Dissasociation

The floor seems to fall from my feet,
Maybe the ground was never there,
I stare downwards as I sink,
My vision statics,
Noises grow louder than before,
I sit pondering in an empty classroom,
Almost as if no one else exists,
Footsteps all around,
Footsteps on the ground so surreal,
Ignoring how I feel,
My anger bottled and for sale,
All sales fail,
I am left to drift,
Entangled in this sheer web,
My life so far too near.


What is to you isn't you to me, or is it true,
X does not equal X,
No longer can I lie,
Much longer must try,
Why should I cry,
No,
Your answer is subliminal,
Trivial,
Arial attack,
I slip,
But on nothing,
Everyday is a bad trip,
as if nothing was actualy something.


As if anything truely makes sense,
Look me in the eyes and say it to me,
The dullness in your eyes reveals the denseness of your robotic mind,
The wideness of my eyes reveals the longing to be free,
Where were you when the world was born,
When the world fell to pieces in front of our eyes,
When you could have sworn,
That their words were not lies.


Where was I when the ambulance came,
When I could have died,
When nothing would ever be the same,
When day after day I lied?
Where was I on the days that I was sober and alive,
When I should have been looking around,
When instead I held to my skin a knife,
As I wished I was the ground.

To the one person who will never read it.

So what is I message you telling you that I love you?
I also said that you don't give a shit about me.
Both statements are true,
it they wern't they'd be though,
over wish and gone,
not seeming so fucking wrong.
You won't see that fact that I love you,
untill you read my quoted song,
I didn't lable it because I know you knew,
it's the first song that you told me to listen to,
Man, if I had only knew.
That song fills the gap that you have pushed between us,
There's no need to cuss,
I'm not angry,
I'm not sad,
I'm not anything because I don't know what the fuck I am.
Thanks for everything, and thanks for nothing.
You won't even read this, will you?
You arn't even reading it right now!
Why?
I don't know.
Time takes people away.
Love keeps people together.
It's hard to love someone when they don't love you anymore.
Isn't it?
How would you feel if you were me?
Would you then see?
You would feel just the same way that I do,
isn't it true?
So fuck you.
You wouldn't be alive without me.
I wouldn't be alive without you.
Are we even now?
Is there even such thing as being even?
I don't want to be even.
I wan't to be acknowledged for who I am,
and for who I was to you.
Remember when she warned me?
She told me you were a ladie's man.
So fucking what?
I don't care what people say you are,
and I didn't care way back then.
It's been such a long time.
And time only grows longer.
As my sadness spirals downwards.
And when I have no hope to think about,
I still have no hope.
You took that away from me.
You shot me in the head with a single bullet,
and you put away the gun and left me to die.
So now I close my eyes,
and I do look away.
I look away because I have to,
not because I want to.
I look away because If I look backwards, my whole life in undone.
I die again and again,
and no one even cares.
We live more than one life,
and I think the life that you connected with me is over.
I don't think, I know.
Thanks for nothing.
Thanks for everything that you never did,
you never said.
I wish you would thank me for what I HAVE said,
and what I HAVE done for you.

Dead trees on the ground,
Ferns and Moss only found,
Wild mint smell in the air,
All while the day stays fair.

Sometimes it seems like life points at you,
Shouts too loud and sounds too true,
You hear the words in your own voice,
Telling you that you need to make a choice.
Riddles written without code,
And then I take the wrong road,

Only in my mind,
While I'm wasting my time.
Thinking about the life that doesn't exist,
While trying not to punch the wall with my fist.

Songs bounce around inside of the walls,
around my brain untill they fall,
the walls fall down and my mind gets loose,
I lost it and my mind made itself a noose.
Catch my mind in a butterfly net,
Then I think I'll be all set,
No need to fret, no need to fear,
Fear everything that is so fucking near.

Last Thursday
I sat down
Upon the ground
whispering to a dandelion.

I made one wish
since I'm such a small fish
in this ocean of hate and love.
I whipered to the dandelion:
"I wish there was a place where I belong".

As I sat there is tears
I regret all of my missing years
I regret every move I make
every word I fake.

