06-06-2015, 12:23 AM
*Note* I don't know if this is in the right place. I probably should have posted it in IRL...I realized this in hindsight after posting. Apologies to the admin and other annoyed peoples. *Note*
Maybe it's just life getting to me. Or me realizing that this is life and perhaps I'm not meant for anything more. I miss my mother - she passed in 2012. I miss my sister who passed in 1995...and even though it's been 20 years since then I still miss her.
I worry about my dad and brother constantly, even though they are in control of their own lives, I worry about their happiness, health, and well-being.
Maybe I'm simply sad because of the life transitions I've been through within the last couple years. I'll be 25 in December, I'm married to a man who has a custody battle going on with his ex wife for his two kids that he only sees every other weekend. We have to live behind his mother, who is right now his supervisor for visitations. We don't have the money to get a house right now, either, and he refuses to consider an apartment for short term because we'd be throwing away money and right now our situation is rent free.
[OOPS I accidentally pushed enter...venting more]
And I understand his desire to stay here, but his mother is always up in his business and mine. Any time we have a scuffle or disagreement, she knows about it. Any time he is frustrated with me, she knows about it. And of course any time I've done something (or haven't done anything) to anger, annoy, or frustrate her and her husband, he gets chewed out for my behavior and it just moves on down the line. The energy here is toxic. It stresses me out and sometimes I wonder with great heartache whether or not I made a mistake marrying him.
But that breaks my heart thinking that because I love him. So very much. Nobody makes me laugh like he does and we are different enough that we work. I think we bicker like any other married couple and my only complaint is he's very passive-aggressive with his communication.
I just graduated college and I finally have an offer for a job that I believe I'm going to love, but the job doesn't start until July 13. I'm excited and nervous and I really can't wait until then...because this situation frustrates me and I want to start earning money so we can save for a house. I don't want to live here for two years waiting for my husband to finish his degree and start working...
Either that or I just wish his mom could get some happy pills and get over the fact that, no, I'm not perfect. But I'm also not his ex-wife and unless he does something drastic like use and abuse me, then I'm not going anywhere.
</rant>
Last edited by adella_demona; 06-06-2015 at 12:31 AM..
|