ocean

Questions: Where did we save that nuclear missile code?

Answer: The goat ate it, I swear!