Every day~

Every day I woke up,
washed my face, and ate breakfast;
Every day I waited patiently
for you to be ready.
Every time I woke up,
I never wondered why
Every day that I waited there,
I never wondered, why
Until the day,
when I woke up,
and the first thoughts going through my mind,
were "why?"
I got up, thoughts spilling helter-skelter throughout my mind,
and ate breakfast,
lost in my thoughts,
and while I waited outside for you in the car,
I leaned over and
blasted the horn.

I used to dance around the Graben,
The birds used to sing to me

I used to hug the random stranger,
and give love and friendship to any asking person.

I used to, but all good things must end
and it did.
And I did.

and I found myself surrounded on all sides by black-
black as the darkest night,
where all you can hear is the distant cackling of
some wild beast, plotting it's next destructive plan.

Dodging obstacles by hiding in shadows, when in the past,
I would have walzed up, and leapt over with a grace,
present in few others-

I closed myself off, a permanent
"gone fishing" sign
to ward off any daring hopefulls.

I hid, so long that when My shell finally broke,
the world was so much different,-
adapting wasn't hard,
it was accepting that came difficult

I don't know why

I dont know where this incapability came from
but it's here now, to stay.
I dont know where this inability came from,
but it too, has set up permanent residence
I dont know where the inspiration left too,
but it's gone now, to stay.
I dont know where my muse left too,
but it's "vacation" has turned into a permanent loss.
I dont know why i'm incapable of forming a complete sentence when you speak to me,
but it happens, and I cant stop it.
I dont know why I have this inability to speak clearly to your face,
but when I stutter, its not only once, but repeatedly.
I dont know why my insipiration left me, I need it so badly, I need to speak to you even worse.
My muse, oh dear muse, where have you gone, and why, why have you left me in such a dismal place as this sewer of a conscious of mine?
I don't know many things, many problems are left unsolved in my wake,
I don't know, but my confusion is here to stay.

I suppose

I suppose I could have stopped falling for him.
But when I really think back,
I had fallen, before I even noticed the rush of air,
and my swift descent.
I suppose I could have prevented her from falling for him,
but when I delve deep into my subconsious,
I never even realized her lingering glances,
nowhere on him was safe from her scrutiny.
I realize now, that I could have stopped these events,
but when I wonder why,
my head starts to hurt,
and I quickly let go of the that thread of thought,
spider silk, so strong, yet so delicate,
a nimble monkey swings delicately upwards,
towards the heavens,
and Apolo's Lyre

Scarred

This scar,
you see it?
No one else does.
I know why you can though.
you-
you left it here, last time we met up.
my heart, it twisted
in sheer agony.
the pain ripped through my body,
leaving an ugly scar, hidden from all
but those trained in how to see
beneath the hidden.

Death

I am death-
the destroyer of worlds,
breaker of vows.
untold,
unbroken, by love.
Love, the one challenger-
flaming torch,
passion melting the ice.
the unbreakable
broken promise

malice

The eye sees it,
mind registers it,
heart, deciphers it's truest form,
the soul, imprints it-
that,
is the reason the road
to happiness
is paved with tears of
malice,
mistrust,
and emotion,
a world deep

Child's Lament

This world
is so full of sorrow.
A child's shadows
echoing throughout the empty halls,
of eternity.
you just sit there, your eyes,
they look right at me,
when truly, you see only
what you want too.
you left me, sitting alone,
for all forever,
the sonorous hum of a
Child's Lament

My mislead star-wish

at that moment
in his arms, I felt safe.
is that alright? am I aloud too?
for one so close
to that which would whisk me
away, down, down-
am iI aloud to feel this? to feel as though I could go on?
I saw it- up there, in the inky heavens,
a breif flash of hope- perhaps,
or just a message, meant for someone else,
taken a wrong turn.
But still, I snatched the moment,
surprisingly.
I wished, I wished-
that this night would last forever.
for that, I am at wrong, for feeling
what I should not.
I have been found wanting

Abandoned

once again,
my sanctuary
is gone-

Alone, again-
but now, more so.
you are gone,
I feel it.
Hatred, burning within

I had been replaced,
by the sheer emotion -love-
so much a foreign feeling to me,
that I shied away and hid.

But now,
once again, I've been
left by all those
dear to me.

Do you hear me?
softly- crystal rain,
rivers of death,
flowing freely and unrestrained
down my rosy sallow cheeks

Boy Stuff

I guess I never told you..
that every day I spent with you,
was the new best day of my life?
That every second i was in your
company,
The bleak and dreary horizon
becomes clearer, and brighter.
I guess I never thought you'd care,
that you'd never life a finger
in my direction.
How wrong I was, as only now can
I tell.
How wrong I was, to even think of you,
when all that was going through your mind
was-

boy stuff.

[unknown title]

Attention! this poem IS NOT MINE, I just absolutely adore it, and it describes perfectly who I used to be up until about a 1/2 year ago!!!

Tired Of Trying...
Sick Of Crying
Yeah, I'm smiling
But inside...I'm dying [/u]

Thy brilliance blinds me,
mine eyes close,
In attempt to block it out

I stumble,
My quest for darkness –
Consumed by light

And those who would
Take thy hand and lead thee,
Close thine eyes in

Ignorance

Hidden forever?

Are you blind?
these conflicting emotions,
overwhelming me-
these scrambled messages,
fill up my mind.
when you see me,
you see only what you want too.
when I see myself,
I wonder whether you need glasses.
when I see you,
i see a shadow of my former self-
hidden behind walls of
everything everyone wants me to be.
but I refuse to conform,
and for that, i wonder if
i have to hid forever?

Changes

Over the years,
the changes are noticeable.
from quiet, brave girl,
to loud, shy girl
from large, baggy clothes,
to small, 'cute' patterns-
from obliviously happy,
to self-consiously scared,
my mouth might say "I'm ok"
but inside, an army of men
in white coats pick apart my
mind, pointing out my flaws,
labeling them with large, obnoxious signs-
"over here! look over here!"
so the world can see past my
defensive walls

Those are so adorable! I love them so much. (I love too many poems -sweatdrop- )
It's so realistic adn many people can relate to them.
I don't think I'd be able to choose between XD

understanding me

I dont understand the world,
I dont understand the skies,
I dont understand you,
I dont understand lies.
I dont get why the world is cruel
I dont get why the sky is blue
I dont get why you hide
I dont get why lies are so true.
but most of all,
I dont understand ME.

every day that I wake up,
another fear to face.
every night I close my eyes,
another haunting dream.
every day I sit alone,
eating breakfast in silence.
every night I sit alone,
if I'm tired, I try to sleep.
Every day I've been alone-
Every night I've been alone-
Will it every change?

How was I to know?

I cant seem to breath,
my gasping for air
thundering around me.
I cant get a grip
I cant even open my eyes.
I seem unable to do much other
than simply think of you-
and picture your smiling face,
crying over me.
imagining the tear,
sliding down your face.
I couldn't do much,
other than wish I could do more-
more than dream...
because we all know what dreams are,
right?
I couldn't see-
to know
that the tear was real,
and that you really were smiling,
the gesture not reaching your eyes fully
this nightmare, life-
waking up a coveted dream,
but we all know what dreams are
in reality,
a humming bird, eager to fly,
fly far and wide, fast paced,
and never containable,
never caught,
this, is what dreams are

Sometimes

Sometimes I just lie here,
envisioning ways to die.
Sometimes I look forwards
to going to bed-
just so I can spend a while,
wondering how you'd react.
Sometimes, I pretend I really did die,
and that I'm watching you all from Heaven.
Sometimes, I'm in Hell.
Sometimes, I'm mortally injured,
and you rush in,
tears pouring down your cheeks,
and you proclaim your undying affection.
Only sometimes.
Other times, I just lie there,
the white walls closing in,
the silence my only farewell

"Sometimes" almost made me cry.

Sniff I was totally spaced out when i wrote it. my hands moved on their own... scarrrrryyy

After it all

would the earth keep spinning without me?
Would time keep going,
and the birds still sing?
I used to wonder this-
I used to wonder, what came after death,
after your body is lowered into the ground,
and the tears are shed,
and the stories shared?
What happens then?
Do the flowers keep blooming?
and the rivers keep rushing?
Do you keep breathing,
Am I the only one to truly just
stop?

"You"

As I sit here, I wonder-
Who are 'you'?
I speak of a person,
whom I clearly adore,
whom my every breath is
dedicated too,
and every fiber of my being,
screams silently out too,
wishing only to bask in your glow.
So, isn't it only fair?
Isn't it only fair that I should know,
know who it is that I speak so highly of?
I tried to find out once,
nothing happened,
except unnecesary pain and suffer-
I never asked again,
I never wondered just who 'you' were-
I simply continued to preach
of happiness, and glory-
all in your name.
I suppose I love 'you'...
do you love me too?

[still thinking of a title, suggestions welcome]

Thru thy seeming mortal hand,
time slips by like rapid sand

the sea sings songs of death and glory,
weaving tales, one elaborate story

the sweet salt waves, wept in tears,
sing of battles, swords and spears,

spirits cry from memories dreary,
screaming gale, claims sailor weary-

these skies of darkened bursting clouds,
this rain of misery, us all enshrouds,

Noahs ark floats high in pride,
two by two, the others died