I don't want so much a critique as a...did you like it or how did it make you feel? I'm not in a good mood to be critiqued at the moment. xDDD;;;

Persecuted

Look at you now
Standing in the mirror
Your reflection peering back at you
Staring you down
Who will stand there the longest?

One side of you is pretty
You’re thin
You’re the kind of girl
That can do what she wants
Have what she wants
Hold hands with whom she wants
The kind of girl that won’t be
Persecuted.

She can get a girl
Kiss her
Hold her
Love her
Be with her

She’s not to pale
She’s not too fat
She’s not too sad
She’s never too lonely
She’s never too odd
She’s perfect

Look at me now
Standing in the mirror
My perfect reflection taunting me
Staring me down
Who will stand there the longest?

I’m not pretty
I am not thin
I am not the kind of girl
That can do what she wants
Have what she wants
Hold hands with the girl she wants
I’m the kind of girl that will be
Persecuted.

I can’t get a girl
I can’t kiss her
I can’t hold her
I can’t love her
I can’t be with her

I’m too pale
I’m too fat
I’m too sad
I’m too lonely
I’m too odd
I’m not perfect.

Who will stand here the longest?
Why I will.
Because that perfect girl doesn’t exist
She is not me.
She never will be.
I may be me
But no on appreciates me
That girl is an illusion
A fantasy

I’m doomed to be sad.
I’m doomed to be lonely.
I’m doomed to Persecuted.


Perfection

Can you define perfection?
Can you tell me what is perfect?
Can you tell me how does one achieve perfection?
Can you tell me when we can become perfect?
Can you tell me where can gain perfection?
Can you tell me who is perfect?
Can you tell me why we need to accomplish that which is perfection?
Practice makes perfect.
Perfection is flawless.
There is no such thing as perfect
Nobody is perfect.
And yet;
Being perfect is being you.
Perfection is achieved at the moment of birth.
Everybody is perfect.
Perfection is gained within your own mind.
We become truly perfect only when we have accepted ourselves as such.
There is no need to accomplish, that which has already been completed;
Only the need to realize it.
In somebody’s eyes we are perfect.
Only for them are we flawless.
Only. To. Them.




The One With No End

Where has it gone?
My happy ending,
Has it vanished off Midgard?
Into Hel, forever wandering
Within her dark corridors?

Where has it gone?
My happy ending,
Will I never have my love?
Standing before me,
Arms open wide,
Wiping the tears from my eyes?

Where has it gone?
My happy ending,
Was it too timid to stand with me?
Afraid of the close minded peoples?
Did they take one too many shots at it?
Was it hiding behind me when they all
Stabbed me in the back with their hatred?

Where has it gone?
My happy ending,
Maybe I was getting too desperate?
Did I wish for it one too many times?
Am I not fit enough for a happy ending?
Is my torture not yet over?
Must I endure more?
No more please…

Where has it gone…?
My…happy ending…
Has it gone with you…?
When you left my life…?
How will I ever get it back,
From a forbidden romance?
We’ll only get hurt…but I’m scared.
Where have you gone?
Have you moved on?

Where has it gone…
Please…my happy ending…
Where I held your hand in mine…
Where we kissed so sweetly for the first time…
The night in my mind where we held each other,
Ever so tightly, ever so sweaty, but ever so in love…
The people look on at us, cursing us for various things…
But you’ll protect me, you said you would, right…?
Or is that too now gone with my ending?
I want to be with you but…it’s hopeless…
I once was told that it would be ok in the end…
And if it’s not ok…it’s not the end…
So where does that leave me…?
Will I be the only person to roam Midgard,
Without an ending, and if so will it never be ok?
I am lost…I am scared…an outcast, a blemish on society…


I am the one with no End…

Wow, thanks for making me feel even more depressed and emo about my love life than I usually am >.>

anyway, I love these ^^ they're cute but sad, quite sad. I like how you repeat certain parts of verses, it makes it flow better. Also, what is Midgard? xP

xDDD; Sorry. I have a few actually lighter tone poems...where they are, I have NO idea. o.o;

Midgard is the Norse word for Earth. If you've seen or know anything about Lord of the Rings, Midgard translates to Middle Earth, which is...Earth. xD

Oh xDD Well I read one of the LotR books...I think...>.> or almost read it, anyhow.

