Thread Tools

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#1
Old 03-10-2016, 11:13 AM

A private roleplay between myself and Kat Dakuu:
Duh, don't post if you're not one of us. Stalk if you like, but be cautioned: oodles of angst ahead. //unabashed feels trash

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 04-30-2017 at 01:51 AM..

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#2
Old 03-10-2016, 11:14 AM

Finn thought this might be the longest day of his life, as he sat through the tortuous wait at his desk, following the study schedule Dad had made for him and tacked up on the pinboard. The same routine as everyday, mechanical as every time, and that screaming in his chest that he was not a robot. Except this would be the last time. After every few pages he turned or notes he scribbled his mind would go blank, and surface that one thought. Never again.

He went to bed at eleven as usual, and lay awake with his eyes squeezed shut, listening to his heart beat like a time-keeper, so many times per minute. His phone was in the pocket of his pajamas and he'd set it to vibrate at the time he was supposed to go. Eventually he sensed the buzz and quiver and got out of bed, changing into jeans and a hoodie. When he shut the wardrobe door his reflection hit and froze him for a few long moments.
Who was the last to see me alive?
I was.

A chuckle, strangled immediately in his throat before it could escape, and he was able to move again. He padded downstairs in his socks, gently closing each door behind him before he was out under the night sky. He headed towards the bridge, walking in the middle of the road, out of range of the street lights. Walking and thinking.

His Dad's voice saying, "Work isn't worship, it's warship." The constant pressure to be the best, better than anyone else, to be perfect. But perfect didn't exist, and he'd been unable to please anyone... least of all himself. He hadn't known how to break away, he'd been too weak to stray from the path of least resistance. And now, he thought wryly, he was too weak even to live.

He picked up pace once the bridge was in sight. His heartbeat picked up too, as though it could really increase his time if it beat out more seconds within the second. He stopped on making it, placed his hands on the smooth stone, and leaned over to look into the dark water, ripples glimmering around the jut of unyielding rocks. Nothing could go wrong. If he didn't drown, he'd break his skull on the rocks.

He was preparing to climb on and jump off when suddenly he was hit by a presence. Someone was here, just beyond his line of vision. He whipped around and saw... a boy.

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 05-24-2016 at 10:29 AM..

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#3
Old 03-11-2016, 12:33 AM

Josiah stood on the opposite side of the bridge, the railing at his back and his shoes toeing the ledge. His black hair flipped around his face, mussed up beyond repair despite only a slight breeze, like he'd just run here. The sweaty cling of his dark clothes to his skin added to the effect. The water on the left side looked peaceful. One could fall into the dark masses and just disappear. He'd just been about to throw himself over that edge with the same frantic energy that he ran through the night with when footsteps made his heart stop. Hands clenched tighter onto the rail behind him. There, like he had no idea what he stepped into, another boy walked up the bridge and stared into the water on the opposite bank.

Unable to move or utter a sound, Josiah watched that boy. But wasn't this so like him? Unable to speak up, unable to walk away when all he wanted, needed, to do was that. Unable to let go. His mother's words still echoed in his ears as if to mock this weak nature of his. 'They're an unholy disease, Daniel, an absolute abhorrence in the eyes of God. How can we let them in our church? A man who loves other men? And he's so proud! Unforgivable.'

Eyes locked onto Josiah's. He snapped out of his memory as he completely froze in place. He'd been seen clinging to the wrong side of the railing. What would happen now? He should let go before this stranger tried to stop him, but he found his fingers locked. Let go, let go. His strength already left though. After a second, he spoke, his voice seeming to come from somewhere outside of himself. "What do you want?"

Last edited by Kat Dakuu; 08-02-2016 at 04:37 AM..

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#4
Old 03-18-2016, 04:40 AM

Finn supposed he didn't need to answer him. It was none of his business anyway. He faced forward, but his knees wouldn't bend and he knew even if he got them to climb over the railing to the ledge on the other side, they wouldn't spring. Supposing the boy decided not to take the plunge and lived, he'd get involved too. He'd become a witness, hauled over for questioning by police, maybe even suspected of pushing him off. This was his life to dispose of as he wished, but now it could potentially mess up this boy's life, he couldn't do it. As a matter of fact it was even simpler than that: he'd chosen this unearthly hour certain that nobody'd be here. This bolt from the blue kicked the resolve out of him. It was especially unnerving that the boy had come here to do exactly the same deed.

