Thread Tools

Ted D Ber
(っ◕‿◕)&...
98.72
Ted D Ber is offline
 
#26
Old 06-18-2012, 04:29 PM

Would anyone be willing to be an editor for me; Check my spelling, grammar, syntax and such?

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#27
Old 06-18-2012, 04:31 PM


i would if i could, teddie.
i don't think you will be peanalized for it, though.

WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#28
Old 06-18-2012, 04:33 PM

Yay! Another person who will enter :D

Ted D Ber
(っ◕‿◕)&...
98.72
Ted D Ber is offline
 
#29
Old 06-18-2012, 04:39 PM

I intend to have it be a short gay summer romance with a bit of my humor in it.
Heres what I've got so far (My apologies if it offends anyone):
Quote:
“Mom I’ll be fine. Just relax.”
She stuffed a third bottle of sunscreen in to my duffle bag, already looking like it was about to explode.
“I know Teddy; I just want to make sure you have everything you need.” She said in an overly sweet tone. From an outside point of view most people would think that she was a genuinely concerned mother, but being her son for the last twelve years I had known otherwise. She actually just wanted to make sure I didn’t have any excuse to bother her on her vacation from me.
“Summer camp is only 2 weeks; I really don’t think I’ll need 50 pairs of underwear.” Unfortunately I was not exaggerating. Mom continued to justify the multitudes of unnecessary things she stuffed in to the bursting vessel. I figured it was best not to protest anymore, tomorrow I’d be off to camp for my first time making all sorts of friends and doing some awesomely fun activities, far away from her motherly nagging.
I sent my best friend Ryan a text.
“heyy. gonna miss u man. wish we coulda hung out b4 i left :(.”
Lately he hadn’t had a whole lot of time for me. His whole life was about girls it seemed. He’d been going out with this girl Chelsea for the last month; and when he wasn’t with her he was seeing other girls on the side. Girls were so easy for him, he was buff, tan, handsome, and that smile of his was killer. Not like me, I was a scrawny little white boy, shaggy hair, and completely awkward. Honestly we were a very unlikely pair, and I think the only reason he kept me around was because I had so much dirt on him. I’m not sure exactly why I like him so much, he treats me like garbage. Maybe it’s my low self-esteem.
I waited for a text back until about 10:30 when I decided to go to bed. It was nearly 3 am when I was awoken by his response. I rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone off of my nightstand to look at the text.
“k. thnx.”
That wasn’t even worth waking up for. I got up to go take a wiz, doing my zombie walk down the hall in to the bathroom. After which I struggled to get back to sleep. I stared absently at the clock watching hour by hour go by. BAM! I looked over at my doorway to see my mom standing there a large grin beaming across her face.
“Awe, honey, you’re so excited you couldn’t sleep! That is so adorable! Now get up and get out; the bus is going to be here in less than an hour!”
I’m pretty sure the happiness I her tone was just that I would be gone.
“Besides, I have a guy coming over, and the last thing I want him to think is that I have a kid.” She mumbled to herself.
“I heard that! Real good parenting.” I rolled my eyes.
Her face turned in to a sinister glare. “Just hurry up and get the fuck out you little twerp.”
Now that’s the mom I know and pretend to love.
I went in to my dresser to find I only had one outfit left; the bitch packed everything. So without much of a choice I put on a pair of jean cut offs that were cut off a bit too high and a once white shirt that had been washed with a red sock making it an awful pale pink color. The socks she left didn’t even match, so I opted to wear flip flops instead. I reached for my duffle bag and was barely able to lift it off the ground. I tried to push it and it wouldn’t budge.
“What’s taking you so long!” my mom yelled from the other room. Apparently she had decided to completely drop the ‘sincere’ mom act.
Ryan would’ve been able to lift this no problem; I really wish he was here. With a deliberate grunt I was able to heave my bag off of the ground and waddle my way out the door. I had often wondered if fat people waddle because of the weight or their own gravitational pull forcing them to move from side to side. For me it was my bony legs not being able to lift themselves from the enormous amount of pressure the bag exerted on them.
Thats about half of it
I haven't actually gotten to camp yet
I think that 2000 word limit is whats scaring me most lols

---------- Post added 06-18-2012 at 08:40 AM ----------

and yes I'd love any feed back I can get

WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#30
Old 06-18-2012, 04:53 PM

I think it's good. But maybe substitute the swearing?

Ted D Ber
(っ◕‿◕)&...
98.72
Ted D Ber is offline
 
#31
Old 06-18-2012, 04:59 PM

Can do,
but later in the story, hes dealing with a bully
and the bully calls him a faggot
I'm not really too sure how I can censor that o.o
gay doesn't really work in it's place for the particular instance
maybe queer?
is that still too offensive o.o

WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#32
Old 06-18-2012, 05:00 PM

Well, I think queer would be better, if you can use no other words.

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#33
Old 06-18-2012, 05:01 PM


that would work.

Ted D Ber
(っ◕‿◕)&...
98.72
Ted D Ber is offline
 
#34
Old 06-18-2012, 05:12 PM

the specific instance is:
Quote:
But my high hopes suddenly came to a crashing halt.
“Sit down queer!” I heard yelled from the back of the bus.
I'm just not sure it has the same impact
this is based loosely on my own personal camp experience
and the bullying is something that really happened to me
I'm just trying to think
do you think "homo" has a better impact o.o
as a writer I've never really censored my self, even in school, my teacher would say its some of the best work shes ever read, and that normally she'd criticize that it wasn't school appropriate, but she felt the adult themes gave the story a lot more depth and perspective @_@
granted I'm keeping this pg-13
I just have diffculties with language lols

WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#35
Old 06-18-2012, 05:14 PM

Either Homo or Queer would be better than the other one. But I'd say refrain from using the other :sweat:

Some people are so horrid :\
I like the sound of your teacher though :D

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#36
Old 06-18-2012, 07:28 PM


those kinds of words hurt my feelings.
go with the one you want.
it's a hurtful word in the bully's sentence.


WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#37
Old 06-19-2012, 05:57 AM

They hurt mine too.
But sometimes you gotta use them :(

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#38
Old 06-19-2012, 06:12 AM


i don't like bullies.
:talk2hand:

WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#39
Old 06-19-2012, 06:59 AM

Same. They should stop being so mean.

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#40
Old 06-19-2012, 03:41 PM



especially to little kiddies.

WherededIGo
(・・^...
7513.38
WherededIGo is offline
 
#41
Old 06-19-2012, 09:58 PM

Yes.
Little kiddies can be quite mean too surprisingly D:

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#42
Old 06-19-2012, 10:32 PM



and sadly they lean that behavior from their parents.

Arc Angel
Sure, I'll play with you-- in ex...
3208.75
Arc Angel is offline
 
#43
Old 06-19-2012, 10:50 PM

I've been thinking of entering this for a few days now, but was having trouble thinking something up.
Luckily enough, an odd bit of inspiration finally struck me last night.
Critiques and your thoughts are welcome, I'd love to hear them.~

I have a Campfire Story!
Username: Arc Angel
My Story

SPOILERX

Once there was a summer camp, not so different from our own, that housed a small pedestal near its fire pit. Nestled atop it was a regal, bronze cat with a beautifully engraved collar that was encrusted with but a single diamond. During the nightly campfire stories, the reflection of the flame lit its collar and it would shine with a pure beauty that drew awe from campers and counselors alike. Little did they know that beyond the statue’s wide-set pair of eyes was a certain, acquired fondness of these happenings.

Night after night, the cat would sit upon its pedestal and watch as the small group lit and clustered about the fire pit. The campers would huddle together with their s’mores and blankets, and the counselors would each take their turn in weaving the grandest stories possible. The cat had heard a great variety of them over the years, but never one so grand as what a particular counselor was capable of. The counselor was but a young man, with an unruly heap of mousy, brown hair and a set of deep green eyes that barely peaked out from beneath his shaggy bangs. He had a gangly frame that even seemed to totter side to side slightly as it was his turn to stand and begin his story, but once he did begin, his audiences were always lost in the creative new worlds he swept them off into.

Meanwhile, across from him always sat another counselor: a young woman of similar age, with luscious golden hair and the brightest blue eyes that would dazzle any fellow that dared to look into them. The young man was one such fellow and he was bewitched by her. Even during his stories, which were always woven with great attention to detail, he daren’t take his eyes off of her form in the firelight. By the end of one summer with her, the young counselor had fallen in love.

On the last night of camp, it was decided that campfire stories were not to be told due to poor weather. Rain beat down heavily upon the camp, but what was far stormier were the thoughts raging inside of the young male counselor. Trekking out into the rain that night, he took a seat upon one of the logs surrounding the fire pit and let an exasperated sigh leave his lips as he looked up at the cloudy sky hopelessly. “Without my stories, I’m nothing to her. I cannot manage a word to her in private, no matter how hard I’ve tried, and camp will end tomorrow. How else could I tell her how I feel?” he spoke aloud, miserably.

