Yesterday morning a good friend of mine from college passed away. He had been born with diabetes but it was something he had well managed. No one thought anything of it. By the time I met him he'd had diabetes almost twenty years. He was healthy otherwise and always someone to talk to.

I moved out of state a few years ago but he would still email me and see how life was. That was just him. He always cared and reached out to people. Like he sensed it, he seemed to message me (and others also experienced this) when I was having a bad day. Like he knew when people needed a friend.

He caught a stomach virus. Bad but something everyone deals with from time to time. But then there were complications because of his diabetes. He passed away in the late morning.

...I don't even know what to do. How to process this. I'm not inconsolable. I'm not freaking out...but since I learned of his death, it keeps hitting me and I tear up. I am holding it together but earlier this morning I started crying at work. Ugh. I just... Don't know how to say goodbye.

I am not good with grief. I don't cry immediately. When my grandfather passed away I didn't cry for days...and then I was at school and looked up at the clock and realized that by that time he had been buried...and that's when I started sobbing. (My mum had made the decision not to have me at the funeral, as I was a kid)

Am I just crazy?

Clair Voyant <3 I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. You're not crazy. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. And it can be hard, especially if you were close to the person who passed.

I can only say from own perspective that time heals. After my great-grandmother passed away, I would sometimes go into her room and still sort of expect her to be sitting at her desk with her magnifying glass on the newspaper or playing a game of real-life solitaire, even though I knew she was gone. But eventually, I came to terms with the fact that she was no longer with us. We printed out a photograph we had taken of her before she passed and have it in a beautiful photo frame in one of our entertainment center glass shelves in her memory. And it is not to say that we never think or speak of her, because we do. But it doesn't hurt as much as it did several years back right after it had happened.

And so, I offer you a (virtual) hug, shoulder to cry on, and ears to listen to your stories, feelings, thoughts <3 For some, it helps to talk about it, but only when they're ready to do so. Did you two have mutual friends, with whom you can talk to and share in the grieving? I found that helpful after my great-grandmother passed, to have all of our family members and loved ones together to mourn together <3 but again, if/when ready to do so.

Thank you. That's what I keep feeling! Like I keep thinking"Oh I should call Bob and--" and then I remember he's gone and I feel like I've been punched.

I totally do understand how you're feeling with losing someone close - with losing my twin brother.
Don't ever let anyone tell you that how you're grieving is wrong.
Everyone grieves in their own way.
And in their own time.
Don't rush it, don't push yourself to get over grieving in any time frame.
In a way, 9 years later, I'm still grieving - I can't get myself to go through Carlie's boxes of stuff from when we lived together.
It's still in storage, waiting on a day when I feel up to it.

It is so tough when the ones we love are taken from us without any warning and without a chance to say good bye. I've learned that it's about focusing on the happy memories, even though it can be sad, that helps me on the rough days. But even then, sometimes that is hard.

It has helped me too to talk to people who knew my brother - and share stories about him, to remember the smiles and the laughter and the good times.

And that feeling of wanting to call him -- I still have moments like that "I need to call Carlie and tell him..." And then I have to stop myself from tearing up. And it's been 9 years. It does get better, in time, but there will still be rough days.

I'm totally here for you hon if you ever need someone to talk to privately. You are not alone! We are all here for you.

I got together (on internet chat) with three other friends who knew Bob. We are all struggling and that actually helps; knowing my other friends are hurting too. I don't feel alone. >_> I mean, I don't want anyone hurting...but knowing others miss him as much as I do...it helped talking with them

I'm so sorry Clair
When a friend of mine was killed in was just number
If y'all have common friends talk, grieving with them helps
I'm on my cellie but will get on PC asap
Big hug

Originally Posted by LiviInLove

And that feeling of wanting to call him -- I still have moments like that "I need to call Carlie and tell him..." And then I have to stop myself from tearing up. And it's been 9 years. It does get better, in time, but there will still be rough days.

I know the feeling *nods* What I do, at least, in this situation, is that I do tell her the things I want to tell her...I know that she has passed away, but I don't know...I guess I like to think that if I say something out loud, or even think in my mind a message to her, that she will hear me somehow. Hope that made sense. I don't know if that sounds like a weird thing to do, but I think others do it too ^_^;

Originally Posted by salvete

I know the feeling *nods* What I do, at least, in this situation, is that I do tell her the things I want to tell her...I know that she has passed away, but I don't know...I guess I like to think that if I say something out loud, or even think in my mind a message to her, that she will hear me somehow. Hope that made sense. I don't know if that sounds like a weird thing to do, but I think others do it too ^_^;

Even that, for me, is hard. Especially on the rough days for me. It'd been a hard 9 years - I'm just good at hiding it, and don't get on here when I'm having rough days. I've done it from time to time - but it usually just makes me sadder as he will never actually respond. :/