I am 23 years old. I write in an open style, and I try to at least make sure that my poems are spelled correctly.
I am getting really tired of people telling my that my poems suck, or are crap because I lack punctuation. I have always had issues using punctuation and if I'm correct, grammar is not only about punctuation, but is also about the spelling among other things.
I write for the chance that I can touch someone else with my work, as meager as you all seem to think it is.
Some of my work has been submitted to online contests and My work has been one of the few to be selected to be published in books, if I had the money at the time I would have gotten said books as further proof, but I did not have the funds available to me seeing as how I was only in high school and jobless. From the same people I have gotten an Editors Choice award which I am pretty sure is some where at home with my mother.
Have a good day and enjoy, or if you don't, then so be it. I didn't make you read them.

I do like comments, and I dont mind critiques, just don't be rude with them.


Index
Burn Soul Burn/Laugh it frightens People
Death's Favorite Thing
How Much
I Travel the Dark Road
Heart of Darkness
In My Head
The Daisy Petal Says
Collection
Silent Tears
Forbidden
Untitled
Heart of Glass
Shadow
Mirror
Untitled
My Divinity
Untitled
Mirror

Come on now! If poetry is expressive and open, how can you block out grammar? Be friendly and open-minded and people will be willing to help and offer advice. You shouldn't hate something that is (I don't want to say vital) but very important..
Yes poetry is expressive, but let's say your poem was written something like:

"A brokn hrt frm smpel kiss
Hard give the chanc to blom

A fragil xistance
A harden S hell"

Makes it hard to read huh? And a bit hard to take seriously. Luckily yours isn't like that. It's important to always attempt to better yourself and expanding your grammar is essential to a poet such as yourself.

I mean like the punctuation kind of thingy...... like periods and commas, and all that crap XD


Burn Soul Burn

A broken heart from simple kisses
Hardly given the chance to bloom

A fragile Existence
A hardened Shell

Caged inside my mind
no chains to hold me

I'm simply forever Doomed

So afraid and forlorn
I have nothing to hold but the darkness

Terrified of nothing
and afraid to be alone

I sit in the crowded corner
secluded and Forgotten

Soul Aflame unseen

Can someone please,
Save me before I burn?

Laugh it Frightens people

A smile reaches my lips,
A cruel and twisted thing.

I laugh at their suffering
I take glee in their last breath

A broken bone and muffled screams,
Blood gushing to the floor

I just have to have more

But locked behind these bars
For taking my glee
I can no longer torture the souls condemned to be free

I sold my soul too long ago
To a red cloaked man called the Devil
And I took his boat and drowned him in souls
And he lies there forever

I’ve been called wicked and sinful by the old and the young
I just walk away and laugh at the sun
The Moonlight suits me
So much better for my deeds

I cringe at the sunrise
And drown in the fuzz
I sleep on the hearth
And shiver in warmth

I walk outside in blizzards
And I question the truth
I live on the streets
And I stole your gold tooth

Fingers blackened by cold
I can tell no more

The needle pierces my skin
“You think this will get rid of me?”
I ask with a grin
And I laugh as my body dies
The doctors look scared
As well they should be

I’ll always be there

Ooh. I see. Yeah I don't care much for punctuation in poetry... Haha! Aside from apostrophes...
But hey! Your poems are awesome anyway...

Deaths Favorite Thing

War is not glorified
it's not a flower
with beauty being held.

War is a torturous pain
pain felt in the heart
and felt on the body
the pain is felt at home
for the loss of love in war
the pain is felt in self
for the loss of limb and life
and if you live through it
the pain lives on forever
for it's hard to forget
the bloodied bodies of friends
lying on the field of death

War is a frightful sound
big booms and crashes
the squeal of rockets passing over head
the deafening sound of death
the tortured screams
of a soldier in flames
the cries of a mother
for the loss of her son
the only relief is to be deaf
but hear the sounds once
and you will hear them forever

The smell is worse
the putrid scent of a corpse long dead
the smell of blood
and fire and death
of burning flesh
forever seared into your mind