Later on that day
I sat waiting by the truck
no one gives a shit about what I have to say
no one gives a fuck.

Little Flying puffy dandelion seeds fly by
settleing in front of my face
It was a sign
to something I allways knew
that I allways know
but I had to make sure just in case.

I whispered my dandelion wishes:
"I wish there was a play where I belong".

And then I knew,
And know I know,
my place is one the streets,
exactly where I allready was,
sitting in my silent sadness,
waiting for my wish to come true.

As soon as you think that everythings gone,
That the thoughts have dissapeared,
You realize that you were wrong,
Just as you had feared,
Then you remember that you almost forgot,
And all the reasons why,
The feelings that you fought,
The ones that made you lie,
Then you regret regretting,
That you ever felt at all,
Wishing you could resume forgetting,
Stop your fall,
Maybe even turn back time,
Why did you even bother,
Approaching the table for the first time,
Wouldn't it have been for the better,
If you had been looked at like it was a crime,
But you did stand up and walk over,
And you did speak what you were thinking,
You did become mostly sober,
And as a result of it all you stopped sinking,
You found new motivation,
You stopped crying for awhile,
It seemed like salvation,
Now it's just a file,
Hidden away in your memories,
brought up occationaly by an appearance of some sort,
then suddenly flood by imaginary seas,
as all hopes abort.

Thus the cycle all over again,
sad to wonder where I was,
maybe I never was at all,
maybe this is just another dream,
maybe I will never awake,
maybe I never fell.
Your memory,
your memory holds twice burden,
some wouldn't even want to immagin.

Ah,
the truths.
The unintentionaly intentioned wounds.
Our scars,
the worst of all the so called un-tangable presents.
So tangable.
There is not abegining to these stories,
There will never be an end,
Only wearie hands to lend.

I was crying,
As must have you.
Different times,
different people,
same place in theory.
I was not I,
We were not you.
Neither one or the other was anywhere,
when the ambulances wailed their sirens,
when people said we should be dead,
when every day seemed the same,
seems the same,
when day after day we lied.

We were never sober
on the days that we were sober,
for we never knew what it was to live.
do I now?
do you know?
We bled,
we bleed,
in attempt to understand whatit meant
to be alive.
We,
I,
You,
are and am everything.
The sky,
the sun,
the stars,
the clouds,
the fish,
the water,
the walls around us.
Even the ground.

Something new. It's a song. No Fucking stealing my work, assholes that might be thinking about it!

She's not a spirit,
nor the time,
nor something from above.

She may not not know it,
but her eyes shine,
but She'll never love.

Piercing through your skull,
Ohhhhh the pain!
her eyes are lazer beams,
it's all the same!

She's dark and empty,
like this glass!
Her colors spread out at me,
How long can it last!?

She's a refelection,
of the world,
with it's blood red rain.

Take time to refect,
on the world,
using bright red ink.

The blood is raining down on me,
There's not a cloud in the sky,
The only conclusion is that it's she,
Raining down with every lie.
The Drops of crimson,
they look just like paint,
They stay hidden
in just one place.


and now I'm left standing in a bright red pool of rain.

Piercing through your skull,
Ohhhhh the pain!
her eyes are lazer beams,
it's all the same!

She's dark and empty,
like this glass!
Her colors spread out at me,
How long can it last!?

All the eyes are on the table,
all the sheep they seem to follow,
How long can you wallow,
even when there's no tomarrowwww...


What if the world was about to end, 9
and soon everyone is to be dead? 9
and What if you had just one more day, 9
to say everything you needed to say? 10
hey.

Would you cry and hide in your closet? 9
Would you get high and not give a shit?
would you lie and not tell anyone?
Or would you just die and say so long?!

All the eyes are on the table,
all the people,
they seem so shallowwww.
All the eyes are on the table,
all the people,
all the people,
all the people they seem so shallowwww.
shhhaaaalllloooowwwww...
shhhaaaalllloooowwwww........

What if it was only in your head, 9
and you made it all up instead? 9
and what if the world doesn't end,
to gives you the time to make ammends?

Would you die happy in your old age?
would you realize the whole world is a stage?
would you have your heavy mind lifted?
*whispers* or would you wish that the world had ended?