Sighing, he stepped back from the railing and pushed his hands in his pockets, allowing his hood to shade his face. He leaned back against the stone. He thought it was kind of embarrassing for the boy, being caught attempting suicide. He couldn't think of a bluff to wave him off with right now. There had been a look on his face that told him he'd known.

"This is public property. I can come look at the late night scenery or whatever the fuck if I want." he said, his voice dead. His spirits were crashing lower than they'd ever been, because he'd counted on ending this shit today. He couldn't go back home now, he'd rather commit murder. "Don't mind me," he added, not that it'd help things. It was just like life to pull this on him.

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#5
Old 03-18-2016, 04:43 PM

Josiah twisted slightly, as best he could on the half foot ledge he stood on. No doubt, this other boy was like him in some way. It was funny, but he never met someone he could say that about and it made him connect far quicker and deeper than he wanted. He couldn't leave this other guy alone. "You came to jump," he stated, clear as day. No need to beat around the bush since they both knew it already. "So did I."

For a second, that was all he said. His hands still clenched tightly into the rail. Half a minute later, he wilted. Shoulders slumped, leaving the longer strands of his hair half shielding his face as his hazel eyes dropped to his shoes. Who was he kidding? He was always weak. He'd never let go even if he came this far already. Why did he even think he could try? He almost choked on the dark feeling that swept over him, but a second later, it passed, replaced by resignation. "You can't do it can you?" he asked in the faintest whisper. The faint breeze almost masked his words, but the moment felt too still for that.

Too similar. They were too similar. Why couldn't Josiah just ignore him?

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#6
Old 03-23-2016, 08:29 AM

Finn could tell his posture had changed, presumably to look at him, but though he involuntarily stiffened, he didn't look around to check or show any indication that he'd noticed.

"You came to jump."

A burning swoop went up his sternum to his throat and he could hear his blood in his ears. He didn't expect him to be blunt about it.

"So did I."

Unnecessary addition. He eased his breathing and his eyebrows raised under the hood. "Yeah, I figured." He was able to turn and glance at him then, and saw him sag. He heard him, too, even though the words were barely tangible in the chill air. Another burn, harsher this time. Finn swallowed it down. "Thanks to you," he agreed, matter-of-factly without rancour. What now? He didn't want to change his plan to jump off the bridge. Could he ask the boy to go home and kill himself some other way? Wouldn't be fair though, since he was here first.

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 04-20-2016 at 03:45 PM..

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#7
Old 03-23-2016, 09:38 PM

"Sorry," Josiah whispered back. "Neither can I." For a second, those words settled over the two of them, heavy and final. He didn't want to leave it at that though. Just go home and pretend he nearly threw himself off a bridge? He already knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't go back and continue to live this life. But he couldn't jump either. What to do? Finally, he swung his legs over the rail and landed back on the street.

It occurred to him right then that if they felt the same problem, they could help each other. It was simple really. Who better to help someone die than someone who didn't want to live themself? It wasn't like they could get in trouble. Very hesitantly, he put the thought into words.

"...You know...we could help each other. I mean, to do it..." The air felt suddenly stiller. He really said it and after those words came out, he found himself unable to breathe. What would the other boy say? Josiah didn't think he could survive it if he was turned down. Or worse yet, laughed at. He felt a bitter laugh echo in his head at that thought. He wouldn't survive it? How funny.

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#8
Old 04-20-2016, 04:09 PM

'Neither can I.'
What now? He repeated it, turning it over in his mind, wanting to say it out loud but unable to.

There was the thump of feet on flagstone. Finn exhaled, rounding his lips to spit out the short gust. Then the boy spoke, and Finn forgot to inhale for a moment. The deep breath he took as the weight of the words sunk into him didn't ease the yawning in his chest. The air was unyielding, refusing to be drawn in.

'You're suggesting… like, a kind of suicide pact?' he said slowly, when he could draw breath enough to speak. It wasn't a bad idea. There wasn't anything wrong with it that he could see. Rather than risking the coincidence happening again, maybe killing their resolve beyond recovery, it'd be planned for. Sure, people would link their deaths and draw conclusions about a relationship between them, but who gave a fuck what people thought?

'It'll be harder to back out or get cold feet if we do it that way… we'll do that.' He ended his soliloquy with sudden decision and turned towards the boy with a small smile. 'What's your name?'

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#9
Old 04-22-2016, 06:19 PM

Josiah drew in a small, shaking breath as the other boy spoke. That was all he could manage right then. "Yes," he breathed out. "A suicide pact." He hadn't put his idea into any kind of structure, but he supposed that must be exactly what he suggested. It sounded so clinical and set like that. It was something neither one of them could back out of. Even though they just met under these strange circumstances, he felt this strange kinship still. A suicide pact only seemed right.

"We don't have to talk about it, or explain why. Just help," he added in a murmur. Pushing away from the rail, he took a couple steps toward the center of the road. The breeze picked up again, ruffling his black hair around his face, a few strands catching on the silver chain around his neck. He cast his eyes down to the cross that hid under his shirt for one second. This would also be a sin. He already knew that and decided next to his others, it probably didn't count for much. "Josiah. Yours?"

What would they do now that they made this pact? Would they turn around and jump now? He didn't think he could even with help, though he didn't understand why. He didn't have any regrets, nothing that he would miss. But now, tonight was completely ruined. He really did wish he could just hurry up with it though.

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#10
Old 05-09-2016, 04:42 AM

'We don't have to talk about it, or explain why. Just help.'
That suits me pretty fine.

A breeze picked up, dissipating the thickness in the air somewhat. 'I'm Finn,' he said, scuffing the ground with the tip of his shoe. Why was he feeling so uncertain and almost opposed? Of course, it'd take a while to recover some resolve again. He just had to surf along with the crest and crash of emotions…
The idea came that very moment, spinning off a correction to his thoughts, that there were never any crests. Ripples of hope, maybe. He wanted to experience a crest… heck, a cascade even. He wanted to feel big things, even if they were too deep for him to stay afloat, powerful enough to drown him. He'd always craved it, but now that he had nothing to lose, he could actually go take it…

'How about we live this day out and die come midnight?' he said hesitantly, his give-no-fucks confidence drained away. At once, he had to justify it; explain how they'd spend so many hours. He shifted his feet awkwardly and said with almost apprehensive deliberation, 'I've heard it said too many times that living like there's no tomorrow is the way to do it, but nobody really means it when they say so, because then you wouldn't care about anything or anyone, not even yourself. You'd just want to feel and experience as much as you can before you go. And, uh, it's possible now. If you dig the idea.' Did he sound sappy? He bet he did. He wanted to make it so he couldn't say any worse, wanted to yell 'Not being able to live is KILLING me!' like he hadn't already exploded by revealing… important thoughts. His feet suddenly stilled, he stared at his shoes, wishing he could disappear immediately, disappear just like that without having to make it happen.

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#11
Old 05-10-2016, 02:09 AM

"Live a day?" Josiah echoed, his voice sounding hollow with his shock. The idea never occurred to him. The idea that he could live. Not really live, but for a day a least. All the bitterness and the sorrow inside him, the parts that kept silent and trodden on because that was the only way he could live--could he really let that all free now? Seeing Finn's nerves, he felt his own heart stammer in his chest, growing anxious. He shouldn't open up. He shouldn't give his last hours a chance to turn rotten.

How can they possibly get worse than everything up until now? Shocked by the thought, he met Finn's eye with a look far stronger than he felt. "Okay." He said the word even before he realized he agreed. But maybe now was the best chance he'd ever have to live like that. Maybe he could even let himself be happy for once in his life without worry for the disaster that would come next.

Feeling it was only appropriate, he offered his hand part in greeting and part to seal their deal. "Until midnight, I'll spend the day with you. We'll be like midnight moths spinning around a flame, until it's over." Poetic. He could be like that? How strange to realize he could manipulate words like that only now. "So Finn, what do you want to do with your last day?"

