I hope this isn't your special bedside lotion.

Bedside? Please, I keep this lotion handy everywhere. The bed, yeah, but also the pantry, under the bathroom sink, in the laundry room, in the confessional and/or tabernacle of several local churches (depending on the denomination), in the sewer... and in the icee machines in at least sixteen 7-11s within a six-mile radius of you!

Y'know, there are actually four 7-11s within walking distance of me.

That must be where I saw your picture. The caption read, "Do not accept checks from this woman."

I thought it looked like Dame Maggie Smith hopped on meth.

I really look more like Goldie Hawn on a seven-day crack cocaine binge. But her and a meth-addled Maggie Smith are far from apples and oranges. Birds of a feather fuck in leather.

That last statement gave me a good chuckle

Those are some kinky leather birds.

HOWDY!! YOURE PINK!

Woah, holy shit. A wild Bartuc.

Wat.

Oh wow, a wild Bartman appeared!

*throws Hostess Snowball*

Hey :D

bartie! how's life? happy holiday season

Happy holidays, humster!

I did so much shopping today, which is unusual for an old man with no money like me.

I also went to the cemetery to visit my grandma. She says hi.

How's the season treating you guys?

Oh, Howdy, did your grandma spill the beans on my pregnancy and baby daddy? I told her in confidence. She PROMISED!

Did you buy me anything good? If it’s not lace or strappy then please provide receipts so I can correct your errors.

She said your baby was brown and stinky and that the daddy was Carl's Jr.

And don't worry, I got you a premium box of lacy Depends, with extra straps.

oh, what a visual!

What hummy said. Oof. Neither of those images will be leaving my soiled, sacrilegious mindscape anytime soon.

Once again, Howdy, you are bested by no one.

I concur

I have to be skilled at something .

Howdy, AKA me, is sleepy. We made 12 dozen tamales today.

And there's still stuff I gotta do tonight.

Y’know, one day I’m gonna have to come out and try these f*cking tamales. I love tamales.

The first time I tried a tamale I did try to eat the corn husk though. It didn’t go in my mouth, but I sniffed and prodded it and then was like, nope, too stiff for my tastes.

That was the first and last time I’ve turned down a stiff one.

Oh my God I laughed so hard at that I snorted my Ginger ale lemonade!

How was everybuddy's holidays?

Mine was good, but tiring.

And someone gave me a cold for Christmas. Either my cousin or my grandfather.

Mine was bland. Just worked.
Also been watching that show on Netflix called Sabrina. Not bad.

return that present, Capt'n!

did you have fun at work, Su?

Oh Howdy, I was the one who gave you that cold. I slipped into something sexy and then coughed all over your tamales.

Su, that show’s been on my list for months but I still haven’t gotten to it! Eep. I hear it’s great. I’m missing out, as usual.