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d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#51
Old 01-19-2008, 06:16 AM

random

the unloved puppy

the unloved puppy, not beautiful, but not ugly. Kind, wand loyal, like all the perfect puppies are. But what is left is his affection, he doesn';t know, nor can show it. He wags his tail, but no barking, no sign of anything, emotionless from being unloved. He knows not the emotion, or thinks he does, but with the unloved thoughts, he longs and follows what he can, confused, left behind by all.

picking up the puppy, showing it the sweetest and even small bit of kindness is nice. It is perfect, the puppy, in some ways, and being kind to one so unloved is easy. But is when it demand attention, that the puppy should be moved away, ignored again, unloved again by the one who picked it up.

It confuses the poor puppy, for it is like lost hope, but he still stays loyal, hoping to be loved once again, not trying to find another, ever loyal to the first who did pick the puppy up.

What does the owner do though, the puppy wants stuff, wants just to be loved, but the owner can give nothing but kindness, not wanting the puppy to be loyal to her for all of eternity, but where does the puppy stop wanting her, she does not know.

The puppy wants more, always trying to move in a way to show it, but never barking in happiness, like a pet he is, does not use the actual voice, that can speak same as the owner.

Without the voice, he is nothing more than the puppy wanting to be loved, but doesn't understand the feeling fully, nor understand what it would mean for him and the owner.

d2hiriyuu
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#52
Old 01-21-2008, 09:12 PM

random

happiness

what is happiness, when all is gone
when all is gone, do the emotions matter
when you turn away, from the light
from the friends
and walk to the other side
to the darkness on the other side of the door
then push the door close
walking away,
shutting out all
fro the friends that you have
know you by what you were
the darkness on the other side
is what you want
you close the door, looking them away
exclusion from everyone
then what is left
happiness
or sadness
what is that
when there is nothing else to compare it to
all alone
without emotions
of any others
than is there emotions too

d2hiriyuu
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#53
Old 01-21-2008, 09:28 PM

67. corruption

corruption is me
I am corruption
it is little to nothing
I know the game
I have been corrupted
by the boys
when now it means nothing
when I can act without the emotion
then it is corruption
masking all that I am
I can give what one wants
but then snatch it if I think clearly
like a drug
corruption can overflow me
it is happiness
the want to continue
never stop but it is hard
when one purity, and one corrupted
they can't hold together
the purity will be blind
or turn into another
corrupted for all eternity
it is also
growing up
maturing
that is corruption
corruption of the innocent child
into the adult
it tainted the world
slowly
but never to
take over
because when all is corrupted
then the least is pure, so the corrupted
becomes pure
so toss oneself into a world
choose to be corrupted
so that one can mature
but the scared purity
will always be a child
held back
from society
with innocent hands
reaching for a corrupted one
who in kindness
will push the purity away
for in the corrupted's happiness
the purity will be loss
and then the game no more

d2hiriyuu
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#54
Old 01-21-2008, 09:52 PM

75. thin line of control

thin line of control
is what is happens when one is drunk
drunk on vodka
or on happiness
or emotion
I am drugged
there are times
when everything I hold dear
my reasoning
goes out the window
including my own emotions
that is when I should run
proof of my state
but the thin line is create
by distance
when all that is left is my mind
it is then
that I ban myself
from certain people
it is then that I have my own challenge
to make the thin line
bigger
I don't like the line so thin
it is why I ran
it is why I moved
and home is now not in at home
but home causes problems
it is then, that my stability weakens
when I shouldn't do
what I do
that line
can be broken
by many
but the few who have the power
also seem to snatch it away
breaking me
then leaving the line in pieces
cut on the floor
they choose
to walk away
letting someone else
come by
and help me tie the knot back together
it is then
are they part of the line
the savior
or part of the one who can break it?

d2hiriyuu
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#55
Old 01-21-2008, 10:03 PM

random

how to save a life

where did go wrong i lost a friend...

the music hears me well,seeping through me, connecting to my veins
it hurts, the pain imaginable
although I have not lost one, it is a thought
it is the thought
that I would hope
that one, or many
would miss my existence
if I died
it is scary
but there are times
in the darkness
that I wish it was all gone
now it sits
waiting to show
but it relies
on my unhappiness
my depression
to fully hit
when nothing matters
fun is no longer fun
events
just there
when one says
just think happy thoughts
it is not possible
like is just continual
i have my time
there are times
that voice means everything
I won't pick up anything
especially if not verbal
it is why I live
live to hear the voice
that I no longer hear
the voice that loves me
that keeps me alive
it is then, why should I live?