You should post anything else you have too, I'd like to read it ^^

Iiiiif, I can find some stuff. I have a lot on my deviantART account...on my one that I can't get on because my parents suck and got into it and changed the pass so I CAN'T LOG IN....and had to make a new account...

>.> I'll go searchin for some.

You betta, I want some nice poetry to read and critique...and I'm too lazy to look through other people's threads >.>;

that thing with your parents reminds me of when my parents printed out every single instant message I ever sent/recieved through AIM...it was like 100 pages worth of conversation :/ and it was creepy and completely makes me distrust my parents now.

anyway...haha yeah post more poems <3 i really like your style. inspired by anyone in particular?

My mom looked through all my convos before, I HATED that. She just can't mind her own business, and she had some one else online looking at ALL my sites to see what I was writing. >.<

Here's another poem for j00. This is the one everybody loves. o.o;

Our Eden of the Future

Innocent black moon
Tainted white skies
Corrupted dark angel
Telling beautiful lies

Our Eden of the future
All in your dreams
Oblivious to the outside
Deaf to their screams

Clouds run on gas
Blood red rain
Silver water
Pleasure in pain

Our Eden of the future
All in your dreams
Oblivious to the outside
Deaf to their screams

Delicious purple apple
Slithering silver snake
Tall gray trees
Deep bronze lake

Our Eden of the future
All in your dreams
Oblivious to the outside
Deaf to their screams

They’re there, they’re there
They’ve always been
They cry…and cry…
Damned for their sin

Our Eden of the future
All in your dreams
Oblivious to the outside
Deaf to their screams


Oh look, another!


Forever Bound

The animal shaped clouds,
A carousel in the sky,
Spinning changing shifting,
All in the blink of an eye.

Quiet crashing of the waves,
The ‘shhh’ lulling me to sleep,
I shut my eyes and reach out my hands,
I let myself be pulled into the watery deep.

Mermen and maids, swimming around,
Rainbow colored scales,
A whirlpool circling us,
But then my face pales.

The water has settled,
The colors fade,
And there waits the shark,
In the depths of the shade.

I try to swim away,
To fill my lungs with air,
But all that fills them is water,
It’s more than I can bear.

He swims closer to me,
I start to panic,
He’s chasing me now,
Deeper into the Atlantic.

I grow tired quickly,
My arms rest at their sides,
I float there aimlessly,
Listening in to the tides.

‘The tides?’ I question, sitting up straight,
I’m back on the beach, lying on the ground,
I get to my feet and look at the ocean,
Me and the ocean, ‘Forever Bound.’

Lawlz...I actually like the second one better than the first xP the one first one makes me trip up when I'm reading it in my mind...damn all your consecutive three-syllable words D: but haha I love both of them.

wanna critique one of my poems? xD [i'm so subtle aren't I?]

xDDD Sure, I'd love to critique some of yours. =3

Well, since you've so sporadically offered...xD

here's my favorite:
That Lonely Syllable.

This innocence is addled,
said he in satisfaction
as he probed, rather aggressively
the girl's sense of sexuality
as she lay there, waxing nostalgic
and rightfully so.

For she found this entire process
of hearts and heated hormones
as unlovely was was implied
by the curtness of that lie
that to her childhood was so sweet
and beautifully so.

That lonely, regal syllable
had been fully steeped in such
soaring, crushing fantasy that she
could not believe it could be
so unfulfillingly quick and yet
heartbreakingly slow.
-------------------------
And this one...I'm not quite sure it it's a poem, or something else. all I know is that it's really emo xDD
----------------------

Oh No, You Looked Away

I wrap myself in silken strands of sorrow
in shades that complement the highlights in my hair;
fondly fingering the violet tears in this red, red heart,
I ask, will this makeup make up for all that has gone wrong?

His guitar strings tug on my limp marionette limbs
and at converts, he makes me dance for him.
And at concerts, he makes me dance only for him.

These lovely, loveless lines make me ache so good
that I ask, can this set of songs set things right for me?
From day to night, from dull to dusk, the speakers speak so sweet to me
and the words drip, drip, drip like teardrops as I wait.
He said he'd come take me away in the quietest of sighs
but he did not warn that the world would prove so unbearably warm
that it would leave me neutralized.
So listlessly I lie here, to myself and in this bed
as this polka-dot headband whispers acid into my ears
that lead me eventually to conclude that I am stuck.
Stuck between a fresh flowery beginning and a skull-varnished, long-tarnished end.
These words on my face make it appear
as I've made something of myself, as if I'm
making my way to something, or to nothing
but that is itself a pathetic facade.
There is no path for me to take,
and so I fade away.

