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Kiba_Ryuun
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#26
Old 09-19-2012, 09:01 PM

I could tell this one is pretty lame. I guess it's a nice elementary story?

About time they finished.
Jason grumbles, clutching his coat tighter about himself. He could smell his neighbours’ meals as he passed their houses. The scents taunted him of his barren table back home. Oh well, he thinks. Tonight, he will have plenty to sup.
He passes the looming gates that signal the edge of town, and veers towards the local cemetery. He stops in front of the ground that was freshly disturbed by that morning’s burial. Taking out a trowel from his coat, the brunette begins to dig. Before long, he strikes hard wood. Jason’s grin widens. Tonight, he eats.

Last edited by Kiba_Ryuun; 09-20-2012 at 07:24 AM.. Reason: Edits on grammar, sentence structure, rephrasing.

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#27
Old 09-22-2012, 09:15 PM

Holy crap! Thats not lame. Thats creepy! I like it. :D

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#28
Old 09-22-2012, 11:15 PM

Thank you very much! ^^ I didn't know what I wanted to do for that one, save that it starts with someone with a coat, and using the either the word "tonight" or "tomorrow" twice. I'm very sure I'm doing limited word drabble wrong, since I start with a random goal/idea, then heavy edits to cut down on word count.

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#29
Old 09-25-2012, 05:52 AM

I love you.

You might think I'm either drunk, confused, depressed, joking, stoned out of my mind, or a combination of the list. Think what you want. Some people needed to hear that. Who knows, I might be sincere to one person out of the half dozen or so who will read this. That doesn't matter. There are people who should take this seriously, for their sake. To have someone say it to them. Doesn't matter if it's just a joke or sarcasm. They saw it, have read it to themselves.

I love you.


It just had to be said.

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#30
Old 09-25-2012, 09:51 PM

Oh, I have one!

I-I mean, if I can.

The following is something of an excerpt, so to say, of my blog here. For the past few weeks I've been writing this story and flexing my first-person style since it's been so long. Anyway!




"The children are dead..."

The phrase had, two years ago, heralded the end of what the world knew.

Now... I find myself slipping away from the world as it was. Memories fuzzy, after four years. Now the dead don't stay dead, and the shadows aren't all harmless.

I used to think the paranormal was fantasy. Something written in a book. Now it comes to life all around you. If you've managed to stay alive.

Now I sit here, writing the last of my final, greatest book.

It's an autobiography, and the main character might not survive another day.

We'll see...

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#31
Old 09-26-2012, 03:29 AM

I found one of my old ideas and decided to work more on it based on this challenge. Looking through my posts, I have to say I am yet to find my 'own' style of writing. Still, I think this one is my personal favourite.

-----

I think I found love when I was very young, in an alleyway.
She was there leaning against the wall, her arms around a man with years more than ours combined. Her balance swayed, a hemline lifted even higher. She sang the hymn of debauchery, her breath intoxicated with nicotine and liquor. As her lips parted, she saw me and froze.
Exposed.
I pried away from the sight. It was too late; I’ve fallen.
I think I loved her, for a brief moment. Or maybe I love her still. I could not decide.
(I still dream of cigarettes and absinthe.)

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#32
Old 09-27-2012, 03:30 AM

It is said that only dead men travel through here. So far, that saying holds truth.

There are abandoned cars by the side. So many accidents. Don't make a U-turn, don't EVER turn back. Continuing down the road gives you a slim chance of finding your way out; backtracking gives none.

One thing's for sure, there are many hitchhikers. Their intentions vary, but most just wish to leave as well. Some might be carrying gadgets vital to your escape. Others... well, you can't always trust strangers. Will you pick one up if you ever find yourself in this accursed road?

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#33
Old 09-27-2012, 10:10 AM

Wow, I sort of hijacked this thread ^^;

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#34
Old 09-27-2012, 08:37 PM

Hijacking isn't so bad. I've been known to do the same thing.





It was a good thing his clothes were black. Otherwise everyone would have seen the blood. In the dim glow of the overhead bar lighting, in an atmosphere filled with smoke and the scent of whiskey and beer, Lee blended in well. He sat with his hands behind his back, staring at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar.

The music was low, thumping a little, like the heavy footfalls of the drunks all around.

Then the cold feeling of steel fell upon his wrists, and clacked, the sound of handcuffs.

Lee grinned. “What took you so long?”

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#35
Old 09-28-2012, 07:08 AM

Oooh, I like it! Sounds like Lee's used to dealing with his new companion.

For the next piece: I couldn't think of another word for redhead. 'Ginger' felt too 'modern' and it rubs me the wrong way since I've mostly heard/read the word when used in a joking or insulting manner. Even if it's an acceptable description, it has a personally negative connotation. A pity, since I originally intended the girl to be a redhead. And if I got the other hair colour's synonyms wrong, it's because I'm evidently not familiar with describing hair.
------


The girl tucked a strand of straw-coloured hair behind her ear, her expression too solemn to match her age. A doll with dark hair was her only companion in the long, lonely bus ride. She regretted running away. She regretted many things.

She murmured, “Your turn, please?”
-

“Last stop!”
The bus driver peered at the mirror to watch his sole passenger leave. The girl stood up and skipped to the exit. “Goodbye~” she giggled, stuffing a flaxen ragdoll into her bag. As the doors closed behind the brunette, the driver felt his blood run cold.

Wasn’t she blonde before?

Last edited by Kiba_Ryuun; 09-28-2012 at 09:34 AM.. Reason: Spelling/grammar edits

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#36
Old 09-30-2012, 11:58 PM

I don't like this one purely because it sounds like some unfinished monologue. But I wanted to play the challenge as a warm-up before I work on anything else. Btw, if there are grammar mistakes in any of my works, please tell me since I'm still learning on how to be consistent.