d2hiriyuu
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#56
Old 01-21-2008, 10:10 PM

random

how to save a life

it is in the piece alone, that I understand
that everything
is left
if I was hermit
I would be dead
it is then
that I cry out
I have learned
to not engulf myself in the emotion
but to talk
but it is then
that if I am ignored
i will be the friend one has lost
I am the one who lingers
who wants to disappear
it is the one that people should stay with me
I know that I am needy
but without it, where would I be
it is then that I have found needy is fine
it is in this need people are willing to help
but only in voice does one recognize the issue
just hiding will cause it to further hide
and in ignoring, it causes anger
it is in there
that blood is something of a fascination
it is then that one worries
that is what i hope
but if all is lost
then what is left
is the blood
in a pool
where I fell
for the last time
unable to be picked up

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#57
Old 01-21-2008, 10:18 PM

random

suppression

it is in these words
all of my drabbles that i feel my strongest emotions
in writing it is then and only then,that I can cry
cry as i type,unable to understand
what I have suppressed
to my knowledge or not
it is then that I remember how hard it is
to cage everything
to be myself
but then again
what can be left
with blood on my hands
and tears rolling down
as the suppression comes through the tears
eating at my very soul
at my existence
the things I talk about
little read
but those who do
I do not know
it is then,that I have learned to cry
cry when all is gone
cry silently
but it is then,that I wake up
with it all locked again
under control
and I continue to walk forward
suppressing it all again
in it's endless cycle

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#58
Old 01-22-2008, 06:23 AM

Ia m wondering at some point what people like more, I write many poems, semi past life stories,and many train of thought similar type poems, but end somewhere. This applies to both the random and listed items. There is a big difference I feel between them, and wondering people's preference to it.

I am quite random, but also, since no longer in the middle of drama, have a lot less emotional outflow that is strong in happy sense. I would say don't worry, but that is slightly a lie to myself.

In the end,want to know opinion of the drabbles I have done,and weather people like random or listed, and then stories, listed, metaphorical, poem like, or poems.

d2hiriyuu
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#59
Old 01-22-2008, 01:56 PM

random

home

Home is not a place, it is a feeling one gets when walking into a place. I currently have three homes it seems. One in Hawaii, one in Colorado and one in Illinois. One is my house with my parent, one is my uncle's place, and one is my campus. I say campus because it is more than my dorm room, as is the other two,more than just the building, but rather the city or the island. The campus includes of course the shops that my "family" visits. it is in this, that I have learned many of my friends are more family than my own parents.

In this, and watching as one of my friends is going to try and stay and live by the campus instead of going back and fort, it dawns on me how much more I consider her family, and that I hope I can always be there for her, for she is dealing with it all much harder than I did at the age of 14. i give her the best of luck, for her, it is the friends and her brother that creates the family, and while we all continue, she will be with us and be the one I now come back to, like the mother of the family waiting for her children to return to school so she can see them. But unlike a mother, we are there, leaning on her as much as I wish she is leaning on us. For without the leaning, and trying to stay on your own,while through the hard times, it will be a problem as she will end up falling, without realizing that her friends, her "family" will be there for her to support her and pick her up.

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#60
Old 01-22-2008, 02:17 PM

random

home part II

home for me is places I am familiar with, places, where, when i am feeling down,I can turn to, that will give me some sort of entertainment when all else is lost, places I can come in and say tadaima.

Places where, if I bleed, or say I am depressed, someone will hold my hand, and tell me it will all turn out better,and will listen to my ranting,that these days I keep inside.

Home has it's materials things too. a small library of books, both manga and regular fiction. Places with my stuffed animals, to make my sleep not a lonely one. Places with figurines, anime based, places with sketchbooks, places with my artwork, my accomplishments in art. Places with my computer and it's electronics, places where I can cook, but choose not to. Places with internet,so I can connect to my other people and my family that creates this place with my things my home. It is then, that I must also have projects, for without them, even in solitude, I am bored,for I want to work on something, all the time.

Home is where I am wanted, and where I want to be. For when I leave, it is nice to return home.

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#61
Old 01-23-2008, 03:50 AM

random

DDR

The music plays, the movement of the piece demanding the movement, even if I can't hit all the arrows, it is the movement that is nice, it is but a nice workout,and creates a nice warm room, even in the dead of winter. We all cheat, and switch out the controller, and the dance pad, but we all love it anyway, the very existence of the music, bringing people to.

We don't know how, but there are times, when all we get are great pieces, it is fun, and we all love it. The movement, the left and the right, and then again to the left. Like walking around the pad, and suddenly a jump.

Girls just want to have fun, it is amusing when the background is insane and amusing, the music video is great, so it was all great. cleared comes onto the screen, it is all fun. C and a B.

Xepher!!

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#62
Old 01-23-2008, 05:40 AM

random

to a certain someone:

please, just go away, go away from being at my side
it helps neither you nor me,
it keeps you tied, giving you hope
it allows me to lean on you
but then you test the boundary
like a kid
you push it
arm was odd
then all the way up
while you couldn't see
i wanted to kill you at the time
as I did, you are limited
yet you know not
I am wanting to disappear from you
to run away
like I have done in my mind
yet there you are, holding me
so can i run?

please leave me
I need you to
it isn't healthy
I need my world cleansed
for me to take the short end
to be the end, I live in a fake happiness
hiding from all feelings
for you take them on
as a burden
I want you to not
it doesn't help me cope with them
it doesn't allow you to understand
we will always be friends
but I need you to be cruel
it is out of your nature
but in reality, no one is pure
and nor can someone be that nice
stop trying to be a perfect being
for you are not
you don't know your own faults
accept them once you find them
that is all I ask you to do
so run away from me
or I will tear myself to shreds in front of your eyes, and leave you behind

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#63
Old 01-23-2008, 02:01 PM

please just don't remember me
please leave me by the curbside
and drive away
try not to brace me
be like everyone else
and let me lose sometimes
don't praise my existence
dot praise me
when I know I am trash
I know everything
I cry
because it is the truth
you don't want me
I will lose all emotions to you
and will hide everything else
my happiness will
all be fake
I will not show anything to you
as I did before
it isn't because I am always happy
but because that is what I want you to see
So in the end
I am but a false sense
void of my own emotions
So walkaway from me
and leave me behind
so I can continue living without you
without needing you
So I can grow, on my own

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#64
Old 01-23-2008, 06:24 PM

please let me run away
for if you won't leave me
then I will leave you
I am hurt enough
your help is hurting me more
so please
stop your love
and go back to kindness
because my kindness
caused love
but I don't want the love
I need friends
not a relationship
how can you not put that in your mind

please stop your thinking
stop seeing me as perfect
stop trying to be protective
saying that you are mine
and that I am yours
for you are not
it was one way
it was once the other way
but it was still then
one way
please stop telling people i am taken
it is more of I am not interested
stop holding me
or I will stop hugging you
drop my life with you
and ignore it all
run to girls
leave your existence
I am nice
apparently to nice
for this is what happens
you waited
waited the months that I was taken
till I wasn't
then told me online
give me the space I need
or I shall not return
I will go to another home
run away
how can you not get that
so let me leave

psyrien
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#65
Old 01-23-2008, 06:31 PM

*hugs you* Okay, yeah, that's not a happy drabble. Not happy at all. ...did you talk to him again or are these just residual feelings that got stirred up because you randomly started thinking about it?

I think I'll go write a response drabble before lunch.

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#66
Old 01-23-2008, 09:06 PM

residual feeling, I don't really talk to him much, like maybe a half hour max each night, bu yeah, thinking i should start not being on at all soon. But in the end, yes, not happy, actually I think I have almost a full page not happy, but whatever. Have fun in studio!!

psyrien
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#67
Old 01-23-2008, 10:11 PM

Well, residual is better than something new and crazy happening. That would be worse because if would just be something else, and there would be more residual feelings later. But yeah. Still not good.

I was just starting to write a response to your drabble when I scurried off to lunch. And I came back to find the mood completely gone because I'm too frazzled by studio (which really wouldn't have been that bad if I didn't fall asleep). >_@

...but I can move my desk by myself! I feel accomplished. xD ...it's not that it's super heavy; it's just that it's about our size. ^^;

d2hiriyuu
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#68
Old 01-24-2008, 06:30 AM

desk? what desk?

So after a long wait, it is good to see fai again, and vampire twins!!! I love this arch, though they have made the series to long. Also they are not quite the same story.

Anywya, yeah ramune, though I am really really tired, and should probably sleep, I don't wanna. But ahck, deaths everything so much blood and death.

Anyway, more drabble for me, but yeah, still try and write a response please, I wanna know it.

d2hiriyuu
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#69
Old 01-24-2008, 06:50 AM

please let me hide away
away into the darkness
away to the depths of literature
into the depths of my heart
let me stand a bit on my own
not holding my hand
not pulling onto me,
let me go
into my own path
I will return for you
so let me go
I will walk beside you
when the time comes
for when you choose to have your own path
to create your own
it is then
I will be standing next to you
watching you walk
and i will be next to you

till then
please let me go
let me walk on my own
with you not following my trail
go off on your own
so one day our paths can cross again
so that what is destined to happen
will happen
but it will be what you and what I will want
i shall not be there
at the paths meeting again
if you are not creating your path
instead you watch
sitting at the old cross way
not wanting to build on your own
watching as I walk away
you try and follow
but it is not your path
instead, when you want me most
you half take a step
out in your own
then watching as I appear to your side
like the promise I want to keep
but it is then
that you stay back
not thinking you will see me again
it is then, that you stay again
so please
go off
take your own step
leave me behind
and grow
for I have five years now
and almost a sixth
of my own path I can walk
so let me stay where i want to go
and stop following me
and walk your own
so please
jsut go away, and leave my side

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#70
Old 01-24-2008, 03:21 PM

random
art

what is wrong with traditional art? I am not the best at photoshop, i don't own it. but why is it that is all people want these days. I would love to be more of an artist, but all people want is the computer based stuff. tutorials are helpful, but not he best, class is semi dead, and not going to teach me what i want. so why then, is it, that people want me to be a computer savi person for art. I am computer literate, and know art, but they haven't mixed. that is due to lack of photoshop. But such is life for it is, is it worth striving for? I want to know? but then again, if I am questioning it, it probably isn't.