War tastes like ash and dirt
like blood shining on the corpses
of soldiers newly dead
torn apart by the explosions
it tastes like gunpowder and metal
burnt biscuits and beef stew
but most of all it tastes like death
slowly stirred into this deadly brew

the sight of war is worst of all
war looks like a graveyard
without the stony headstones
pits of people
buried deep
it looks like deaths graveyard
with people buried neck deep
buried on the field
the souls of the soldier's haunt
while their bodies are eaten
by rats, crows, and moths
the battle field looks good to them
the last place that they saw
the perfect place to haunt
with bodies piled high

war is not glory
and was is not sweet
if anything
war is
Deaths Favorite Thing





I wrote it for high school, in a class...we had to write a poem on the five senses and war or something like that......I forget

Wow. Have you ever been in a war, or lived in a war zone, or something like that? Your poem is really graphic and descriptive. It strips away all the romance and propaganda and leaves the naked truth.

Constructive part: I would try for a little more clarity is all. Some of the senses seem to switch in the middle.

I have never been in a war, but I guess I have what some might call an over active imagination. I can think on something and get if not accurate, pretty damned close to the proper feeling, maybe it's gotta do with me being weird XD


How Much

Forgotten souls
A rift in time
Maybe someday
This pain will End.

I'm tired of This,
Love carried on a Butterfly's wings

I want it sturdy
I want it strong
It should last beyond the last breath

Simple touches
Pain Unfurled
I'm not sure how much my soul can take

All of the poems you have posted so far aren't really dark, well maybe to the world that denies the truth, but I think they are facts. And grammar? It makes me bitter as well, the annoying rules...the annoying symbols...but then, we are so trained to have it...everything would be complicated without it...however, we could use less of it.

I may have been trained with it...doesn't mean that I'm very good at using said grammer, I'm ok with spelling


I travel the Dark Road

I walk the road so many walked before
but unlike the others
what do I see?

Nothing
Blackness,
not even a tiny light to see by.

I fall and stumble
over the paths others see
I trip on a rock and skin my knee

I cry for a day
then I get up
and continue on my way

I come to a fork and the light is dim
I have two choices before my eyes,
I sit and think as I look before me
my eye turning from left to right

I have two paths
and I choose the one just as dark
as the one I had just traveled on

Yes I can't see,
but I like it better this way,
because even though it's dark
I see better than they

I fall and stumble
but when those times come,
that I can see around me,
I smile and take in the beauty,
that you don't see.

I travel the dark road
and I'm happier than I used to be.

Heart of Darkness

It's blacker than night
It's hotter than fire
It feels like I'm falling
falling strait to hell
and that's when I see it
a pinpoint of light
or is it?

that's when I realize
I was falling in light
I have reached the center
the heart of life.
no matter how pure
no matter how bright
there's always that pinpoint
of pure evil light

or so it would seem
the light I fell into
deceived and tricked
it seemed so pure
but was evil instead
and the center I see
a black whole of nothing
is more pure than the light that surrounds me
the purity I have found is not white
like I have believed
but dark and cold...
and free

This is my heart and it does not deceive
like the whiteness that surrounds me.
your eyes cannot be deceived in darkness
for they can see nothing but blackness
other senses must be used
to see what cannot be seen
to be able to see the truth
and that is why I believe
a hart of darkness
is the hardest to see

In My Head

She whimpers softly
no one hears

it's in her head
they say she's sick

I cut,
she's the one they send to the Emergency Room

I cry
they ask her what's wrong

She sits alone
He sits beside

I smile
and she runs

They say she's sick
I know otherwise

We see shrinks
they think the same

just because I'm here
just sitting inside her head

They say she's sick
so she takes pills

Now neither of us has the other.

The Daisy Petal Says

He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me...

Pulling out the petals of a yellow daisy
i sit here in the shade
i know this is no way to tell
but my tormented mind is eased

My world has turned upside down
and I fell into the sky
i sit here on the other side
pulling daisy petals out

It may be childish
you say it's stupid
but the last petal
will tell me what to do

He loves me
he loves me not
i'm getting closer to the end
and my heart skips a beat

He loves me
he loves me not
He loves me...