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#12
Old 05-14-2016, 12:23 PM

'Live a day?'

Finn's insides knotted painfully. He knew the boy- Josiah, he mentally reminded himself- wasn't asking for confirmation but more thinking aloud, so he didn't look or respond. He was too embarrassed to venture saying any more, anyway. Seize the day. His mind threw that up from some little corner and it only served to increase his nervousness.

When Josiah agreed, Finn's head snapped to him, a burn seared up his throat. He shook his hand, a small smile parting his lips. 'Fitting analogy.' His gaze searched closer. The words had surprised him. He hadn't met a lot of people who could talk like… like their thoughts could emerge so perfect they had only to be dropped off their lips immediately, without having to choose words and form sentences as an extension of the thought.

He blinked. The question was to be expected, but for a moment he was unsure what to say. I can't talk like him. I'll have to say whatever and not think about how I could have put it better.
'Well, since we- I mean, to feel big things immediately- for immediate sensation, we could do drugs. Uh, we could also go to the mall and run up the down-escalator.' The people he went to high school with might be surprised to see him at one of their parties, but more likely they wouldn't care. 'I have the whole of my trust fund to blow,' he added. Money should be enough to get them there, for them to feel all they could, pack in the aliveness before midnight. He'd buy alcohol first, as he'd never experienced any. He wondered if Josiah had- probably, almost certainly, he always assumed everyone normal did. He'd never wanted to attend one of the high school weekend stone-outs, but he'd liked the idea of going to a rave. A whole night of blinding lights and beats, filling it from end to end and oozing at the edges of time, seeping through the walls. Too late now, though.

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 05-24-2016 at 10:38 AM..

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#13
Old 05-16-2016, 04:03 PM

Josiah turned his eyes toward the sky, or where he knew the sky was. It was weird since the darkness didn't let him see clouds or stars, or even moon. The second he let himself think, he realized there were so many things he'd never done. Some might say he was still young, he'd had no chance. But even if he was older, he still wouldn't have done any of the things. Damn, he should make a list.

"Do you...want to get away from here first and just do something?" he finally asked. It felt weird to keep talking here on the bridge where they almost died if there were going to talk about living, though just for a short time. Knowing and feeling that river at his back made him feel anxious. "Buy some beer and make a list. We'll do everything."

There must be some important things he could say he'd never done. Even without asking, he already knew it. He never drank--he wasn't even old enough, besides the wine at mass and that taste now had turned bitter in his mouth. Parties, drinking, having his face caught on camera, holding hands, telling someone he was gay, seeing the ocean, jumping out of an airplane, falling in love. All of these were things a younger him could say he wanted to one day do. And now, he just might.

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#14
Old 05-26-2016, 07:58 AM

Finn leaned his elbows on the counter with self-conscious nonchalance. The café was different from his notion of a typical 24/7: wood paneling, wickerwork chairs, and dim lamps designed to look like overturned cocktail glasses. "I'd like a beer."
"What style?"
"Uh, what have you got?"

Five minutes later, Finn brought over two froth-topped tumblers, ice clinking against glass as he set them down. "I should've asked you if there was a particular beer you wanted, sorry. But this one's called 33 Acres of Life." What's in a name? In this case, everything. He grinned excitedly. "Let's toast to our remaining hours."

This feels momentous. He looked at it. Amber and rust, depending on how the light played with the liquid. He sniffed deeply, allowing the foamy fizz up his nose. He could describe the scent only as autumn-y. Slowly, he took a swig. He knew alcohol was supposed to burn your throat, but there was no burn. There was bitterness, and spice. There was autumn in the taste as well- apple and cinnamon. But it wasn't pleasant. He knew there were other things in there. Yeasty things. Malt, barley, the stuff beer was made of. But all his pieced knowledge, his preconceived notions, fell away with the slosh down his throat. He felt hot and dizzy the next moment, and shut his eyes. Overwhelming. Did he like it? Did he want to take another sip? Ever? His head cleared in a few moments, but that bout after just one sip made him defiant to his own body- I'm not that fucking susceptible- enough to want to try downing the rest in one go. Like he had something to prove.