---
There are times when she basks in being a control freak. She is, in essence, a person who -needs- to control something, to experiment and create, to analyze, to destroy. Hence, her little projects. She often assigns unneeded burden on herself, just to have something petty to control. She would work on these ventures fervently, but then abandon them as suddenly as she had latched on the idea of creating them. Most are forgotten while some were lucky to be terminated once her interest waned.
I am not one of those fortunate projects. Instead, she keeps me as her son.

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#37
Old 10-01-2012, 12:18 AM

Not so much used to it as having expected it to happen. There's a deeper story behind Lee and his antics, than what can be described in a hundred words.

As for hair... I usually go with tone, or how it looks to my eye. And another way to describe red hair could be copper-tone, or a flame color. Depending on the strength of the color. I like your new one. Doesn't seem too much like a monologue, but does appear to want to herald in a story. Sounds a bit like me, in fact....

(This one's based on Left 4 Dead)




I don't like desertion. It's like... they're waiting for you. In the dark, around the corner. It's like they can see in pitch black. No wonder, the way their eyes... glow. Like they're not really dead.

Hold on. I know what that is. That sound. It's like a mournful girl. In her low, lingering cry a melody emits through the air in an echoing, high, emotionally-playing sound that draws one close to her. I know better. I've been confronted too many times with this one.

There she sits. Platinum hair streaked with blood. Elongated fingers folded on her lap.

Witch.

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#38
Old 10-01-2012, 07:37 AM

Flame-coloured! Now I feel stupid for not thinking about that...
I was having trouble ending the last one. Other options were "Worse yet, she calls me her son." or
"She keeps me instead as her “son”."
The tone would probably have shifted if I kept it as "lover" as originally intended... In one hand, 'lover' could have terrible implications and the mind quickly goes for the most obvious story behind the scene. In the other, for 'son', the story still remains vague and has tons of potential to grow. However, I can't gauge which one is a better hook-- one where you already have a suspicion of what the story is, or one where you have to delve deeper to understand what's going on.

--

I haven't played L4D, but I've read the wiki. I like the flow of your protagonist's train of thought. Really can imagine the witch sitting long before you even started describing her. ^^

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#39
Old 10-01-2012, 04:03 PM

Believe me, I've had that problem. Trying to think of a word I should know to describe a certain thing, then it kind of slips my mind. Annoying, it is.
I like the way you put it originally, though that's my opinion. I think it's better to not give a reader a suspicion or idea that they already know where something's going, because then they can stop reading and form their own endings without needing to continue. Adding a confusing or less-conspicuous note that doesn't initially swerve the story the way they think it'll go is what's needed to keep a reader's attention and move them through the rest of the story itself, and what keeps you away from the rest of the pack, so to say.

Thank you very much! Maybe I'll do the same for all the Special Infected? L4D is probably one of my few favorite online games. Though I didn't know whether to use the wandering witch or sitting witch at first, I just flipped a coin for that one. I'm dying to get my hands on L4D 3 when it comes out.
Okay, this one's from a dream I just had, quite literally.




Tears streaked his face and made it hard to see, but there wasn't much to trip him up. Not even the debris of burned cars, bodies of those long dead, or discarded shrapnel of long-detonated bombs.

Usually both hands would be busy with a heavy gun. But it was slung over one shoulder, imitating the body of a girl on the other shoulder. Her amber hair hid her face, and her clothes had seen better days. He couldn't let her lie there among the other innumerable dead. Where was the dignity in that?

He didn't know how much longer he could go. Especially with an escaped tiger stalking every step.

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#40
Old 10-01-2012, 09:32 PM




You see him before you hear him, massive and lead-footed. Like the Hulk, though to be honest I'd prefer the Hulk.

He charges as soon as he sees you, a roar like a wounded elephant but sounding more like a blind rhino, blundering through cars like they're toys. He'll rip up the ground like it's made of foam. If you're in his way, you'll be crushed in an instant.

I hear it. It's quiet because he's killed all the other zombies around him. That low, angry growling, grunting, huffing sound of frustration. He paces just out of my sight.

Tank.

Last edited by Tachigami; 10-01-2012 at 11:45 PM..

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#41
Old 11-04-2012, 11:43 PM

While I was at the store, a little girl approached me, asking if I could reach something up on a shelf for her. Mind you, there was only a foot of difference in height between us. Still, I felt so happy; to think that someone thought that I can be useful! I had to attempt several jumps, but I eventually succeeded. But then her mother came over and you know what she told her daughter?

‘Why did you ask such a small person to reach so high? I’m sure they had staff tall enough to assist.’

Oh, my poor pride.

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#42
Old 02-28-2016, 02:11 AM

She closed her locker just as he came around the corner. Her heart began pounding as he approached her. But she knew that he was simply making his way towards the exit. He did not know her name, nor she, his. They were complete strangers. Yet something about him intrigued her. Maybe it was his crooked smile, or the way he leaned to one side while carrying his heavy messenger bag. What did he carry in that bag? she wondered. But she would never know.

And he would never know about her.

The next day, she was in the newspaper.

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#43
Old 10-29-2016, 03:36 AM

“I wish I wan't me,” she mumbled.

“What was that?” Charlie asked. Abrupt as always.

“Nothing important. How was work?” She perked up. Fake smile plastered in place.

Charlie drawled on about accounts and expense reports for a good hour an a half before he remembered to ask her anything about her own day.

“Oh, just the usual.” She looked down at her dirty fingernails. He didn't care enough to listen, so she didn't waste time telling him that tomorrow she was leaving this comfortable monotony. She could create a new alias on the way out.

 


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