I divorced Thumper because she kept eating all my lettuce. No BLT's = no marriage!

I divorced Thumper because she is too adorable, too cute! >_<

I divorced Cataclysm because she wanted me to be her slave.

I divorced Sestina because she was too good at belly dancing and kept putting me to shame.

I divorced Cataclysm because she divorced me first and wouldn't share the bacon thus I ate all the lettuce. *^*

I divorced Thumper because every time she turned around that carrot would smack me in the face T_T

I divorced Ophiuchus because he wouldn't shut up about becoming the best bard in the land. You can't even sing well!

I divorced Queen because she has flowers growing out of her, and that is something that honestly freaks me out. I'm sorry, honey, it's both you and me. We just can't be together. Get rid of that, and we can go grave-robbing again.

I divorced Zira Angel because after I told her grave-robbing just wasn't my thing, her sheet music carried me to the nearest graveyard and held me hostage. Then she received an invite to go galaxy diving for some sweet finds and just left me there. She said she'd be back in a few minutes. She said everything would be fine. She lied. I was stuck there for seven hours--SEVEN HOURS! The sun rose; mourning friends and family members of the deceased arrived; and I stood alone, in the middle of the graveyard, sheet music still dancing around me, in my birthday suit.

I divorced Nonsensical because of the spiders and eye-mustache that followed us around.

I divorced Twin Cities because the unnecessary medical tests were starting to get painful.

I divorced BellyButton because I fell for a male and kind of sorta married him. Please don't dig up this little bush... D;

I divorced Nonsensical because he kept running away with random guys ;_;

I divorced Q U E E N because she got with Nonsensical. Oh yeah, karma.

Because he never shares his spiced wine. T>T THA HORRORO!

She wanted me to share my SPICED wine! She wasn't happy with the regular wine! Is dat not reason enough?

Oh and if the wine wasn't enough he was a cover hog!!

Well, you made me cold! I never could stand that; your cold feet and hands.

Flowers are not part of a well balanced diet, contrary to a certain someone's belief. Sure, he made breakfast in bed, but it was usually something weird like a dandelion salad. We went to a friend's wedding together and he sat there eating the table arrangements and ignoring the perfectly good meal provided to us. It was humiliating! I can't live with this anymore!

She refused to take off her wedding dress...ever. O>O

She refused to put clothes on!!!

She thought she was a fairy. I mean, sure, I eat flowers, but that's normal! We'd go out in public and she'd take off 'flying' like a little kid! I am not going to be with some kid-fairy-wannabe.

I divorced Skulduggery because he lost his sense of wonder and replaced it with expensive trinkets. Don't you know that money can't buy happiness? I mean, not that I'm not going to divorce you and receive half of your finances or anything, but--oh, look! A cat!

Because They we're hanging around manwhores all the time.

Should I add that to reasons why we divorced? Manwhores are fun. You never let me keep one.

I divorced Skulduggery because he said that the flower in the guy's hair made him 'look like a sissy'.