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SeaSaltEyes
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Old 05-06-2015, 01:18 AM

This is an excerpt from the first chapter on my YA novel "Chasing Jess". I would appreciate any helpful critiques and I will definitely repay the favor if you have something you need to be critiqued!

Clouds drooped in the pastel sky and I rolled my window up as a distant rumbling of thunder reached my car. I stopped at the corner of East and Cherry, waving a pack of dogs and their human through the cross walk. The clock on my dashboard blinked 12:00 but I knew I was late. I accelerated steadily passing rows of century houses, tiny tot t-ball games and a church on every corner. I soaked in familiar sights I’d seen a thousand times but never appreciated.

When I pulled into Squirrel Park the lot was nearly empty. I parked next to a grey sedan and stepped out onto the cracking pavement. Savannah rushed toward me; face stern, jaw squared. I braced myself for emotional impact.

“Chase! Where have you been! You were supposed to be here,” she glanced at the jeweled clock face on her wrist, “12 minutes ago!”

“I know, Sav, sorry. My car wouldn’t start. Apparently that happens when you don’t drive it for a while.”

She sighed. The anger washed from her face, the fire extinguished from her eyes. “Okay, fair enough.” She lunged at me, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling my face into hers. “I’ve missed you so much! How was your trip? Tell me everything!”

We linked arms and traipsed through the crab grass and the dandelions until we reached the pavilion. The paint cracked on the stone pillars and years of disrepair ate a hole in the tin roof.

“It was awesome. But I’m so happy to be home. 12 states in three months…” I sprawled out on the splintered picnic table. “I’m never doing that again. At least, not with a little brother who screams song lyrics in your face every three minutes.” I mimicked my head-banging brother, dirty blonde bangs falling in front of my eyes.

“Well, tell me! My summer was so boring you wouldn’t even believe.” She rolled her eyes and collapsed next to me, our loose hair mingling like a half-dry watercolor. “So, where’d you go first?”

“We just went to visit family, you know that. Honestly, it wasn’t that exciting.”
“Humor me, Chase. Please? I spent all summer lifeguarding at the pool. This town is so lame!”

I looked into her grey eyes and smiled. “I missed you, Sav, so much. Can we just not talk about my trip right now? I’m so drained.”

She reached over and interlocked her fingers with mine, rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. Savannah Hamil was my best friend. In seventh grade, when my father died, she was the only person in school who didn’t make fun of me when I ran out into the hall with tear streaked eyes. The next year, she was the only one who didn’t tell me it was a “just a phase” or “rebellion” when I came out of the closet. My first year of high school she was the only girl to ask me to Homecoming. She held me as I cried to my father’s tombstone, bandaged my wrists when the pain ripped through me with an old pair of scissors, covered for me when I drank too much and stayed out too late. Monday we’d start our sixth year of friendship and our last year of high school. On the rickety table, staring at the storm clouds through the hole in the roof, I couldn’t imagine anything changing.

 


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