He breathed with his mouth open, pushing the tumbler away quickly, and brought out his phone, setting it to Airplane Mode and then going to the Notepad. "Okay," he said, "Bucket List." and typed that at the top, looking at Josiah expectantly.

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 05-31-2016 at 01:29 PM..

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#15
Old 05-29-2016, 12:54 AM

They found themselves at the cafe almost before Josiah realized it, far too soon to second guess anything he was about to do. Which was fine. He decided he didn't want to give himself the chance to doubt and worry, so they really needed to jam pack this 'bucket list'. Of course, that's exactly what this list was, except they knew and planned exactly when they wanted to kick the bucket. Sitting in the wicker chair, trying not to look out of place, Josiah looked up when Finn returned with the beers. "S'fine," he murmured. "I don't know beers anyway."

Trying to not look dubious at Finn's reaction, he tried the beer himself. It washed down his throat, the bitterness filling his mouth and making his nose burn. Since he gulped too much, he coughed, but something about it felt wonderful. He took another, more careful, but steady drink. This was defiance. This was freedom, regardless of the taste. Noticing Finn pull out his phone, he steadied himself against the table and leaned over to look at the screen. Then he turned his eyes to the ceiling, admiring the homey look he could never imagine for a place like this.

Right, the bucket list. What had he just been listing in his head? The second he needed to say it aloud, the ideas seemed to have fled. Stumbling on his words, he just blurted something out. "Dance!" The word surprised him and he dropped his eyes back to the table. "Uh...I've never danced before. Actually, I've never done much of anything. But I want to do those things that teens always go out and do." He slid forward a little farther toward the table, shoulders slumped. "I don't even know where to start with this list..."

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#16
Old 05-31-2016, 01:55 PM

A shock of empathy. A part of Finn was drawn out like a heartstring, reaching for Josiah. For a moment he wanted to reach out, touch his slumped shoulder, but he pinched the urge and it snuffed, like a flame between fingers. "I've never done much of anything either." Dance, he typed out. "I'd like to experience what it's like to be a normal teen, too. So, I'll add partying to the list," he said, resisting the urge to lean forward eagerly and compel Josiah to raise his eyes to him. "That's something they all do. It'd be killing two birds with one stone, we dance at a party." They probably weren't legal for clubbing, but it was the weekend; they had only to walk to the rich kids' street and see whose mansion was shaking with music and high-schoolers' feet. "And, I guess going over what teens do is as good a way to begin the list as any. Though really, I think we should just list whatever comes to mind and prioritize later, to do as much as we have time for."

He took another sip of beer, cautiously, rolling a little around his tongue for accustoming before taking in some more. The aftereffect was rather nice to feel this time, like the snow globe that was his head had shattered, to let the turmoil of wind and snow out. Now, his mind wasn't quite cool and stable enough to be a snowdrift, but it was calming nevertheless. "Teens are obsessed about getting laid…eh. I don't think I'd like to go without experiencing sex- not because dying a virgin is supposed to be so… whatever, just 'cause I'm curious. But like, I don't want to lose my virginity for its own sake." He looked down at the bucket list, confused. I don't have the time to invest in a relationship to the point of feeling like, yeah this feels right, to do this now, with this person. He'd never even fallen for anyone, never given himself the luxury of such a major distraction. But he'd already said to add to the list first and think about the fulfilling afterwards, so he typed Sex?, backspaced and edited it to Sex-depends.

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#17
Old 06-01-2016, 12:51 AM

Josiah relaxed after Finn agreed with his suggestion. He didn't need to feel so self conscious about this since they were in the same boat. In reality, he was the popular kid in school. Everyone wanted to be with him and even after he changed and started to push them all away, the girls only seemed to whisper about him more. 'Such a mysterious bad boy'. They really had no idea it was because he didn't know how to interact with men after realizing he was gay and it made him dislike the attention he received.