*jealous*

You got like crazy ass good imagery, especially in the second one (which could be a poem- free verse, open verse, whatever it's called).

Like I closed my eyes and saw it like...happening before me. Kinda like a music video would or something =D

Rad. and don't be jealous, I just have way too much free time on my hands. xD

I haven't written any poetry in a while though...my muse is lost D':

My muses all have like...shifts. I'm their partime job. xDD

Writing muse: Is actually kinda here right now
Reading Muse: GONE. >.> S/he was here over the summer then took off after school started.
Watching Muse: (youtube/anime/stuff) Kinda sharing the spot my writing muse is in...but not a lot.
Game Playing Muse: Won't go away, and I love it. xD Cause I'm playing Harvest Moon.


My mom has a website for writer's: hobgoblin.net. xD Her username's Unmused. I love it.

Haha, your mom's username is cute ^^ yeah, I have the same issue with my muses :/ i'm not really their job, more like their hobby.

My reading muse better come back so I can read Barack Obama's book Dx someone gave it to me for my birthday, and I started some of it, but I'm too..eh... to read the rest, even though I want to. 'Tis strange.
I've started penning a few songs as well...but the thing is I can't sing to save a cockroach's life, so it's sort of in vain.

Anyway...I should join that site aha. Though I don't have anything new to contribute thanks to my hibernating sense of creativity D:

xDD

Find some one that can sing and ask if you can write lyrics for them or something. I did that for one of my friends (haven't talked to her in ages though) But still. xD

My mom's site is like...an online muse. o.o There's a whole thing, not like...generators persay but things to help give inspiration and stuff.

Ooo. Well...my problem isn't inspiration-- I have lots of that-- but what exactly to do with it all xD

And eh...I'd feel weird if someone else was singing my lyrics. I'm not sure why.. :/

I wouldn't, I'd be like, "That's mai sowng =D Lololololol"

That's why I want a girlfriend that's musically talented. xD It'd be awesome if she wrote songs about me, and if I could write songs for her.

xD That would be pretty awesome.

Today my science teacher brought in his guitar and he was playing us some songs from his band...it really makes me want to learn to play the guitar...and to sing. xP Bleh well at least I can impress people with my way with words.

By the way, any luck yet on the girlfriend front? I'm only wondering because my love life is like dead...it's mostly been stalking people around school and wishing they were single/not straight. ...[/lame]

xD Actuallyyyyyy...

Last night this girl was texting me, saying she was my 'secret admirer'. And was doing this whole: I'll give you a hint every morning thing, since I didn't know who it was. But I cheated, asking all my other friends if they knew the phone number. xD So I know who now. She's two years younger than me, which I don't like so much but...it'll be good experience. My first not long distance girlfriend, it's pretty cool. xD Even cooler that she had a crush on meeeeeeee~ That like /never/ happens.

OMG, luckyyy ^^ congrats darling. It's needless to say I'm jealous xP Hope you two are happy ^^

uh guys, please keep lit spot stuff on topic. If you wish to converse randomly please make a hangout thread in the menewsha Nations. (:

Oops sorry. o.o *blames Queenie*

I got another poem in here some where... *digs around*

>.> Sorrryyy D: But I found another poem I wrote a while ago...no idea what it's called however:

biting back,
not fighting back--
the words speak for themselves but you do not
as your mind stumbles over speeches delivered
by the greatest:
MLK, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela
nonviolently vicious
chewing at stitches
lapping openly at the sore.
but they were giants, towering
so high you could not
look them in the eyes
singing so loud and proud your thoughts
slink back up your tongue to the cave
where they were born and bred.
there is no point to speak, for there is no point to hear--
what's to be said has been said
and in the resulting thinking's stead
is but sullen talk of the glittery and infamous.
You have these things
that need to be screamed
that need to be whispered
that need to be known
but yet you're alone
and the crowd hesitates to group around you;
for you have these things to say,
and they need to be said today;
it is important, and that is frightening.

man i love these i wish i could write somthing like that but i dont have the talent. i have writen some but there not nearly that good