My Childhood was.....not at all pleasant. I grew up, son to an Ex-gang leader, and a Drug addict mother. Thanks to my mother, I've had to go through 17 years of hell. I've struggled in School, I have asthma, I have ADHD, and I've had to watch as my Baby sister suffers the same as I, only worse, and I didn't even know my birth father until 1 year ago, My grandparents have been my parents.. Since I could actually Understand what hate was, I've hated my mother with a passion, so much that I refuse to even consider her blood to me.

How can I forgive someone who has been the reason I've gone through hell?

wow, i'm so sorry you had to have your childhood taken away
but, thank God *or what you believe in* for your grandparents
forgiveness is a very unique thing
when you forgive someone
you forgive yourself
by that i mean you give up all the hate and negative feeling weighing you down.
forgiveness isn't easy, but it is possible if you wish to heal yourself.
does your mother want or need your forgiveness?
would this help your baby sister?
focusing on some one else may help you in the long run
i am a firm believer in the old 'walk a mile in their shoes'
drug addiction is a sickness and just wanting to get out of it isn't enough
a good rehab and support is a necessity for most people
hopefully some good has come out of all of your hardships
i hope you find some peace some day

hummy: Thank you for your word's, hummy, but my mother was beyond help. Next April marks 2 years since she passed away, from over-dose. I've tried to forgive her, but every time I try, I keep getting this twisted feeling in my gut, saying 'she doesn't deserve it'.

All I want is to be treated regularly. All my life, I've been different from other people. I was on medication, until I finally said 'enough' about it, I've forced myself to take responsibility early on, so that I'm not a burden to anyone, and whenever people see I've been given special treatment, they think I'm spoiled or snobbish. I hate that feeling, I detest it.

Maybe my hate doesn't help my sister, but how can I forgive someone like that? before she died, I didn't see her for maybe 4 years, I didn't even 'want' to see her. I don't know if she even wanted my help, but I feel like I pushed her away.

t

i wish i had more than words to offer you.
and i know it's difficult to forgive someone who is no longer with us
but for you to make peace with her is important for your well being
at least to be able to come to some sort of place where you feel good about your feelings.
your feelings are valid and you shouldn't feel badly about feeling them.
do you have someone you could talk his out with, like a member of your church or family?
i know they have kids of alcoholics meetings, maybe they have something like that for kids of drug addicts
finding some group or individual to open up with will help take this burden off of your shoulders.
i wish there was something i could say to you that would help
do you discuss this with your grandparents at all?

about pushing her away
i think that was a healthy thing to do at the time
i mean a person can only handle so much
and the person on drugs doesn't understand that
so please don't beat yourself up about that
you were the kid and she was the adult

I'm so sorry about this. :(

But for me personally, I find it extremely hard to forgive.. I don't know if this would be the appropriate thing to do, but if it was me, I'd probably shut them out of my life, and focus on myself and making myself happy. Getting an education, enjoying the little things in life.

Rachaelxxoo: I've tried. I'm very happy with the way my life is going, but I can't bring myself to shut my mother out of my life completely. She may be dead, but I see her in my baby sisters. It doesn't help that my folks mention her every now and again, since I was raised by her mother.

I guess you could say I'm something of a Martyr. I always focus on making other people happy. That's my happiness.

I try to focus on what positive things I have in life and not the negative. I don't necessarily forgive people on situations like that but I tend to cut out negative influences in my life and replace them with something positive. Addiction is a disease. It takes over and makes people act like they normally wouldn't. It's a very hard thing to watch someone you care about go through that or to have yourself go through that. Positive energy draws in positive energy. That's my view on life.

i'm glad you are happy with your life now
i hope you find someone who wants you to be happy
like you focus on others being happy
=)

You know, forgiveness isn't mandatory, and you're not obligated to it. If someone gives you a hard time, you don't have to forgive and forget, let bygones be bygones. If your life is still hell, go ahead and revel in it.