"Okay, that sounds good." He didn't ask anything about Finn's life or why he wanted to jump. It didn't feel right and honestly, he didn't have much interest in knowing, like reality might break the magic of what they were doing now. At the mention of getting laid, he met Finn's eye again, then quickly looked away again, not wanting to dwell on another man during such a topic. "Sex," he murmured as he took another drink from his beer. "I....yes. Had been thinking that too, and..." He trailed off, resisting the urge to add, 'fall in love' to the list. It's what he really wanted, but he didn't give himself enough time for it. A part of him didn't think there was enough time in the world to get over his worry and fall in love with anyone anyway.

"...something like...walk outside holding a guys hand in public..."

Proof he could be brave is only when he had nothing else to lose.

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#18
Old 06-01-2016, 07:16 AM

"We could walk to Inverness Avenue holding hands."

Before he could actually think about it, he'd said it. A prickle of heat crawled up his neck as he took a long draught of beer, now determined not to think of it, since there was no taking it back. The part of him deep down that heaved those words up, the part of him he wasn't aware existed, because he'd never looked for it- even his intentness not to notice it now was unconscious. He spluttered, the words still choking him even after tossing them out, but didn't stop drinking, the almost-snowdrift whipping up into turbulence again. He had to think of something else to say. The beer was only slowing his mind down. He put it down and said, "Um, that's where the rich kids live. They party long past midnight. We can head over there after finishing our beers and gatecrash."… if walking into a mass-invite in its last hour or two could be called gatecrashing, especially as some of the people there were sure to be known to him from school. He raised his glass to his lips with relief, allowing it to mist his mind again.

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#19
Old 06-03-2016, 12:04 AM

Josiah sat back in his chair, shocked, but determined not to show it on his face. So easy, just an invite to hold hands like that. It wasn't a meaningful gesture between them, but maybe that was better. No, it definitely was. He just wanted to hold hands to prove that he could do it, to in some subtle way admit to the world what he was. "Okay-!" he managed to choke out before he too gulped at his beer like he could drown his nerves in it. So far, it seemed to be working. His tongue felt looser, his demeanor braver.

"And then we can go to the rooftops and watch the sunrise. What else? There's still more we can put on the list." After half a beer, he was sounding more confident and almost excited about their bucket list which was a funny thought considering their end game. But for now, he didn't even think about it, couldn't even consider the oddness of the situation, being so caught up in it. "Go somewhere? Do something? I don't know."

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#20
Old 06-12-2016, 02:25 PM

After Josiah spoke, the edge-of-panick nervousness was gone, like waves crashing on rocks and disintegrating into sea spray. Finn was grateful for his steer onwards to the next without painful dwelling. He took his beer slower now, wallowing in the taste before swallowing. He hadn't thought it pleasant at first but now he liked it. Still wouldn't rinse my mouth with it, but it'd not bad.

Finn smiled at the thought of watching a sunrise. Something that happened every day but he'd missed every time, watching it fade-in on a page instead, watching the colour of the light in his room changing before he switched off his desk lamp. "Yeah, there's more." There's no end, actually. But that wasn't a good thought. Unwise. Quick, on to another thought.

"I'd like to laugh so much my stomach hurts. And be blown away by a revelation. Well… they're things that just happen, not things you make happen." He hung his head. I'd like to reveal a vulnerability to someone. For no reason but that he'd never done so before, proud of his stoic detachment- but wait... had he already? Confusion was unsettling him again. He'd put that thought away too. His mind raced, and gears clunked into place satisfyingly. "I'd like to climb a tree. Wander around the city just for kicks, people-watch, maybe. Make a fire and watch it burn. Make graffiti on some back alley wall. Yell a song while walking the street- except I won't be drunk while doing it." He grinned, palming the edge of the table with both hands as he leaned forward, beer forgotten. It was pretty cool just imagining. Hope was so… addictive.

Last edited by hanahaki disease; 06-12-2016 at 02:29 PM..

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#21
Old 06-12-2016, 11:06 PM

Josiah shook his head silently, the ghost of a smile on his face nonetheless. "Put them on the list anyway. You never know if you can find a revelation." He wouldn't deny it anyway, should it come. It was a good hope, a hard one to chase though, just like falling in love. You couldn't just do it in a day and say it was done. Things like that couldn't be planned, but at least being ready for them increased the chances. Probably.