But such is why I am what I am, I do what i want, so let me try, for 5 days. to do everything I can.

d2hiriyuu
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#71
Old 01-24-2008, 05:36 PM

41. kiss

Sein wanted nothing more that to see hat it was like
but it wasn't until afterward that someone said she was a bad kisser. She didn't understand
All she ever heard about was good kissers, never the bad. This existence confused her. It wasn't until she cames to terms with it, that someone helped. It was then that she knew that this person could do what she wanted.
Helping her, she began to understand
exactly how little she knew
she became awake of the world
as if her box she was in
her surroundings became clear
like glass
and it was then
that she understood
he opened the veil for her
tainting her
on her own will
so it is then
that she became aware
that Sein became open
open to the only one she could
Enir
he had taught her that
and in the end
it is him
that became
her first kisser
not her old kisses
but becoming a brand new person
who could once again fly
after all the years
just standing on her own again
she had learn to fly
and how
just a small kiss
could have her fly again

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#72
Old 01-26-2008, 10:31 PM

random

torn friendship

how should I respond?
you want to do everything for me
but you don't understand
I don't want someone like that
live a life
away from me
I want a partnership
with only a bit of reliance
but then why
is it
that you don't get it
I am ignoring you
wanting to tear it to pieces
the friendship
I can't be nice anymore
but I can't be mean
it is like kicking the puppy
he does everything
including everything
against his nature

I can
and will now
shatter it all
crushing what was left
ever since i knew
since I saw the flaws
my reality is no more
my future
I want nothing to do with it
I want to live in the present
away from anyone

you will blame my X
Enir
for my thinking now
but it is now
that I see the flaws
in myself and him
my patience
like his understanding
I will leave him
everything i have left
i will let it all fade
like it did to those before me
but I have no need anymore
to even live in that confusion
you don't understand anymore
you knew what happened to everyone else
so why did you still pursue it
I will now leave
tearing it all to pieces
and leaving that behind
as i continue, to walk forward

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#73
Old 01-26-2008, 11:41 PM

random
torn friendship part 2

why did you ever
in all your time
try to be perfect
you tried to be no problem
for me
and in that
became it
it is then
that you started the tear
you actually stretched yourself
doing that
making you thinner
I stretched you too
pushing you to be
someone I found dear to me
I wanted a nice
forever friend

You interpreted differently
you wanted
a love
it was slow growing
as my friendship for you was too
but in your faults
I chose to never love you
it was your breaking
and you asking me
that caused the dream
to disappear
to cause the faults to show reality

It will tear us to pieces
tear the friendship
tear the love
that never was both ways
tear everything
the five years together
to pieces

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#74
Old 01-27-2008, 04:31 AM

random

scary

I hide I swear
running from it all
but it is then
that I am experiencing fear
fearing fear itself
is not as easy as it sounds
it is then
that I want to cower is fear
it is then
that I want it all gone
it all fears weird
it is then
that I want it all gone
it is then
I want my fatasy books
it is then
that I want nothing but a way to escape
fear for the sense of fear
why do people watch it.
The never ending fear
is why I want it gone
is what I want
let me gone
leave me
but why is this a social event
so why am I
avoiding it all
as in avoiding it all
I should just leave
let them all go away
let it be light
and let me run away
it isn't cute to watch me fear
it is just scary
so let it all go away
away from the darkness
so then
I can fade back to my impure light
without fear of nothing
but the horror of society
and all it's woes it brings

d2hiriyuu
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2042.03
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#75
Old 01-27-2008, 04:24 PM

46. my precious

my precious
you are the world to me
I want to please you
to be there for you
as you are for me
you let me hold you
you let me play
but you also understand when I wake up and leave
I return
I embrace you
my precious
I use you
for my own uses
but you don't mind
but you do get grumpy back
you don't live only for me
just as I don't live only for me
you like your space at times

You are not my only precious, but you like the others are special. It is then that I know I embrace people equal. I do not deserve love from my precious. Or not in exclusion. It is that alone, the reason I don't want to be loved back. If I am unable to commit, neither should they. It is then though that my precious, all of them, hold me dearly,but understand when I leave each individually for another, not jealous, for they know, that one day I will return to them, on my own time, with my own life, wanting to embrace, and be embraced once again.

 


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