so im writing a poem for a girl i dont think its the best but its the effort that counts right :) anyway this is what i have so far....(enjoy and try to help me out please)

The first time i saw you i thought you looked pretty, you where fun and playful like a new born kitty but then the next second you where quite bossy.

after awhile you seemed to get better so i wrote this letter. I am thinking of you as the day goes by, you smile at everything and as spring approaches i hope something new will begin.

now its been some time, I reckon you'll get freaked out by this trying to seek who sent this to you i know I probably wont see you after this year has ended but this poem was not intended, as I don't think it would make any difference, i will hopefully see you around.

love from
???

i know its bad.... i don't really read books or anything so please help me out
thank you

Hello Demondog, i don't believe we've met i'm strangemwarn, i'm not much of a poet really...but i feel like you deserve some help no matter how bad it may be lol. Try adding this after your 3rd sentence. In nicer terms perhaps even saucy. Maybe change "after while you seemed to get better so i wrote this letter." Though in time everything thing seemed to be better. I've written down my thoughts for you, in this letter." Try to work on that 3rd set though, it seems very jumbled, stick to writing a single sentence at a time, don't get ahead of yourself. No one wrote the perfect poem the first time. Like i said i'm not much of a poet.
I just thought that i might get you a little bit closer to finishing your poem, and good luck with your lucky lady. ;D

Since you're not talking about Books here, I've gone ahead and moved your thread into our Poetry forum. ;)

It has a lot of potiential, you just need to fix your grammer. It sounds good though.

It's good and the message is clear, you just have to add more spark you know, like rhyming words and change other common words into deeper ones so it would have sweet effects ;)

Try using Merriam Websters' Thesaurus and Rhymzone.

well i understand the whole story, but the grammer is very odd. it some what puts me off. But at the same time it makes me like it a little more because its like an mmo with a good story but bad graphics. you still continue to play that mmo, dont you

its a poem of first love :) hehehe atleast thats what it made me feel.
and about the words, its better if they rhyme, and if you plan to write in an open style then it needs better sequence in your sentences :) But its very nice because it sounds cute and innocent :)