Listening to Finn list more things, he considered them, trying to think of more things to add himself. "Climb a tree?" It sounded so silly, but he wouldn't say so. "Yes, a bonfire. Like those ones they do at festivals where you burn things. We can do that at the end..." He trailed off, his voice becoming soft again. He kept wanting to make things serious instead of just have fun for his last day. He supposed it was his life that made it impossible to entirely cut loose and he wanted this to mean something if he was going to stay this extra time. It had to be for a reason right? The must be a reason they didn't both jump then.

"But before that, just an impromptu trip. I don't care where. I guess it should be somewhere near though. I want...to see something different. Something that's not this city and these people and this life. Throw stones in the water, run for my life, sing. You're right about singing, but I don't think my song will be meant for other people's ears..."

Last edited by Kat Dakuu; 06-14-2016 at 07:52 PM..

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#22
Old 06-13-2016, 02:47 PM

"Yeah… anything could happen." He savoured the words as he said them. His time was no more monotonous. Stuff would actually happen to him. He'd get to experience it. Being subject or object, a part of things.

"Haha yeah, we really will be midnight moths if we do the fire at the end! Die with the flame! This is so cool, we're making living and dying an art." Maybe the beer was having its aftereffect, because he felt the warm buzz of a carefree feeling, and didn't have to consider so much before he spoke.

And then he was shocked. It was etched on his face, interlaced with puzzlement, as he looked away from Josiah and into his beer as he swilled it. "Run for your life?" He didn't know what to make of that, it was… his body juddered involuntarily; he dredged the last of the beer and said, "That's another thing you can't make happen. Well, maybe you can, but-" he forced a laugh, his voice sounding unnatural to his own ears. "Uh, a trip is a cool idea. We could just go to the outskirts and see the country around, you know, find somewhere to skim pebbles… and it'd be amazing to sing when there's like, no other sounds around, except crickets cricking and stuff like that." A place with no people, but open, unlike a bathroom or his room. It would be so easy to breathe in such a place. "We could pretend the world ends at the horizon and we're alone in the world."

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#23
Old 06-14-2016, 07:59 PM

Josiah shook his head, a bit amused by the idea of dying and living being some kind of art. Maybe they were getting too excited over this, but it was the first time he felt so free and excited by anything that he didn't want to stop. He was sick of always walking on eggshells just to save his own face.

"I don't know. I was just saying stuff." He couldn't quite realize any significance to the phrase, 'running for your life'. But that was just as well. He was too caught up in the ideas to care. "Do you think we have enough on our list? We should get started since there's all this stuff," he murmured as he gulped at his beer again. He'd already drank half of it and he supposed they couldn't really go anywhere until they finished them. Or at least, he didn't want to start 'living' and all that until he'd finished his first drink. "That sounds perfect though. A horizon. I can really picture that..." He sat up straighter in his chair. "But come on. We should quit dawdling. We can just add other stuff to the list later if it comes to mind. Otherwise we'll spend all the way to our last midnight just talking about it.

hanahaki disease
wistful
108.15
hanahaki disease is offline
 
#24
Old 06-16-2016, 04:18 AM

"Yeah, we've enough to go on, I'm sure. We can just come up with more stuff if and when we have more time left over." Finn twined his fingers above his head and stretched, lolling back in his seat, waiting for Josiah to finish his drink. "Time to party."

Kat Dakuu
hyperactive catdemon

Penpal
61386.02
Kat Dakuu is offline
 
#25
Old 06-24-2016, 05:08 PM

Josiah hummed as he downed the last of his beer. "Yep, time to party." He felt another thrill go through him at the thought of what they were about to do as they paid for their drinks and he finally pushed back his chair. Pushing his hair away from his forehead, he let out a wavering smile that lasted for only a few seconds. "Well, I can't promise I'll be any good at it, but I guess that's not the point. I'll lead the way since I know the rich kids avenue pretty well, okay?" he added, waving Finn to follow him out the door. It was so dark outside, but that didn't mean the night was dead. There must be plenty of people still awake out there who wouldn't mind these two guys joining in the fun.

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Forum Jump

no new posts