My mind is made up
there is no turning back
I'll tell him how I feel
and that'll be the end of that

This morning i found a card in my locker
and a smile reached my lips
it says to meet him, the one my heart races for
i pray it's not a trick

i meet him, and my cheeks turn red
cause i know
what the daisy petal said is true
He loves me...And i love him too.

Collection

Cold silver touches my wrist
My pulse quickens as the blade scores my skin
I drag it across
I carve in my arm
the dull pain lets me know I'm here

I bet no one will notice
I won't even hide it
never have, never will

it's faint
won't scar just yet

but if I stay at it
I'll have more for my collection

Silent Tears

Untold fears
and depression
I may have gone to far
pushed to many buttons

I try not to latch
I fear to be taken away
to have my fragile heart shattered

the first is always the hardest
I told my self to not get attached

I have waited to be loved for for far to long
and I had hoped that I had found it

I suffer in silence
I tell no one my fears
and if my heart was broken
I'd drown in silent tears

Forbidden

Forbidden desires
Hunger fed at night

If only the sun wouldn't rise
we could stay like this forever

Entangled and Entwined,
Too bad I can only love you by the moon lit night.

Tender heart
pounding in my hand

Disinclined to keep on going

I hold it in my hand and cry,

Silent tears I shed
and begin to wonder why

Forsaken as a loner
I wander in the shadows

Craving human connections
afraid to go ahead and grab

Forgotten and forlorn
I shed my silent tears
not making a single sound

and so I am here
and yet I am not

I'm just a doll
your forgot and shot

Heart of Glass

I held it close till I gave it away
You dropped it and it broke
I put the pieces together
And gave it again
It shattered on the floor

I picked it up
I put it together
And gave it once more

I ask you please
Don't drop it for me...
I don't think I can take anymore

Shadow
Broken, Beaten, and Battered
But not a bruise or scrape to be seen

Shadows linger on the walls with nothing to make them
Heart beat quickens
The sound thundering in my ears

Then nothing
Not a sound, or sight, just black.

Morning sun sighs
Invisible tears fall silently

Broken and Bruised
But none can see the scars

Phantoms haunt my dreams
And shadows block the sun

Place the mask upon your face
And open the door to block the sun

Mirror
Ribbons flutter
Dying the water red
It pools in puddles
Water spills the ground

I look up at the ceiling
The flood gates open and taste of salt

The mirror grins back at me as crimson tides break
I left a trail in hopes to be saved.

I wake and blink
Something blinds me
And I see a face.
Groaning softly a flash of pain

All I hear is why and harsh sobbing.

I'm sitting here at my funeral
And you don't seem to care

Knocking on the reflection
Banging on the mirror
A shadow of me is all that's left

And you lead me here

Danger Lingers
the beating like a drum
loud in my ears

Falling to the ground
hands clasped to my ears

Why oh why won't it go away?
Tears hit the ground and my body shakes

I quiver like a leaf in the grasp of the wind

I know I did wrong
and I say I'm sorry

Hmm. Not bad. Some very dark imagery in these but that is not always bad. One thing you might want to work on is redundancy. It is one thing to repeat a word or a line as part of a form or to underscore a point, but sometimes just tweaking a turn of phrase rather than direct repetition comes across better. Also, grammar and spelling are important for readability but punctuation in poetry is a negotiable thing. Unless you are attempting a specific form, that is another matter entirely.

Otherwise, very interesting poems. Thank you for sharing them with the community.

Woot. I'm not one to really go with a form unless it was for school and I had to.
I suck at the grammer thing, and I hardly edit my poems once they're written...unless I feel a need to XD

Your poetry is wonderful. I love how descriptive everything is. Nicely done. I wouldn't change anything about it, even if you don't use periods and such. It's your work and it's wonderful.

Thank you dear. And the style I use is open....I think that's what it's called. I just write, and see what sounds right XD

I like the imagery that you use. I think the brevity of the lines in a lot of your poems hinders them a bit. It's OK to have long sentences in poetry if you want and I just feel that some of the poems would have read better if there had of been more to read. As I said though I liked them quite a bit. :)