i love poems and i wrote about 6 and i just want to get your opinions on some of them if you don't mind

Name of Poem: Why Can't I Sleep

Why can't i sleep what did i do to disservice this my eyes are heavy
but they wont close when i close them i see death
all the ones i love footing in blood
I try to grab them but the seem to move away as if there running
I'm alone in the darkness cold seeing only the dead
maybe I'm dead to maybe I'll find my body floating in this blood
I cant see the darkness is growing
Why can't i get away I'm trying to move my y cant i feel my legs
Then I see it my body laying in the blood
Why can't I sleep cus im already dead

Name of Poem: Crimson Elixer

As my blood mixs with her tears
The flames of our love glow in the night.
I feel what she feels
I hear what she hears
She is my heart and i am her soul
Her love gives me strength
Her pain is my pain
We are always with each other
Even from fare
We are two people who make one

Name of Poem:The Beast

The Beast pleags the world feeding off the pain in peoples hearts. The Beast kills the soul of the person it inhabits makeing there life empty. why dose the beast kill those aroud me am i the true beast. Ever time i look on a miorrer i see the beast i can see its black horns as they peirs my scull the beast lives in my haret why why am i the beast or is the beast in my head i wish i knew that ansewer but thell then i'll live as the beast and the beast will live as me. There is only one way to kill the beast but in the end the beast is forever

Name of Poem: Pain

pain thats all i have in my life i am in pain with ever breth i take my pain is my hatred anger and sadness is my pain all i'll ever fell i wish i know i have no haret i am an empty all i give is pain to thouse who love me i am a devil in your eyes i am death in my eyes plese help me i dont want to fell pain anymore or give pain i just want peace

Name of Poem: What is love

what is love that all i ever ask myself i never truly understod but is love pain hatred or peace i dont know love but i want love i want the warmth of another person will i ever truly find love but i guess love will find me in time i will wait for love it may be years but love is worth the wait so to all thouse who read my poems may love find you

omg i love my faveourite is the last one theyre all really good though

Most of your poems lack the general poetic devices. You need better imagry and grammer is sorely needed so the reader knows where one thought ends and the other begins. Also, your last few are not really poems. They're just sentences. You need line breaks otherwise their nothing but paragraphs. Poetry has form even if it's free verse. You have a talent, you really do, now make it better.

lol.

Thanks if I write a new one I'll put it up here for you guys to read