CHAPTER 1: THE APPEARANCE OF A SUPER NATURAL BEING


"Where am I?"
She looked around and noticed.
"It looks like, I'm in a hospital."
She wandered around the hospital for awhile, expecting to know the exact place where she was.
She saw a boy and called him, by shouting.
" mister!"
But he ignored her. She shouted once again but the same thing happened.
She continued wandering, but every person she called just ignored her, same as what the boy did to her.
While she was searching she heard some noise coming somewhere near from where she was.
"Why..."
A crying lady inside a room with an opened door said.
She got curious aftering hearing it, so she went there and looked. She watched the lady's face for a while, until she realized that the crying lady was her mom.
"mom!", she exclaimed, with a really happy tone in her voice.
"Mary, why did you leave us? " her mom said.
"Leave?" She said, confused.
Then her mother looked at the person lying on the bed beside.
" Mary"
Seeing her mother, she also looked at the girl on the bed. Seeing that the girl's chest was not moving, it means that the girl wasnt breathing anymore.
" She looks like me.... or is she really me? ", she thought.

While Mary was looking at her dead body with confused eyes, a man with big black wings carrying a big scythe and a medium sized, bible-like book(with designs made of gold and silver) with him, wearing a black long sleeve and with silver hair, and eyes that look like a beautiful full moon, appeared in front of her.
"We have to go now Mary, I still have lots of jobs to do, and I have 3 more souls to collect after you, for this day."
"Who-"
"I'm Carson, a death god."
Carson looked at his wrist watch, with a design that looked like a skull, inside.
As he faced Mary again, he said " You see, you're consuming lots of my time. "
"Death god?"
" Yeah, a god who takes souls and brings them back to heaven, or, if they're sinful, to hell. "
" No, I'm not coming with you, I- I'm not yet ready to leave them, I dont wanna die!"
" But you're already dead, and wether you like it or not, you have to come with me...Here. "
He showed the book to her and opened it.
" Here, you can see the names of the people that died and must be sent to hell or heaven, and this is the latest update."
He pointed a part of the list, but Mary's name was not there.
" So, where's my name?" She said, confused.
"I saw your name here a while ago, weird"
" Doctor! Doctor!" Her mom shouted. " She- she's- she's breathing!"
"What?!", Carson then exclaimed.
"So you can still see me."
"Clearly" Mary said, as she continued walking towards the train station.
"This is weird. I asked Felix about this matter and it seems like its the first time something like this happened to a human being."
Mary stopped walking as she faced Carson and talked to him.
"Can you please stop following me even just for this day? It's been two months now since I saw you in the hospital and from that moment, there wasn't even a single day that I didnt see you."
"Say, why were you there at the first place?" Carson said.
"Car accident, that is."
"Or maybe it wasnt an accident but intentional." Carson replied as he grinned.
"What are you trying to say?"
"Nothing really."
Mary continued walking until she reached the train station. She sit for a while on a chair inside the train, looked at Carson and she saw that he was looking at her.
"Will you stop that?"
Then Carson looked away.
"Where are your wings anyway?"
"I wouldnt need them inside a train right? So I made them disappear for now."
"I bet you're not doing your job anymore."
"Thats so random."
"I know, just answer me."
"Well, I passed it to other shinigamis for awhile coz I have a new temporary job."
"And what is it?"
Carson sit beside her, pulled her chin softly near to him and said:
"To observe you day and night."
Mary moved away quickly and dodged Carson's eyes. They remained quiet until the train stopped and until Mary reached her destination: school.

I'm confused about the transition after the "What?!" line. It seems like you've switched scenes, but there is no indication that any kind of time or space has passed. It makes things seem confusing. Carson's personality also seems to change, like you haven't nailed down his character yet. Perhaps work on developing your characters a bit? And using "shinigami," a Japanese term, seems random since the characters don't seem to be in Japan or Japanese. In all honesty, I've seen similar plots used before, but it looks like you're trying to put an original twist on it. I would suggest developing your characters and plot in your head a bit so you know where you want to go and can keep it from getting cliche. Good luck!

I really like the basic idea, and the plot seems really interesting, you could really go into it if you tried, but like Ryn Gray said it's a bit confusing. The character's descriptions (atleast for Mary anyway) are not really explained, and the scenes don't really have indications of when they end and start. I would suggest you have a paragraph where Carter say's What? Explaining how that day went and what happened and what she is now etc...