Spotting his beloved counselor on a night such as this, out in the rain, perplexed the cat and coaxed him into inquiring on the manner. “Do you love her?” the statue spoke up in a clear, steady tone.

Caught off guard, yet swept into such desperation that he was willing to believe his ears, the young man would look up to the statue and nod fervently. “Of course, like no other!” he declared boldly, making his passion clear to the cat before depression once again swept over the youth’s face. “Though I cannot muster up the courage to confess to her. All I’ve ever had were my stories,” he admitted sadly, gaze falling to his now mud-smothered sneakers.

Feeling a tug of sympathy for the man it had grown so fond of, the statue suggested, “Take the diamond from my collar and present it to her. Quick, now, before she decides to go to sleep.”

So, hesitantly, the young man would pluck the reasonably sized diamond off of the bronze statue and make his way hurriedly back into the camp grounds to find his beloved. The cat knew not of the consequences of his actions until the young man came storming out of her cabin in sheer anger, for there he had found his older brother had already made a move on the woman of his dreams. Letting out a cry of agony, the man took the diamond into one of his fists and chucked it straight into the rushing waters of the river neighboring the grounds. Then, not realizing that he had just thrown away a gift that should have been treasured, he got into his car and left the camp that night.

The cat watched this sadly from its pedestal, shocked that the most precious piece of itself had been lost after he had showed such great generosity to the young counselor. It continued to sit there throughout the next day, when the campers departed, and was still there when a new batch of campers arrived for summer the following year. However, something was different about the statue. No longer did its bronze sheen hold a regality, but it showed signs of antiquity and the wear of its many years. No longer did its figure hold an ethereal shine in the light of the campfire, but it remained shrouded in the darkness of the night. No longer did it even enjoy any of the stories that it heard, for none were ever so grand as that of the young man who had betrayed him.

One stormy night, when it was again decided that the campers would remain inside during the regular campfire time, the cat sat alone and distressed. Now wishing to relinquish its place as a statue alongside the fire pit it now abhorred, it found its escape. It is said that a loud howl, reminiscent of a cat’s ‘meow’, was heard piercing through the night that the statue disappeared. One camper claims that he saw what appeared to be a stray dart past the fire pit in the same night, and that it must have been what became of the camp’s beloved cat statue. Others disagree, arguing that the statue must have been melted down by the flurry of lightening that had struck repeatedly around the same area.

No one is quite sure what happened to the statue, but what I do know is this. Sometimes at night, in this very camp, you may hear the soft calls of a cat through the lush trees of the forest beyond the fire pit. If you are lucky enough, you may even just catch a glimpse of a gleaming, orange tabby cat approaching your fire in the night as the group begins to tell stories.
__________________

Halloween hangout + contests!

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#44
Old 06-19-2012, 11:26 PM



this does look like a lot of fun.

Suzy Sunshine
URE NPC
118026.25
Suzy Sunshine is offline
 
#45
Old 06-19-2012, 11:29 PM

Thank you for entering Arc Angel

Arc Angel
Sure, I'll play with you-- in ex...
3208.75
Arc Angel is offline
 
#46
Old 06-19-2012, 11:32 PM

It was pretty fun to write an entry for it, hummy. :) You should enter!

No problem this thread needs more love, I think.
Thank you for hosting it!

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#47
Old 06-19-2012, 11:35 PM



i might if i find time to concentrate.
good luck!

Dottie Mae Evans
*~It's all good~*
7793.60
Dottie Mae Evans is offline
 
#48
Old 06-19-2012, 11:36 PM

I might write a story, although I am not too sure which category to pick. :S

Quick question: Can it be about a day Summer Camp instead of a sleep away?

Suzy Sunshine
URE NPC
118026.25
Suzy Sunshine is offline
 
#49
Old 06-19-2012, 11:36 PM

I agree Arc Angel. This thread needs more loving. I was hoping the prizes would attract people.
You're welcome Arc Angel. I was a little nervous at first since the original host had some stuff come up and wasn't going to be here to run the thread. Of course we didn't want to drop a contest that had so much potential. So I took over. I just hope that people will take an interest in trying to write stories. Maybe my descriptions for the categories isn't good enough or something?

Now look at me, I'm rambling, lol.

hummy
Little birdie ♥

Penpal
401972.30
hummy is offline
 
#50
Old 06-19-2012, 11:37 PM



we try to give 'em all loving, campie♥.

 



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Forum Jump

no new posts