Well, it's not finished yet and I'm still not sure if I want to post but here it is:
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I don't know how to start this. I really don't. I've struggled for a long time on just the title of my blog. I have a bunch of ideas for posts. But the introductory post has stumped me every time I've tried to write one. This is the third one I've done, actually, and each one of those three has been completely different from the first.
I don't know what to say because I'm not good at telling my own story. You want to hear about my daughter? I'm full of stories and you probably can't get me to shut up. You want to know how I ended up where I am today? All I can say is I've tried. I'd never claim to be a good mother and I would never claim to be anything exceptional. I've tried to do the best I can.
I have a story to tell but I don't think I can tell it all at once and I don't think I could do it without some help. So, what I decided to do was to use music. I love music even though I can't sing or play any instruments. Music means a lot to me whether it be because the lyrics express something I can't or the tune just makes me do a little dance. I enjoy every genre and I want to discover more.
So, how do I introduce myself when I can't even fill out the profile for this site? I don't know. Instead, I think I'll tell you about what's been on my mind most often lately and I'll first let a song tell you:
This song is incredible. Not just because of her voice because of what she says. It explains exactly how I feel about the idea of "love." I think the best way to describe it is that I'm "disenchanted." As most of you won't know, I'm divorced. I got married when I was 17 and while most of you are probably already building up a judgement I thought it was love. I was pregnant at the time and I was ready to be a wife and mom and have a sense of family.
However, my now ex-husband was not. I won't go into the details of the story yet suffice to say I am now 22 years old and divorced. I have dated and been in relationships since and everyone of them - in some way - has said they loved me.
Maybe I have some crazy idea of love that doesn't really exist. I feel like there are two core pieces to being in love: acceptance and loyalty. I have never witnessed either. But maybe those two core pieces are what I have set up as standards because they are what I have seen falter the fastest in my relationships. It's possible that love has many more pieces I can't pin down.
It's not just my past relationships that have jaded me. I am the kind of person that learns from her own mistakes and others as well. I am a people watcher. I have seen people say they love each other and then act in ways in which I have to think "this is love?"
I want to fall in love and I want to fall in love hard. I want someone to care about me so much that the thought of me dying would feel like their heart was ripping from their chest. And I want to feel that way in return.
Well yea it is personal but I'm sure there are plenty of people who enjoy reading personal stuff about people! Just stay away from the creepy stalker ones! :P But I think it gives a good over view of what you are about and there's plenty in there for people to discuss too and it also describes what sort of thinking and ideas you are exploring as well.
Like for me, I could totally discuss how I've been feeling lately that our society has set us up think that it is the norm to have a significant other, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. It's all over movies and shows but for me I think that it's ok to not have have that be the first priority of your life. I think it's ok to take the time to learn to love yourself and what's around you before you try loving someone else.
So I think it's a pretty good post! ^^!
:lol: I meant I should think you would have to go to the bathroom after drinking that much liquid :P One cup of tea usually gets me! :XD ooo... Mazatlan... :drool: Celebration dinner for graduation?
It's not like I've downed them all in five minutes.
But alcohol does go right through me. :lol:
And yes, Nina and I went out and had dinner. :yes:
We split a plate and the waiter was a freaking JERK.
He's taking out order and Nina ordered the plate and this how it went:
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Nina: We're going to split the...
Server: And would you like anything to drink?
Nina: I'll have water.
Server (without even looking at me): And what type of tortillas?
Nina: Corn.
Server: Okay. *walks away*
The "..." is there because I don't remember how to spell what we ordered and I'm too lazy to look it up. xD
Wtf. Asshole. Then he doesn't check on us to see if we needed anything else the ENTIRE time.
And runs by and drops the check off while we're mid-conversation with one of Nina's friends.
Fun! not the jerk part though :/ Ouch! Way to make your customers feel welcome douche bag! I would've tripped him as he passed by or.. Ooo! You should have kicked him in the shins! :XD You're good at that! :lol: But still, that's good you had fun regardless!
Lazy... :stare:
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:rofl: I'm reading this Manga called Psyren right now and there's this part were this Yoshina guy is talking to someone on the phone and all of a sudden you hear
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Ugh... BEEELLLLCCCHH!!! Man... I had one beer too many...
:XD Made me think of you ;)
:lol: the Yoshina guy is all like WTF?...
Last edited by Car'a'Carn; 06-12-2011 at 05:34 AM..
Yeah, he was a jerk. I told Nina not to tip him. xD
She did it anyway. We think he was pissed that we decided to split a meal.
It was $14 on it's own, though. :roll:
Nah, six beers is when I've had to many. Then I feel sick the next morning. :lol:
I'm still too lazy to do it. xD LAZY IS RIGHT. *wears the badge with pride*
I know, right? xD It was maybe, MAYBE three or four dollars off of what we would have paid if we'd each ordered something separate. He was just a jerk.
6?! :o I'm pretty sure that would make me sick too! :lol:
Well as long as you're proud of it I guess! ^^;
Maybe he was just having a bad night. Or maybe that's just his personality and he shouldn't be in positions where he has to interact with people! :lol:
It's been a long time since I ate at Mazatlan.
Sunflower kernels, Carnie. :lol: They're seeds without the shells.
I'm lazy like that. :lol:
And someday I have to learn to like beer, I suppose. That's what my parents tell me anyway. Right now, I'm happy with basically any kind of alcohol BUT beer. :XD
Oh! Right! Duh... :lol: Those are good too :yes: I think for me it just depends on what mood I'm in which one I would rather have.
You and Estrella should start a LAZY CLUB! :XD lol!
Hah! that's funny! :P I'm not sure I'll ever be able to like beer. Really anything Alcoholy I've tried just doesn't sit well with me. I like Apple Cider though! :XD lol!
Oh and I meant to post this on Strelly's blog, but I don't have any of those accounts it wants me to log in as. :(
Estrella:
I think you'll find someone someday, hun. (You seem like a really sweet girl and I know it's just a matter of time before you find him.) I didn't have a happy ending my first marriage either, but I ended up finding someone really awesome the second time around. We fell in love pretty fast and hard, but as any relationship seems to do it kinda mellows out and feels more like a friendship. He feels more like my best friend than a romantic fling, but I love him more and more each day. Real love definitely does exist though! :)
Oh and men don't seem to really mature until they hit their thirties, so perhaps you haven't found 'him' at the right time either. They got to get all that immaturity out of their system first before they settle down, and even then sometimes they never do.
Anyways awesome start to your blog and I wish you the best of luck! :):)
Maybe I will have to sign up for one. Of course I've been doing my own handwritten journal about my brother. I think some things are better left unsaid and I can write in that and not worry about it being read by the wrong person. I guess if I never use my real name or give out enough info it shouldn't be apparent. I dunno.
I write a journal. Personal one, handwritten, though I haven't written in it for months. :XD I probably should, since a lot of shizz has happened since the last time I wrote in it. :lol:
