Hey, Dazzy!
I miss you, too!
In fact, you are who has drawn me back onto this site!
You were the only person who consistently talked to me...
The few mornings I would wake before Hope, I would eagerly look to your thread for a new post from you....and more times than not, I would leave your thread with smile on my face to start the day...
But, then I'd wander around Menewsha, aimlessly....not really interested in anything, and before I'd realize it, the smile would be gone and I would be left somewhere between depressed and frustrated....trying to dig out witty comments and inspirational statements from my completely uninspired mind....kinda felt myself feeling...."inadequate"....for lack of a better word...
I wasn't living up to my own standards in the ability to put the words together right.
Though I could get the point across, I would find myself getting "stuck" trying to find just the right word, often resorting to using another, less picturesque word.....then the frustration would set in!
So...having learned from experiences in the past, when something becomes frustrating, I just have to step away from it for a while!
Sewing clothes is an example....for when I found myself angrily ripping out the same seam, for the third time, I would have to put the item down and step away from the sewing machine....and hope I would return, later, with a calm hand that ceased turning the fabric into frayed shreds...and finish the project.
Many of my hobbies have gone by the wayside because my eyesight is failing....my old eyes need new glasses!....and the fact that the skin on my hands and fingers is so dry...I barely keep hold of my coffee cup, much less a sewing needle or straight pins!
*sigh*
I can't write on paper for more than a few minutes, lest my hand turns numb and tingly....and typing on the BF's laptop cramps my fingers...
Even typing on my phone gets difficult for me, on occasion, when my right thumb goes numb.
I'm kinda "trapped" without an "outlet," ....making me into a bitter person...
And I don't want to burden anybody with my bitterness....cuz most people already have more than their fair share of bitter already....I'd rather keep mine to myself.
I had a doc appointment last week....lady stuff...and I was informed that the county run health clinics are now offering free consult with a "behavioral specialist,".....meaning free sessions with a psychologist...on a nearly "on call" basis...so, if I have a medical appointment and I feel like I just need to talk to somebody, I can see if the lady is busy, and if she's free, she will see me right then!
Or...she gave me her number and told me that, since I live so far away, I can call her and have a "session: over the phone!
I find this GREAT news...and TIMELY, too!
Just as I am beginning to feel the frayed end of my rope slip from my grasp, I am handed a lifeline....just in the nick of time!
.....We had a nice chat, the "behavioral specialist" and I....
I vented....she justified how I was feeling....I received some badly needed empathy...and went home feeling a little lighter in the emotional burden department....
Of course it didn't last...for the BF carelessly ignored my news about the free mental health sessions and snapped some comment at me about something.....
Back where I started....
At least I know I can call this woman if I feel overwhelmed....
(I wish the BF would get himself a behavioral specialist to call!....I really think that's what his problem is, and he takes it out on me! ...."ya always hurt...the one ya love...." *sigh*again!)
So...I hope ya don't mind that I'm rambling on! ....Hope is still away with her parents, so I thought I'd use some free time to check in with you....and before I realized it, I'm writing a novel! Lol!
The BF is still enjoying his new job...we are eagerly awaiting his first full paycheck on Wednesday....and then plans to do laundry will commence....and EATING! ....I just want to eat myself into a COMA!....we have only had food for the kids and for dinners...no extras, no snacks for the adults...
(I weigh only 128 pounds with my clothes on! ...I haven't weighed so little since I was a teenager!!)
Hope has been excelling in her language skills....singing certain nursery rhymes over and over and over....all day long!
I am hoping to have some time and patience and clearness of mind to make some entries in Hope's thread soon....she still continues to astound me with what she knows already!
Sarah had a couple seizures last week...after a 4 day run of good days...then she has been sleepy for a week!
I think our dreary, rainy weather makes her want to sleep a lot...not much to wake up to, really!
She gets up, has some food and a drink and falls asleep in her wheelchair.
Her doc wants her to gain some weight back (just as I'm losing mine!...great!)...and I think that it is making her somewhat lethargic to be heavier....and she is getting lazier....creating more work for me, feeding her and such.
I had sooo been looking forward to summer!...when I could get everybody outside to enjoy fresh air!
It is just too chilly and wet to enjoy the outside, much!
I swear I "smelled" Fall in the brisk night air, last night! ....Snow is not far off!
....one more *sigh* before I go!
I hope you had the whole evening to read this! Lol! ...Again, I apologize for the size of this post!
It may be a week or more before I get back on here....
Hope is gonna fly to Minnesota with her parents and Nanna on the 29th...she will be gone for 5 days!!
I'm kinda nervous about all that!....but it WILL give me 5 days to catch up on some sleep!
I hope stuff is good with you!
I read about the fire that burned the cars on the highway...How scary!
I hope it doesn't drive the big frightened felines your way!
Take care!....I'll be back, again....eventually!
!